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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed my ex calls my son a pervert!

46 replies

Dryjuice25 · 03/01/2013 03:01

We separated in 2012 when I was pregnant. Ds is 6 months old. He is welcome to come and see the baby, which he's happy to do daily for an hour or so as I wont let him have ds at his house yet.

I am breastfeeding my son and so did I my dds. Everytime I get terribly annoyed when he remarks that dd3 is a "pervert" when I feed him, just because of the way he leisurely latches on/demands his feeds. I have told him to stop it and he keeps doing this and it drives me mad. AIBU to hate that he makes such idiotic remarks?

OP posts:

deleted203 · 03/01/2013 03:05

He sounds like a prat - and he's your ex....I wouldn't be giving him the opportunity to make constant stupid remarks - or to be leering at me. I'd simply say 'DS needs feeding I'm afraid - I'll show you out'. Why is it necessary to feed in front of him? Clearly he pisses you off and takes no notice when you've asked him to stop.

IneedAsockamnesty · 03/01/2013 03:05

Yanbu its not an acceptable thing to say

MalibuStac · 03/01/2013 03:07

I'd tell him if he can't stop the stupid comments not to visit. What a total tosser!

abbierhodes · 03/01/2013 03:09

Take a deep breath and be thankful he's your ex! Ignore him if you can, he's clearly a dickhead!

Original poster

Dryjuice25 · 03/01/2013 03:14

sorry that line should read when he remarks that ds3 is a "pervert", not dd3!

Thank you for your responses. I was beginning to think I was overreacting as we had a really unpleasant argument about this earlier on

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 03/01/2013 03:16

You are not overreacting.

MalibuStac · 03/01/2013 03:16

Absolutely not overracting, he's vile.

TapirAroundTheChristmasTree · 03/01/2013 03:18

You are totally not over-reacting to this. He needs to get a serious grip of himself.

Pochemuchka · 03/01/2013 03:20

He sounds delightful

Agree with the poster who said show him out whenever you need to feed your DS. He'll soon get the message.

Better still, tell him he won't be welcome if he keeps making ridiculous comments.

Original poster

Dryjuice25 · 03/01/2013 03:24

He argued that it's meant as an endearment! I mean who calls their child a pervert as an endearing term? And also he had made comments like "Oh, he has a big willy and how he is going to enyoy it when he gets older!" I mean please? This is beyond weird right? And this is from a guy who longed for a boy for so long! WTAF? I dont want this imposed into my brain. I have never experienced this before so its a little bit puzzling for me

OP posts:

Original poster

Dryjuice25 · 03/01/2013 03:30

I did say to him if he doesn't stop being this weird, I'd have to stop him from coming into my home and I'd have to express some milk so he can take him with him for an hour or so as he lives like 4 minutes away. He thought I was mental as he sees nothing wrong with his remarks! Nor does he understands why I am reacting like this.

OP posts:

deleted203 · 03/01/2013 03:37

It doesn't matter what he thinks. Or whether he understands or not. Who gives a fuck about his opinion? You are entitled to decide you don't like his behaviour or his manners and you don't want him in your home carrying on like this. And why would you express milk? You already said you wouldn't let him have DS at his house and now you are saying he can take him away for an hour......

Just tell him if he can't behave in the way you've asked him to in your home then he isn't welcome any more.

MalibuStac · 03/01/2013 03:38

All these comments are so very wrong. Not sure I'd want to let him have unsupervised visits.

No wonder your angry, its not ok to call a baby a pervert nor is it ok to discuss their willie size. ExP did this with DS once (willie size) I was livid and told him never to say it again. Some men think this is a thing to boast about, pathetic.

Your right to tell him off and certainly not mental, he has a cheek to question you.

Original poster

Dryjuice25 · 03/01/2013 03:53

sowornout, I see what you mean. Expressing only came out when he said I was trying to stop him having any time with his son. His whole family already think I had no right telling him to leave in the first place as our kids would be the main sufferers so I am only trying to salvage this scenario in the best interest of the kids. We have 3 kids together.

MalibuStac, I kid you not,my ex even had to do some measurements on how big ds's willy was growing!!!! My poor little boy! He has been reduced tothe size of his willy ...by his own dad!

OP posts:

MalibuStac · 03/01/2013 04:01

Measurements? Maybe its his own 'size insecurities' making him act this way.

His family have no say in your split, it also doesn't give him the right to act so crass to you and DS its disrespecting you both.

FolkElf · 03/01/2013 04:02

I dread to think what he'll be saying about his daughters in years to come!

I wouldn't be allowing him to have unsupervised contact under any circumstances given the things he's saying, tbh.

I wouldn't have him around me whilst I was breastfeeding either.

misterwife · 03/01/2013 06:25

He's a muppet, trying to be funny and failing.

Boomerwang · 03/01/2013 08:49

It's ringing warning bells for me. How much do you know about his background?

HecatePropolos · 03/01/2013 08:55

In all honesty, HE sounds like the pervert.

Who the hell looks at their baby feeding and sees something sexual? Who looks at their baby's penis and makes comments about their future sex life.

If your child was a girl, and your ex pointed at her vulva and said "That looks

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 03/01/2013 09:03

I had a childminder who told me Ds 's willy was the biggest she d seen, said 'what a Big boy' with a very adult intonation. Made my skin crawl & I tried to be ok with it, failed & didn't feel comfortable letting her near him again.... So no, I think it's grim & disturbing to sexualise a baby. If doesn't matter if it's the dad or anyone else, it's still very wrong.

Don't listen to the h or his family, they won't be convinced its wrong as its not in their interests to understand that. Don't feel like you have to explain & debate it, just make it clear that if he sexualises your son he cannot see him. Full stop. Let him froth & then get over it, if he continues in that vein then you don't want him near your son or yourself.

Good luck op

gimmecakeandcandy · 03/01/2013 09:04

He sounds very creepy and please do NOT give him unsupervised visits. I would not want him around influencing the children with his creepy thoughts - he will teach your children to think and talk like this! I would be insisting he has some kind of help to reverse his strange thinking. Is he a bit dim?

I would seriously think about contacting someone professional to voice your concerns about this and see what you can do.

His comments are wrong on so many levels.

FolkElf · 03/01/2013 09:15

He sounds like he has some serious issues with boundaries.

peaceandlovebunny · 03/01/2013 09:23

that's a very unhealthy thing to say.

misterwife · 03/01/2013 09:27

I just read the measurements bit. THAT is out of order. No way should anyone be doing that. I agree with gimmecake - no unsupervised visits.

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 03/01/2013 09:33

What a disgusting thing to say about the most natural thing in the world.
He sounds like a complete prune!

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