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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to really not want him staying here

15 replies

theowlworrier · 01/01/2013 17:07

DH's best man has just gotten married. For honeymoon they are planning on coming to visit the country we live in. He has just (with 2 weeks notice)said can they spend a few days with us.
AIBU to say he can get stuffed? I cannot stand the guy- he behaved in an utterly vile way towards my best friend and is a self important misogynistic twat of the highest order.
In addition to this, we have a baby who although she sleeps through, is likely to be completely wound up by visitors and take an age to get back into our routine. We are also trying very hard to save these next couple of months, and i don't particularly want us to splurge half of what we would save on having people staying at short notice.
I also get the sense he has said to his fiancee/wife that it will be fine, no problem, they will be able to stay with us. I am a bit miffed that after barely showing an interest in visiting DH, his supposed best mate over the last three years, it is suddenly handy to save some money on his honeymoon and he is suddenly super keen to see us.,

OP posts:

Inertia · 01/01/2013 17:10

Tell him no sorry, it's not possible but DH / all of you could arrange to meet while they are in the country.

hermioneweasley · 01/01/2013 17:18

Why is your husband's best friend a misogynistic twat of highest order?

Other than that, I can understand why when they have saved for a honeymoon, they are now able to afford to visit. In terms of savings, you can agree a budget with your DH in advance and maybe ask them to contribute sme wine?

Having a baby is no reason not to have guests!

exexpat · 01/01/2013 17:21

Have you forgotten that those few days are precisely when you are getting your spare room redecorated/bathroom retiled/sofabed recovered etc?

pictish · 01/01/2013 17:21

Yanbu to dislike him and not want him to stay.

Yabu to use having a baby as an excuse.

Montybojangles · 01/01/2013 17:21

You might not like him, but your DH must do if he was his best man. You are moaning that he's never visited before, but he wants to now and is tying it in with his honeymoon to save the expense of flights twice. Perhaps he has spent the last 3 years saving for his wedding/honeymoon and so couldn't afford to visit sooner. You don't really need to spend lots on them really.
If its only a couple of days (which im sure you could say was all thats possible) I'm not sure what your problem is to be honest. I'm suprised that his new wife is ok about though, my honeymoon plans would not involve visiting friends for a few days!!

TheMonster · 01/01/2013 17:25

I'd say no. If you're not happy with it, then don't do it.

ellee · 01/01/2013 17:37

Yabu

You wouldn't like it if your dh said your friend couldn't visit woulld you? It's your dh's home too and he should be able to have a good friend visit.

HappyNewHissy · 01/01/2013 17:39

You don't have to have a soul in your home if you don't want to. If NO is your immediate thought, stick with it.

If you relent, it will come back to bite you on the arse.

Just say no that it's not convenient, that you don't like to have guests to stay, and offer to book them a B&B. Be honest.

ClippedPhoenix · 01/01/2013 17:43

Why would they want to stay with you anyway? If I'd just got married I'd maybe visit/spend time with you but want to go back to the privacy of a hotel with my new spouse after.

Original poster

theowlworrier · 01/01/2013 17:50

I know, using the baby as an excuse is lame. OK, if I am honest, I just can't bear the guy and really do not want to spare any of my time for him. Fair enough if that makes me unreasonable, I am willing to accept that. I will speak to DH, and just see if we can minimize the time that I actually need to intersect with them. Will make myself busy at work I think- should be able to do that without seeming rude, especially as it is such short notice, it is feasible I wouldn't be able to take time off... thanks for the reality check!

OP posts:

KittyFane1 · 01/01/2013 18:31

Of course they should visit for a few days OP.
E-mail them details of a few local B+Bs/ Hotels.
Tell them they need to look into it and book quick otherwise they will be disappointed. HTH

Sallyingforth · 01/01/2013 18:53

Kitty has the answer.
Don't make an excuse like decorating - or you'll have to make another one when they try again next year and the year after.

Tryharder · 01/01/2013 19:04

YABU. What does your DH have to say given that it's his friend and he shares your house? Surely you could stand him for a few days?

IDontDoIroning · 01/01/2013 19:18

I think you need to find out what this stay entails ie is it just a base to sleep and they will be out and about all day fending for them selves or will they be "on honeymoon" and expect 4* accommodation etc ie to be fed watered waited on entertained driven round the local tourist spots etc ? Probably either expecting dh to take time off work to do this or op to act as taxi driver / cook / mine host etc while looking after her dc.

Op's dh needs to find out more about their expectations for this proposed stay. If it were the first and all they wanted was a base to sleep then it might be ok for the op to put up with it for the sake of her dhs friendship with this man.

Whoever if he will be expecting the latter then I would put a stop to it or get dh to explain that if (when) they stay it will only be for x days and it will be on the basis of the first scenario.

mumagain38 · 01/01/2013 19:27

i think u are being a little un reasonable.... only for the fact i bet ur DH would be over the moon to see him. My Dp book me on a 'surprise birthday treat' to egypt only for me to find out that his mate was also going with his new wife with what would have been a late honeymoon. Needless to say me and newley wed wife were a little miffed--her more than me of course! but my DP and her DP love each other lol and seen no problem with this at all!! I also hate it when my DH parents come over for a visit as i cant stand them but i grit my teeth as its only a few days and it makes my DP happy which he always tries to do for me. They prob wont try next year as its took so long to come this time and if they do, u book ur self a weekend away! xx

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