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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my inlaws to

56 replies

mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:18

bring a present for the kids to unwrap on Xmas day?
The send a card with £5 each child in a few days before. They came for lunch but brought nothing, not even a mars bar. They are not broke. They didn't even ask if they could bring anything for the table. But what really hurt was they brought nothing at all for the children. I think this is just rude. The kids were quite hurt that we gave them their pressies, some just from the kids, but they didn't bring anything for them. It didn't have to be anything expensive but something they choose for the kids themselves, they are their only grandchildren. AIBU? or is it me being sensitive?

OP posts:
usualsuspect3 · 31/12/2012 13:21

This reply has been deleted

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DragonMamma · 31/12/2012 13:21

YANBU

A selection box costs a couple of quid max.

My PIL's live abroad but send a card and transferred money for us to get some things. Even my DGM (so my kids great gran) gave them £50 each and bought them some clothes and a small toy each to open on Xmas day!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 31/12/2012 13:23

You are being sensitive, they got money. If your kids are hurt because they got money but nothing to unwrap then I think you need to have a word with them about gratitude too. (I also think you would have complained at your children getting a wrapped up mars bar on christmas day)

Pancakeflipper · 31/12/2012 13:23

Taking this from what you have said ( that they are able, are not struggling etc) then yes it seems sad that the kids didn't get something to open on the actual day. They could have saved the cards ( and saved money on the stamps) with the £5's and given them on the day.

Do they struggle to know what to give people as presents? Just very poor present buyers?

Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:24

it was the lack of caring and being bothered to choose something for them. not how much it cost but the caring it represents

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HappyNewBleurgh · 31/12/2012 13:24

Yanbu.

You say they didn't bring anything for the table either. They came for lunch and didn't even bring a bottle of wine? BlimeyHmm

usualsuspect3 · 31/12/2012 13:25

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Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:26

and their dog gets at least four or five presents.

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Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:27

the money was in a group xmas card, not even seperate named ones. i just thought it was a xmas card

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Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:28

£5 note means nothing to our youngest
a mars bar would have been like a gold bar!

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usualsuspect3 · 31/12/2012 13:30

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HappyNewBleurgh · 31/12/2012 13:30

What does dh think? Have they always been the same?

Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:30

they always buy their son a nice present and i get £5 boots voucher

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Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:31

nope i don't
they left the hospital without seeing their youngest very sick grandchild when they were told it was touch and go.

and the reason?
to get back to the dog

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MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 31/12/2012 13:32

Why didn't you nip out beforehand and buy something with the money they sent? My brother always sends money because he doesn't know what I have and haven't bought and I choose something from him.

Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:32

dh thinks they are just mis guided
if she had died they would have never seen her, her birth was very touch and go

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FredFredGeorge · 31/12/2012 13:33

YABVU if you've brought up your children to expect presents to the extent that they are hurt if they don't receive them.

Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:33

i assumed that they would bring something, i never occured to me that they wouldn't. silly really by past form. i should have realised

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HappyNewBleurgh · 31/12/2012 13:33

Maybe give them a miss next year.

They can spend Christmas with the dog.

PhoebeGreen · 31/12/2012 13:34

I stopped trying to figure out my in-laws years ago.

They favour my SILs children over mine to such an extent that when I mention their actions to my friends, they think I'm making it up.

It used to upset me. Then it made me angry. Then sad. Then resigned. Now I just laugh.

I just present a positive image of my in-laws to my children, and I smooth over as many of the irritating wrinkles my in-laws create as I can, and accept that we are never going to be on the same wavelength - thank god!

The only way for me to stay sane is to view them as dotty sitcom characters who occasionally collide with me in real life.

Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:34

i think expecting presents from your grandparents on xmas day is not being ureasonable

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Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:35

maybe i need to do that too. it just hurts me to see my youngest hurt

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usualsuspect3 · 31/12/2012 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru · 31/12/2012 13:36

were the £5 notes each not the presents?

Original poster
mum382013 · 31/12/2012 13:37

older two see them for what they are but the youngest was hurt

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