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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel very betrayed by this

86 replies

rutile · 02/01/2013 18:26

I run a small business and I employ my brother (18) part time to help me with the admin. Today he told me that he?s been offered another job and that if I don?t raise his pay then he?s going to take it. We have been struggling recently but we are about to enter a very busy spell and I could do without having to recruit a replacement and show them how I want things to be done etc. I have always treated him really well (eg I gave him 3 weeks off around his exam period in the summer) and I feel really hurt that he has been going behind my back looking for another job to spring his increased wage demands. DP says that?s capitalism for you and said I should have listened to him when he said I shouldn?t have employed him and mixed family and business.

OP posts:
zandy · 02/01/2013 18:29

Wish him well and send him on his way. He needs to work for others before he can properly appreciate the value of working for family.

CaptChaos · 02/01/2013 18:31

Is he worth the extra money? Could you afford to pay him more? If not, then recruit someone new, you're pretty much guaranteed to have lots of applicants.

DP is probably right, without very clear boundaries, mixing family and business is probably not the best idea.

ClippedPhoenix · 02/01/2013 18:32

If he wants to further his career/earn more then he's totally entitled to.

PessaryPam · 02/01/2013 18:33

Yup, let him go.

comedycentral · 02/01/2013 18:33

I agree with Zandy

StuntGirl · 02/01/2013 18:36

If he's found another job let him go. I agree he could have raised the issue more tactfully, but he's 18. He has no real world or job experience. Ensure he works his notice and if you can get him to help train the new starter - extra experience for him and he's not leaving you totally in the lurch wrt training.

Original poster
rutile · 02/01/2013 18:43

I probably could afford to pay him a little bit more and he is quite good at it. Its just I have been far more understanding and accomadating than a normal employer would be and he has been really sneaky and then issued me with an ultimatum.

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 02/01/2013 18:47

Is his new job a full time one? Just thinking that he might be ready for full time hours now. He will also be looking to gain more experience at his age, and a part time job for your sister doesn't look that great on a CV. I don't think he's done anything that bad, surely you would expect him to look elsewhere at some point.

hopenglory · 02/01/2013 18:48

Wish him well, Let him go and find somebody else, otherwise you'll behaving the same conversation in about 3 months

Original poster
rutile · 02/01/2013 18:50

No its a part-time job in a bar that he's going to do whilst finishing his A Levels.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/01/2013 18:50

Let him go with your blessing and let him find out for himself whether the grass is greener or or not

It is examples like this that reinforce to me that having friends/family as employee/employer rarely works out well long term

NatashaBee · 02/01/2013 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
rutile · 02/01/2013 18:55

He's got a contract and he's on the minimum wage

OP posts:
SandStorm · 02/01/2013 19:01

He needs to learn that if you issue an ultimatum you have to be prepared to follow it through.

uiler · 02/01/2013 19:01

YABVU you pay your brother the minimum wage which is the lowest you can legally get away with and is a poverty wage and then get upset when he tries to get a better offer to use as leverage to get you to up his pay.

poiler · 02/01/2013 19:05

You need to decide whether he is worth the salary increase if he is pay it if not then boot his backside out of the door.

Have to say I admire his confidence, for a 18yo he sounds to have a lot of balls.

EarlyInTheMorning · 02/01/2013 19:05

Even if you paying him a little more to get him to stay he's obviously looking for other options. You might increase his wages and find that in three months time he still wants to go. Be graceful about it, wish him good luck, give him a fantastic reference (sounds like he deserves it) but ask him to work his notice and train a new person (I'm looking for work Xmas Blush)

2beornot · 02/01/2013 19:06

What would you do if it wasn't your brother? Because you should exactly that. He hasn't treated you more favourably than any other employer so he should expect that back.

I do think he's entitled to do what he did however, but he should be prepared to go through with it!!

e4r · 02/01/2013 19:17

You can hardly expect unquestioned loyalty family or not when you only the minimum wage. You are paying the least you can in order to maximise your returns and he is doing the same. The way that he seems to have chosen to do this when you sound to need him the most shows a ruthlessness to be admired.

e4r · 02/01/2013 19:18

sorry that should be

You can hardly expect unquestioned loyalty family or not when you only pay the minimum wage.

libelulle · 02/01/2013 19:19

You only pay him the minimum wage!!! And you have to ask why he is leaving?!

HecatePropolos · 02/01/2013 19:21

Let him go. You have to be able to separate family and business. Treat him as you would anyone else.

StuffezLaBouche · 02/01/2013 19:21

He's not being "sneaky" in looking for a new job. He's considering his future, and good luck to him.

NervousReindeer · 02/01/2013 19:23

I agree let him go. He'll quickly realise it had it more comfortable

CloudsAndTrees · 02/01/2013 19:23

He's 18 and still a student! There's nothing wrong with paying him minimum wage!

OP I agree with getting someone else in and getting your brother to help with the training.

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