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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that I'm an only child?

108 replies

perceptionInaPearTree · 30/12/2012 23:38

At Christmas, particularly all my friends have their siblings to visit etc. I feel like I've missed out - I would have loved a brother or sister to have a close relationship with and talk to on the phone.

I'm very glad my children won't ever feel the way I do (lonely) as I have three.

Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 30/12/2012 23:42

I had 4 sisters - one died many years ago, two live in one country, the third in another and me in yet another. But they are still my sisters, so YANBU.

My Ds is an only child though and I worry about him feling this way in later years. I am 46 now. Not sure if I have the energy to try for another at my age???

Hopefully when you are old and grey, you can have all your children and their families over for big and happy visits!

ChiefOwl · 30/12/2012 23:42

Absolutely, I have 2 dc but would love more. I swore growing up I would never have just one dc. I love how mine always have someone to share exciting things with (like Xmas) don't get me wrong they argue but they live each other very much . I am hoping their relationship stays this way.

Soupqueen · 30/12/2012 23:43

YABU

I have a sibling. Can't remember the last time we spent a Christmas together, must be about 15 years.

peaceandlovebunny · 30/12/2012 23:44

i have one child. i would have had more if i could.

i have one brother. i don't see him. he looked shocked when i pointed out that i'd never see him again after my parents die, as i only see him if we chance to be seeing them at the same time. i was sorry to have upset him but its true.

LiegeAndLief · 30/12/2012 23:45

My only sibling is in Australia at the moment. Christmas is time for one of our tri annual phone calls (also each other's birthday).

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 30/12/2012 23:45

YABU because you have no way of knowing or guaranteeing that, if you had siblings, you'd all still get along well enough or be geographically close enough to have the kind of relationship you're imagining. Your own children could easily grow apart as they get older. In my own family, my DB and I live 200 miles apart, speak only occasionally and don't spend much time together. No animosity just that's how it goes.

Ilovejellysweets · 30/12/2012 23:48

Yes. I have 1 older brother who is an arse. So as far ad I'm concerned I'm an only child. History has repeated itself I have an age gap of 19 yrs between my boys so the wee one is practically an only child. I try to involve him in so much but I do feel he's missed out.

MichelleRooJnr · 30/12/2012 23:51

YABU.
Especially at christmas.
You have 3 children - you will have their company every christmas for a long time I'm sure.
I have 5 siblings. They spend christmas with their families / children.
I have no children and feel it badly at christmas.
I'd rather have 3 of my own with me at christmas than a phone chat with adult siblings.

ArtigeneAuberchoke · 30/12/2012 23:55

I feel exactly the sane as you OP. I find being an only very lonely. Never did I feel it as acutely as when I nursed my mum as she died. I feel it at Christmas, on the anniversaries of my parents' deaths, on my children's birthdays.

Like you I have gone for 3 DCs and o hope they grow up with more of a sense of belonging to a clan and having a safety net of family behind them.

timidviper · 30/12/2012 23:57

It's swings and roundabouts but I think YABU as you are thinking the grass is always greener on the other side.

Siblings can be great to share things with but, equally, can often fail to live up to expectations. Relationships are not always close even if you would like them to be.

I have one sibling who is unfailingly self-orientated and who, despite being on good terms with all the family and having just received cards and gifts from everybody for a birthday, has not sent any of us (elderly parent included) so much as a Christmas card.

Siblings are not always close no matter how much we would like that and I have had no phone calls or visits either.

MrsMaggot · 30/12/2012 23:58

I am an only child and i always wanted a brother, i spent today with dh and sil and it was so nice to hear them talk about the things they did (and the way they fell out) as kids. It was something i couldn't relate to and i was a bit jealous.
I don't think Yabu to want somethin you've never had that a lot of people have but i think Im a bit bias coz Im in the same boat

BananaBubbles · 31/12/2012 00:00

You're entitled to your feelings,but having siblings is no guarantee that you'll have a good relationship with them. My uncles caused my mother no end of trouble,though she does love them,and my cousins have done practically nothing to support each other through a recent bereavement,unless constantly arguing and injuring each other counts.

Of course plenty of people have a good,healthy relationship with their sibling,but there are no guarantees.They could be your worst enemy,or best friend or anything inbetween.

Personally I'm very content with my only child status.

Bunnyjo · 31/12/2012 00:03

YABU - I am an only child and would have loved a sibling, but my mum had a late mc and also a stillbirth after me. Yes, I wonder if I'll feel lonely when my parents are no longer here. But there is nothing my parents can do about that and, bearing in mind what they went through, I understand why I'm an only child. I certainly don't feel sad about being an only child.

My family is now my DH and DCs. We are very close to my parents and MIL. Interestingly we are not close to my BIL, DH's brother. So, have I missed out? Probably not...

Original poster
perceptionInaPearTree · 31/12/2012 00:04

Cogito - I think you're right to some extent and tbh I look at my mother who has 5 siblings - and they regularly fall out - she speaks to only 2 of them. All because of how their mother played them off against each other. Perhaps this would have happened to me anyway?

Of course I am very grateful for the three girls I have. But I have had three because I don't want them to be lonely iyswim.

OP posts:
Zavi · 31/12/2012 00:05

Y MightBU

Me and my siblings (3) fought all the time. I hated having them!

Now, I love having them. Our children - first cousins - have a blast together.

Hated my brothers and sisters growing up. love them now because they extend my DC's family.

my DC loves nothing more than getting it together with the cousins.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 31/12/2012 00:10

"Perhaps this would have happened to me anyway?"

Who knows? What's very certain, however, is that if you go through life feeling resentful about things you can't change, you'll make yourself miserable. Whereas if you make the most of the hand you've been dealt and try to appreciate things as they actually are, you're more likely to be happy.

HappyNewBleurgh · 31/12/2012 00:27

I am an only and have 3dc. I don't feel at all lonely surrounded by them and all the chaos.

I don't crave a sibling now as an adult but looking back and observing my own dc, I think when I was a child having a sibling(s) would have been a good thing for lots of reasons. Thats why I wanted a bigger family myself.

Utterlylostandneedtogo · 31/12/2012 00:27

Siblings are over rated

TwoFacedCows · 31/12/2012 00:27

i have a sister and brother. I can not stand my sister, she is a actual loon, as well as being nasty and spiteful and self-centred. I , apparently, hated her from the moment she was born.

My brother on the other hand i get on quite well. he is a hot tempered pain in the arse, but we go out socially, for dinner etc and will speak via texts or calls. I never just talk to my sister, only if i need to and her the same to me.

I could start a whole great long bloody thread on her, but i cant be sure she is not on here!!

SO i would much rather not have such a strange sister, we are very different, so just dont get on.

shame

ChasingAwhiterabbit · 31/12/2012 00:29

I don't think YABU.

I absolutely love having an older sister, but then again we are close. If we hated each other then perhaps I would think differently.

However be thankful for what you do have and don't dwell on what can never change.

Utterlylostandneedtogo · 31/12/2012 00:30

twofaced your sister sounds just like mine, spiteful, mercenary, nasty and self centred

Ghostsgowoooh · 31/12/2012 00:30

Yanbu. I have 2 half brothers who disappeared into the care system when I was five and I've had little contact with them since.

I grew up as an only and I hated it. I only have my mum now and when she goes I will have not a soul left of my own family. No aunts, uncles, grandparents apart from my vindictive and abusive grandmother, and no cousins.

I have 4 dc. I don't want them to be lonely in the way I was and am.

TwoFacedCows · 31/12/2012 00:42

yep! poor us. how funny if we were actually each others sisters?!

older or younger?

Utterlylostandneedtogo · 31/12/2012 00:45

Mines older. Have a kid brother too

Droflove · 31/12/2012 00:51

Yanbu. I was taught from a young age that my sister is a special friend for life and that we would always have each other. Fast forward 30 years and I have never doubted that and it's the way it is. I think kids do need to be encouraged to treat their siblings with love, respect and buddies for life. Otherwise even those relationships can break down.