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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really irritated by this?

29 replies

Mimstar · 09/01/2013 09:17

Planning my DD's birthday at a venue which offers really great themed parties. We've been to a party there before, and it was fantastic.

My DD is not into 'traditionally' girly things. She loves pirates (captain hook etc), toy story and superheroes. All fantastic Smile

So I saw on the website that they do a kids pirate party, with a treasure hunt and a make your own pirate hat activity etc. I emailed to enquire and this morning I got a response which said -

'Thank you for your enquiry. We are delighted that you are considering us for your daughter's party, and we thank you for your email regarding our pirate party package!

I just wanted to let you know that we do actually have a princess party package if that would be something your daughter might like?'

She then sent me all of the details of the princess party but not the pirate party Confused I did email back saying I wasn't interested and she then sent me the pirate party information which does look fab.

I just feel a bit cross that she would assume just because DD is a girl, she would prefer the princess package when I specifically asked for a different one! I'm not even somebody who dislikes the princess stuff, I loved that stuff myself when I was little - but it's just not what DD likes at all.

So, it's not a big deal, but AIBU to be a little irritated by this bloody stereotyping?!

OP posts:
RalphGnu · 09/01/2013 09:19

YANBU.

Psammead · 09/01/2013 09:20

Oh my goodness. YANBU.

I think I would have worded my email in a slightly snippy way.

LadyKinbote · 09/01/2013 09:20

YANBU - that would piss me right off. I bet they don't send that response to parents of boys (if they do then fair enough!)

scuzy · 09/01/2013 09:20

yeah its steroetyping. but perhaps they honestly didnt realise you knew that they did have a princess package and were providing good customer service in highlighting all their packages and give you more choice.

bringbacksideburns · 09/01/2013 09:21

Ooh no. That is really annoying! YANBU.

helpyourself · 09/01/2013 09:21

Yep, irritating! But you're paying and you can have the party you want.
It's depressing as it looks as if they assume you hadn't noticed the princess party- why wouldn't you want one if you'd seen it? Hmm

Sirzy · 09/01/2013 09:22

I could go with that idea scuzzy if they has sent both information packs out.

Original poster
Mimstar · 09/01/2013 09:23

Ah good, I was wondering if I was being a bit silly - it's just the presumption that annoyed me,

scuzy - I do understand that, and wouldn't have been as annoyed maybe if she had sent the princess stuff along with the pirate stuff but she didn't. Plus to know they did a pirate party I had to read the website. It's not really that big a deal I suppose.

OP posts:
SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 09/01/2013 09:23

YANBU it would have irritated me too.

I have nothing against pink or princesses and dd is into that stuff bit she also has other interests.

You'd obviously checked out the venue of you knew about the pirate theme, sip ll y of her to try and steer you towards the princess theme based solely on your child's gender when you'd enquired about a different theme.

delilahlilah · 09/01/2013 09:23

Send them an email from a different address askign about the Princess Party for your son. If they offer the Pirate Party instead, you could either confront them with their blatant sexist stereotyoing or send a very sarcastic reply!

Original poster
Mimstar · 09/01/2013 09:24

That's it helpyourself it's the feeling that they were like 'But wait...we have a PRINCESS party, surely your daughter would prefer that?!'

OP posts:
pictish · 09/01/2013 09:26

Yanbu....but it's only a mild irritant, easily remedied isn't it?

Original poster
Mimstar · 09/01/2013 09:26

SummerRain I'm the same, don't mind all that stuff at all..it's just not what DD is really into. And yeah, I'd already read through what they offer otherwise I wouldn't have known about the pirate package!

Delilah I like that idea Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Mimstar · 09/01/2013 09:28

Yes pictish not a big problem but infuriating all the same. I think it's just annoying because its not the first time comments like this have been made and she's 4! She doesn't like wearing skirts/dresses to school, she prefers pants - that gets comments. Same with the fact that she loves lego or that on dressing up day she wanted to be buzz lightyear. Just the 'tomboy' label already, bugs me a bit!

OP posts:
YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 09:28

YANBU. I think you should send them a polite email pointing out how it made you feel & suggest they change their policy for future. X

OmgATalkingOnion · 09/01/2013 09:30

Well I can see where you're coming from but I don't think I'd be too bothered about it tbh. They probably just thought you might want the other info to be helpful because they do a lot of princessy parties for girls.

They're not saying you can't have a pirate party. I doubt there was any loaded meaning to it. I can't see the point of composing sarcastic replies to someone who is probably just fielding the Emails and doesn't mean to upset anyone.

CheCazzo · 09/01/2013 09:31

Like pictish says - a mild irritant easily remedied. Nobody's hurt, nobody's lost any money. I'm not sure this even qualifies as 'infuriating' - possibly the person doing the e mailing doesn't have children? Doesn't think like you do? Is 17 years old? Whatever - it's just not worth upping your blood pressure over this!

Anniegetyourgun · 09/01/2013 09:33

It doesn't work in reverse though. Although boys may be into pink and dressing up, they can't actually be princesses by definition (just rather unconventional princes!). But a girl certainly can be a pirate, as indeed several have.

It's things like this that make me glad I only had sons.

Startail · 09/01/2013 09:34

YANBU
Sending you both in case you'd made a mistake or only heard about the pirate one fine.

But specifically sending only the pink and frilly one, grrr.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 09/01/2013 09:34

I would be bothered about it too.

Yes, it's a mild irritant and no one got hurt, but the fact is they ignored your initial email and assumed they knew your daughter better than you, quite apart from the gender issues.

Original poster
Mimstar · 09/01/2013 09:34

Well, I think my blood pressure is fine - and that's why I said in the OP 'So, it's not a big deal'. It probably does qualify as infuriating, because I am infuriated Grin

But not all AIBU threads are about life changing incidents are they?

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 09/01/2013 09:36

My DD is a similar age and extremely girly (so much so, I buy all of her clothes when she's not around as they would all be pink dresses on her insistence). That said, I still think its bloody ridiculous that they didn't provide you with the pirate party details until after you confirmed that you didn't want the princess party.

Most parties I've been too have been fairly unisex so I'm surprised that they even had to check given that you specified what you wanted.

Original poster
Mimstar · 09/01/2013 09:37

Thank you Annie,Startail and Ariel - those are the exact reasons I am a little bit annoyed. It's because she's a girl, they presume she'd prefer princess stuff. And that presumption made me a bit grumpy.

OP posts:
GregBishopsBottomBitch · 09/01/2013 09:38

YANBU, I hate it would people just assume, instead of actually paying attention to the enquiry. and a little bit sexist, not all girls like Princess stuff.

Similar thing on assumptions, My mum order things for my sister with her name on it, She has a name that if you add one letter in the right point, would be a more common name, the things came with the common name on it, well my mum knows how to spell her DD's name, she named her.

StuntGirl · 09/01/2013 09:39

If anything is worth upping my blood pressure over it's sexism Grin

I would email them back and let them know you're unhappy with the response and suggest they change their policy for future. Had they said "Here are the details for our pirate party, and here are the details for all our other party options too" that would be one thing. I doubt the staff member meant to be deliberately sexist but that doesn't make it any better.

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