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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be on MN even though I don't have children?

109 replies

IwantaPetFox · 09/01/2013 08:32

I know this argument has been done to death, but still on so many threads I see people being questioned as to why they're here if they don't have DCs and aren't/can't ttc.

I'm not a regular by any means but I ended up here after a Google search threw up one of the funniest threads I've ever read (Medieval Mumsnet - I'm a historian and it tickled me). I signed up because it's such a busy forum full of highly intelligent women around my age and I've since seen some of the best relationship advice and arguments for feminism I've ever read.

And as most people are parents it's not like I'm trying to infiltrate an exclusive club. I'll probably have kids one day but even if I don't, I will still be surrounded by them because they are a huge part of human life!

But if anyone has any genuine objections as to why it's wrong/odd for non parents to be here, I am interested and open to them.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 09/01/2013 08:34

Never seen that tbh? There are thousands on here though so don't take a few weirdos to heart Smile

YorkshireDeb · 09/01/2013 08:35

Nope. I'm on here because I love reading the threads. Not sure if I'd have found it if I wasn't a mummy I think it would still be entertaining reading. x

Trills · 09/01/2013 08:36

Do you?

I don't have children and I haven't seen anyone questioning it on a thread for aaaages, apart from specific "why do people come here if they don't have children?" threads.

I say if someone can't see anything on MN that would be interesting to read/talk about if they didn't have children then they are clearly reading different threads to me.

TaggieCampbellBlack · 09/01/2013 08:40

I'd rather not have my children sometimes.

Spero · 09/01/2013 08:43

Not at all - like you say, there are some very interesting threads, regardless of whether you have spawned or not.

I am still tickled by a comment someone made to me years ago that what I wanted to discuss was not suitable for a parenting website! Think it was euthanasia or something. So no doubt there are people who would rather it was only ever about breastfeeding and nappies - but from what I have seen they are a minority.

Original poster
IwantaPetFox · 09/01/2013 08:46

I'm not saying it's rife, but I've seen it several times in the past and it cropped up again on a thread yesterday. Got me wondering if there are other people who wonder why the DCless are here but are too polite to ask!

OP posts:
Original poster
IwantaPetFox · 09/01/2013 08:49

Ha, ok i've just reread my OP and I said I see it 'on so many threads'. That was my natural tendency to exaggerate coming to the fore...sorry Blush

OP posts:
ConfusedPixie · 09/01/2013 08:54

Yanbu, there are plenty of us! I haven't had it in a while. But then I trend to avoid child dev threads because of it these days!

DeepRedBetty · 09/01/2013 08:56

I found MN when looking for advice about a minor family crisis at two o'clock in the morning, but looking back at what I've talked about in the four years since then, less than half of it has had any direct relationship with rearing children! As far as I'm concerned the more the merrier, apart from trolls of course.

SomersetONeil · 09/01/2013 08:58

Are you talking about the person who's complaining about everyone turning to parenthood and the proliferation of babies and children in her FB feed? If so, I'm a bit bemused as to why she, individually, is here...

Everyone else - not so much.

I don't go into any of the actual parenting sub-forums, so the fact that I'm a mother is neither here nor there as to why I come on here. I come on here for the craic, and the craic is definitely to be had away from the dullsville parenting issues. :)

Loquace · 09/01/2013 08:58

I think there is more to mumsnets than the "mums" bit.

If I wanted something wholly parent/child centred I'd go elsewhere. I'm here becuase there are brillant opportunities for arguing the toss with random strangers debate, thought provoking posts in areas of which I have little to no experience, hilariously funny threads/posts/posters and by and large enough going on to find at least one thing of interest if I need distraction, entertainment or the chance to avoid going to bed cos "somebody on the internet is WRONG,".

I don't think there is even a case to be made that the childfree have nothing to add to discussions about being a parent or children's issues. There is something to be said for the sort of objectivity that comes with not being emotionally involved on some level.

I don't think you are immaginaing things. Just a couple of days ago somebody was disagreeing with me and asked the "do you have any children?" question.

I do as it happens, although how that was relevant to the (most excellent and simply the rightest ever Wink ) points I was making, is beyond me.

RedToothbrush · 09/01/2013 09:01

I saw it crop up on a thread yesterday too.

But then I tend to think people who say that are blinkered fuckwits. No different from any other blinkered fuckwittery that goes on, on any forum though.

notsofrownieface · 09/01/2013 09:01

YABVU And should be shot at dawn... but then so should I! Grin I was pulled in by aibu and never left.

There is more to mn than the parenting bit. Have fun.

Original poster
IwantaPetFox · 09/01/2013 09:07

Thanks all :) I felt slightly guilty the other day when someone was offering me advice on a thread and had assumed I had DCs to be taken into consideration. It was totally fair enough on her part as most of you do, but twas mildly awkward.

OP posts:
Psammead · 09/01/2013 09:08

YANBU. It's a fun place to hang out.

slug · 09/01/2013 09:08

Mumsnet is one of the very few women friendly places online. It's a place where you don't have to apologise for having an intellect while in possession of a vagina. It's not surprising that you want to hang out here, children or not.

KnitFastDieWarm · 09/01/2013 09:11

I don't have DC yet, but plan to in the next few years, all things being equal! I also stumbled upon MN by accident and was instantly drawn to the no-crap, honest and occasionally filthy attitudes of the posters ;-p I've been hooked ever since. I think MN is an incredibly valuable community and as someone with no older sisters, it's a great way to learn what to expect when DC do make an appearance. I have a morbid fear of the media stereotype 'mummy friends' and it's reassuring to know that there are lots of ballsy mothers out there who give me an idea of the kind of mother I want to be one day. Thanks all!
(insert mawkish go-sisterhood emoticon ;-p)

Loquace · 09/01/2013 09:14

wot slug said.

Is damn good summing up.

HoneyDragon · 09/01/2013 09:16

Sometimes occasionally people comment about people without children, or people who possess a penis posting on here. Their comments are not positive. These are usually the sort of people who refer to adult females as Mummies, and expect adult intelligent women to act as brainless vacuous care givers who should know their place as nurturers. It is best to pay them absolutely no heed. They eventually get bored and go away.

FingoFango · 09/01/2013 09:21

Agree that people without children have every right to be on Mumsnet.

I also read the thread yesterday where people were asking why the OP was on Mumsnet, but I thought her thread raised a valid point

FingoFango · 09/01/2013 09:23

Also, I don't have children. I am on Mumsnet because I enjoy reading the threads about things such as horse riding, the style and beauty section and the relationships section, which genearlly don't have anything to do with kids.

It's a good place to get quick responses from intelligent women of a similar age and background to me, regardless of whether they have kids.

Labradorwhisperer · 09/01/2013 09:27

I don't have children and I have been lurking for a while. I don't really post (mainly cos I keep forgetting my log in details!).

I started looking on here about a year ago when my little nephew arrived because I wanted to be as much of a support as possible to my lovely brother and sister in law (wanted to avoid saying things that wouldn't be helpful, wanted to find a nice gift for SIL after she had the baby, wanted to know the etiquette for things like sharing pics of the baby on Facebook). I haven't really seen anyone have a problem with people without children posting on here.

I do get a bit sad when it is referred to negatively though. I love children, although I don't see myself having any, and that can be a difficult enough conversation to have with someone face to face, it is harder to do on a message board, because without the "tone of voice" to go with the words, it can be easy for people to misunderstand and assume that their own choice is being somehow criticised. If that makes sense.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 09/01/2013 09:29

I know the thread you're talking about iWantaPetFox. Don't take it to heart. I've been on MN and happily DCless for years. I enjoy the company of people who can have discussions on interesting things. Now that a DC may be on the horizon I have no doubt I'll continue to enjoy it.

FingoFango · 09/01/2013 09:31

This is probably VERY controversial, but I actually think they should scrap the 'Mumsnet' name - as most of the stuff on here is not to do with kids or being a mum. And there are Dads on here too Grin

I worry that if my DP catches me on 'Mumsnet' he will get the wrong idea (!) or that my colleagues at work will get the wrong end of the stick if they see 'Mumsnet' on my computer, so I always scroll the screen down to hide the 'Mumsnet' banner at the top!!

FingoFango · 09/01/2013 09:34

And people without kids can still have valid opinions on things to do with kids. Even if we are not parents most of us will have some exposure to children in our lives so still have views and ideas. We were all children oursleves once as well!

Although I personally don't go in the bits of Mumsnet which are about kids, just stick to the sports, health and beauty stuff.