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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask husband to look after DC while I go to work tomorrow?

75 replies

fufflebum · 15/01/2013 17:13

I collected DC from school today to be told she had complained of stomach ache and had 'loose' poo. School policy is 48 hrs at home after diarrhoea. I have never asked DH to stay home to look after any of our children when they have been ill (we have other children) as I have been SAHM. However I have just started new job and have meeting with manager tomorrow so I feel I must attend. DH is at a conference and facilitating a session. I have already sounded him out and he has said we will talk about it later. I think I can guess what is coming.

AIBU to ask him to stay home?

My parents would possibly help out if desperate but these are our kids!

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 15/01/2013 17:20

YANBU - why one earth is it always expected that LO's are looked after by mum when they are ill? I realise that a lot if the time, LO's do want mum but as you've just started a new job have a meeting with your manager, he should cover just as long as you cover next time.

My OH has conferences and facilitates all the time - its pretty easy to get someone to cover for you if all the groundwork and prep work are done.

wibblyjelly · 15/01/2013 17:23

It should be done equally, you shouldn't have to do it all yourself.

AngryTrees · 15/01/2013 17:25

He should stay at home- this is a new job for you and it's important for you to make a good first impression. If he's never done it before then he needs to step up now.

bigkidsdidit · 15/01/2013 17:26

While it should of course be 50:50 now you work, facilitating a session at a conference is a big deal

I'd ask your parents if at all poss

Original poster
fufflebum · 15/01/2013 17:28

Interestingly DC is running around showing no signs of illness, however as TA made a point of telling me in full earshot of other parents. Also if send DC in likely will get a phone call which would be worse tbh as would have to then drive 1/2 hr back home!

OP posts:
Original poster
fufflebum · 15/01/2013 17:28

Don't want to spread something unnecessarily!

OP posts:
LaCiccolina · 15/01/2013 17:30

I think u need to discuss together what to do going forwards, more than this one time.

He is bu if he just thinks ur work can be dropped and /or ur parents should step up regardless every time. U need to see what he thinks first.

MavisG · 15/01/2013 17:31

You have protected his career for years. Now he must accept the implications of having children and working. It's his turn.

LadyMargolotta · 15/01/2013 17:33

TBH I'm surprised that you think it's acceptable for either of you to miss work because of having an ill child. Do you have no other backup?

HollyBerryBush · 15/01/2013 17:36

Major wage earner goes to work.

.

Pigsmummy · 15/01/2013 17:37

As it isn't just a working day for your husband I think that you to ask your parents to help tbh.

Original poster
fufflebum · 15/01/2013 17:39

Only just started new job, and I have left it this long because of attitudes like yours LadyMargolotta. Employers are expected to be flexible tbh but that is a whole other conversation....

When I was working before I had children concessions were always made for parents especially at Christmas time and I never objected to this. As a society we should support people who have children (and also people who have other caring roles).

Just having a dilemma about this situation......

OP posts:
C0smos · 15/01/2013 17:40

Should be 50:50 split with the deciding factor being who has the most important stuff to do at work, for my DH and I it's client presentations as we both work in a service type industry.
Sorry but I think a meeting with manager can more easily be moved or conducted over the phone, facilitating a workshop would mean getting someone to cover who won't have done the prep etc..

SallyCinnamonandNutmeg · 15/01/2013 17:41

Difficult situation.
In general I agree with Holly that major wage earner/ person whose work will be less affected by a day off should stay off with sick child - regardless if it's mum or dad.
But sounds as if in this case it's a pretty important day at work for both of you tomorrow. I would ask parents if I were you.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 15/01/2013 17:42

I think you need to find a practical solution; what time is your meeting with your manager and what time is the session he is facilitating? Can you divide the day so that you can both make your important appointments?

SallyCinnamonandNutmeg · 15/01/2013 17:43

LadyMargoletta I think your comment is a bit harsh. Lots and lots of people do not have family or close friends nearby who can provide backup in such a situation. What do you propose they do if their DC is sick?

StuntGirl · 15/01/2013 17:45

Nope, one who can more easily take the day off with the least repercussions takes the day off.

Meeting the manager in the first few days of a job should be prioritised. First impressions and all that.

HighBrows · 15/01/2013 17:46

Ask your parents. IMO neither of you can miss work tomorrow.

I also think the school is being over the top. One loose stool does not mean he has a stomach bug.

LadyMargolotta · 15/01/2013 17:47

But what about the jobs where it really would cause a lot of problems to take time off to look after a child eg. healthcare professionals?

Children, especially small children, can be sick a lot. It is very impractical to the employers, colleagues, etc to miss work everytime a child is sick.

Of course it's different if it's a serious emergency, but I am very surprised that you have not foreseen that this could happen.

docsarah · 15/01/2013 17:48

Don't think it should be major wage earner necessarily - how is the other person supposed to progress (especially if they've just started a new job) if it's implicit that their job is always the first one to get dropped? I also don't like the idea that just because you bring home the bacon you're somehow exempt from parenting issues like this.

Also, take home salary is not always a good indicator of how important a job is -many people are hugely committed to and enjoy their jobs even if they are taking home comparatively little compared to the main wage earner.

dixiechick1975 · 15/01/2013 17:48

If child has no other incidents of the runs I'd send to school with a note saying DD has been fully well since pick up. Child may have just eaten 3 satsumas/choc bars from her friends lunchbox for all you know.

She only needs to stay off for d & v.

DeepRedBetty · 15/01/2013 17:49

Agree dc shouldn't go to school, annoyingly they can be still infectious with d&v bugs even when apparently fit. Agree you shouldn't be taking tomorrow off at this stage of career. The unknown is the effect of taking a day off to look after children on dh career, only he can make an informed decision about that. In an ideal world all employers would be caring enough to view the odd day off to look after sick children as a good long term investment to help keep staff, but it's not an ideal world, and the jobs market is not something that anyone wants to find themselves entering right now.

I'd ring your parents and forewarn them that they might be needed.

Samnella · 15/01/2013 17:51

Ordinarily I would say he should of course do it. We have a strict rule of sick child care being 50/50 in this house. However, sounds like neither of you can do it. Can you ask someone else? If not, can you rearrange the meeting with your manager as TBH it sounds like your plans are easier to reorganise than your DH. You also need to establish the rules going forward.

LadyMargoletta - Please share your plans in such situations. I am genuinely curious as we have no family nearby, most friends wouldn't be willing to look after a sick child particularly as most work and I wasn't aware there was a nanny agency of some sort that specialised in looking after sick children. I would be interested to know.

HenriettaChicken · 15/01/2013 17:52

FYI at our school the policy is 2 loose poos/vomiting. A one off could be just that...curry for lunch maybe??

Pancakeflipper · 15/01/2013 17:52

Also interested in Lady M's plans.