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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about jumping on furniture?

17 replies

EMS23 · 27/12/2012 19:33

I know we all find ourselves repeating similar things to our DC's like don't jump on the furniture.

And I know DC's are bound to not listen a lot of the time but I haven't got a bloody hope when DH openly disagrees with me in front of them, mocks me for being bossy and moody and then when I pull him up on it away from them, gives me the silent treatment all evening.

AIBU to be fuming over this?

So as not to drip feed, we have 2 DD's together but this particular row is because his DS (9yo), my DSS, keeps jumping on the furniture. FWIW I don't think this is a step parenting issue, I think it's about kids having respect for the house and all the kids have respect for me as a parent (step or otherwise).

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 27/12/2012 19:36

yanbu, I think it's pretty standard not to want people, children or otherwise, jumping all over your furniture? And definitely not on to openly mock you, that's just childish and rude.

Is this something he lets his son only get away with, or is he like it with your girls too?

thebody · 27/12/2012 19:40

He's 9! Not acceptable and hope your dh doesn't think this is acceptable at friends houses.. He would get a ticking off here.

Does your dh often treat you with disrespect and behave like a knob?

I don't envy you coping with your dss as a stroppy teen if your dh let's him treat you like this now.

Spatsky · 27/12/2012 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EMS23 · 27/12/2012 19:46

Funnily enough TheBody, that was one of the points I tried to make earlier. That at some point DSS will display a lack of respect for me that will shock DH but he will have himself to blame.
TBH DSS has recently started to disregard me more and more and I think it's stuff like this to blame.

Stuntgirl our DD'S are only 2yo and 14 weeks so its hard to compare just yet.

DH definitely likes to be 'fun dad' but I draw the line at destruction of property!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 27/12/2012 19:46

Jumping on furniture isn't acceptable. But it's hard when you are getting no back-up. I don't always get back up over from my DH and it causes arguments and makes me furious. But he doesn't always get back up from me overs certain things we disagree about. It isn't easy.

Gilberte · 27/12/2012 19:46

Am i only person who lets my kids jump on the furniture then? Obviously they have to have their shoes off and I don't let them do it in other people's houses but I'm happy to turn my sofa into a trampoline.

I do, however, have other no nos. Really dislike children standing on kitchen worktops for example- very unhygenic though DP seems to think it's ok

Your house, your rules but I agree very annoying when you and DH can't agree

Doshusallie · 27/12/2012 19:48

Jumping on furniture is unacceptable IMO. I bollock my kids for doing it (which sometimes works sometimes not). I'll get there in the end though - they know it's naughty.

fuzzypicklehead · 27/12/2012 19:49

OP, can your hubby afford to buy you a new sofa in the near future? With a 9yo jumping on it, I can't imagine it will last long...

My 3 & 4 yo are currently banished from the sofa for bouncing offenses and have to sit on beanbags because it drives me nuts.

Delayingtactic · 27/12/2012 19:50

I completely agree this is a general parenting thing. He's 9! Old enough to know better. I can't abide people who go all sulky if someone disagrees with them. FGS as an adult you should be able to discuss something with your partner without them behaving like a 2 yr old.

simplesusan · 27/12/2012 19:51

Wow.
It's a good job he is not my step child as I would be tempted to say "Stop jumping on the furniture, you might break it. Rather like if I demonstrate with your beloved toy here. See me jumping up and down on it is breaking it, see, oh look now it is completely ruined. So now it is only fit for the bin, where I shall throw it. Now you do understand don't you. The very next time you attempt to damage my furniture, I will take another one of your toys and do the same to that."

digerd · 27/12/2012 19:51

Does his DS live with you or just visit?

chandellina · 27/12/2012 19:58

Yanbu, but need to agree on the rules. I usually don't allow any jumping but was letting my 4 year old do energetic roly polys on the sofa tonight, after deciding maybe it's time to give up on the sofa and let it get trashed for a few years. Dh came in and told DS off and so I was guilty of bending rules.

Otherwise there is no standing allowed on chairs by my children, whether at home or out. Standing on kitchen worktops is definitely not on!

Original poster
EMS23 · 27/12/2012 19:59

Simplesusan - I like that!! I couldn't actually do it but I do really like it!

Digerd - he lives with us 50% of the time. He is very much part of the family (own room, toys here etc..).

OP posts:
thebody · 27/12/2012 20:06

EM if I were you I would bypass dh and as other posters have said tackle dss by yourself, ie talk to him directly and tell him if he carries on being silly then he will be punished.

However give him lots of praise and support and perhaps laugh about your dh with him in a nice way.. May help cement your relationship with him and help your dh to grow up.

Must b hard for you though.

apostrophethesnowman · 27/12/2012 20:21

YANBU. Your DP needs to grow up and realise that he's damaging your relationship with your stepson by undermining you.

Jumping on furniture (or standing on kitchen worktops? Hmm as someone mentioned earlier?) is unacceptable from a child of any age, but it's just plain ridiculous from a nine year old.

I wonder if he undermined your SS's mother in this way.

Original poster
EMS23 · 27/12/2012 20:53

TheBody - I try to go directly but if DH doesn't back me up it means nothing. On Xmas day DSS was rude to my Dad so I took my IPad off him for a while and made him apologise. DH was furious with me for 'ruining his sons Christmas'.

Apostrophe - they split when DSS was 6mo so no, not about this sort of thing anyway and since their split he'd be too scared of having contact stopped to ever disagree with or be rude to her. Not that she would do that now but they had a tough first year, post break up and she made lots of threats of that nature.

If anything, DSS's mum often agrees with me! We are all on very friendly terms now and see each other at each others houses regularly so I see how she disciplines DSS and what he can and can't do at her house.

OP posts:
Pozzled · 27/12/2012 21:03

This isn't really about the furniture, is it? It's about you and your DH making parenting decisions as a team and supporting each other. Do you have an agreed set of 'house rules'? If not, I would sit down with your DH when you're both calm and work out the things that really matter and the things you can let go. And make it a rule that you never disagree in front of the kids- you back each other up and then discuss it later.

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