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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hacked off at boyfriends comment?

44 replies

starlightbright · 31/12/2012 01:51

Me and the boyfriend have been together around 6 months now. He occasionally mentions his ex. They weren't married and they've been broken up for 3 years now.

Last night in bed he made a comment of "you really look like my ex Lucy" ... (erm ... ok, possibly fine perhaps he has a type he goes for?) ... and he then follows it with "yeah when I was getting ready for work the other morning you were asleep and I wasn't sure if it was you or her."

To say I was hacked off would be an understatement. I fell asleep in a huff and he left the next morning and things were pretty awkward. He tried to justify himself by saying he was really tired and was therefore just talking crap.

My friend thinks aibu, but I don't think I am. So I'll ask the MN jury instead.

OP posts:
sundaywriter · 31/12/2012 01:52

I'd be pissed off

SoleSource · 31/12/2012 01:55

Hmmm he needs to get over her. LTB :)

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2012 01:58

Not unreasonable.

At all.

I'm sure that if my DP ever thought I reminded him of his (utterly mad) ex,ever, he very much kept that as an inside thought. As have I(though I've only ever thought "omg you are so much better")

Your friend clearly has low standards.

I'd go ballistic if he told me I reminded him of his ex.

Are you sure this isn't a rebound thing for him?

BonkeyMollocks · 31/12/2012 01:58

I would 'accidently' mention that my ex was gun.like a donkey....Wink

BonkeyMollocks · 31/12/2012 01:59

*hung
Damn phone!

BonkeyMollocks · 31/12/2012 01:59

Yanbu btw"

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2012 02:00

I say the last sentence as a woman who met kept DP literally merely days after he split with his on/off girlfriend. Not judging you OP

SirBoobAlot · 31/12/2012 02:01

What. A. Twat.

A stranger (who didn't know we were together at the time) told me I reminded her of DPs ex, was there any relation? To say I bristled was putting it mildly. When I told him, he said, "Well you're both very caring people..." and then trailed off.

I got flowers the next day, if that helps Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2012 02:02

Bonkey had an ex hung like a Pringles box once. I deliberately made him dump me. It was awful. The sex I mean.

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2012 02:04

Seriously OP.. You can do better than a bloke who thinks comparing you to his ex normal/okay

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2012 02:06

*i think mu longtime DP is better. I'm not a weirdy.

Original poster
starlightbright · 31/12/2012 02:07

I do sometimes consider if it's a rebound thing.

For example we were shopping in Sainsbury's yesterday. I was picking up some milk when he starts saying "me and my ex Lucy once stole wine from a supermarket"

Erm ... firstly I'm judging you for stealing anything and secondly how is this even relevant and why the hell do I need to know this.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 31/12/2012 02:08

"You remind me of my kindergarten boyfriend. Your penis is the same size."

Gingersstuff · 31/12/2012 02:12

Tell him the wine-stealing Lucy is welcome to him. What age is he, 12? Oh, and he is most definitely a twat. And a fud.

trapclap · 31/12/2012 02:13

Oqh gawd, no he really has no need to even mention her in those contexts. He thinks about her way too much

expatinscotland · 31/12/2012 02:14

After three years? He's still mentioning her and then comes out with that?

And he didn't even apologise?

I'm dump him for being such a fucking freak.

GothAnneGeddes · 31/12/2012 02:17

No, no, no, no.

You should not be mentioning your ex in such unnecessary circumstances 3 years after you've broken up with them. No way.

Especially as he seems to mention her rather too fondly. I'd jumping ship if I were you.

Original poster
starlightbright · 31/12/2012 02:18

He did apologise ... but then I rolled over so I wasn't facing and he tried to put his arm around me but I shrugged him off and then he just muttered "ffs" and went to sleep.

Which is way it so awkward in the morning.

He text me to say has he completed fucked things up between us?

I've replied saying I don't know.

I really am considering leaving him over this.

OP posts:
Original poster
starlightbright · 31/12/2012 02:20

I generally don't mind people mentioning their exs but only if it's relevant.

Just because we were in a supermarket doesn't make his story relevant.

I guess it was obvious he was thinking about her at the time. How nice.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 31/12/2012 02:22

Considering?! This guy's weird. Dump.

GothAnneGeddes · 31/12/2012 02:24

O.P, listen to the alarm bells and get rid. Tbh, you can't be that in to him and if so, then there's no need to stay with him, when you're always going to be compared to "The One That Got Away"

EllenParsons · 31/12/2012 02:43

I do think it's weird that he obviously still thinks of her often and brings her up irrelevantly and inappropriately. Yanbu to mind this and consider it a big problem.

Earlybird · 31/12/2012 02:47

Just curious - did his ex break up with him, or was it the other way 'round? Also, has he had a relationship since he split with the ex?

And, yanbu, btw. I'd be upset, hurt and angry at regular references and/or comparisons. He sounds inconsiderate and immature.

Original poster
starlightbright · 31/12/2012 02:53

I'm surprised that I don't know for certain but I think it was her who broke up with him.

I think she was older than him too and it was his first serious relationship, as hes told me numerous times that they lived together.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 31/12/2012 02:59

Maybe he still loves her - or at least, isn't over her yet.

Either way, doesn't sound as if he is able to give you his full emotional 'attention' and/or care.