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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate Work Parties...

27 replies

Snowinsummer · 14/12/2012 11:44

It's happened again.

Last year a young girl literally threw herself at DH. He promptly left & came home & told me about it. He thinks its nothing & quite funny.

Then last night in his other place of work a girl in her late 20s tries it on Shock
He's the boss & the way they do it would amount to harassment I'm sure if it were the other way around.

I feel let down by the sisterhood. He again laughs it off saying how embarrassed she is going to be today.

I am not a particularly jealous type & I trust him but I feel saddened that this sort of thing has happened pretty regularly in our 16 yr old marriage (plus it never happens to me!!)

They all know about me & our 3 boys Hmm.

AIBU?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/12/2012 11:47

Are you witnessing this or is he telling you...

CajaDeLaMemoria · 14/12/2012 11:49

No...that's pretty terrible. What type of company does he work at? I guess that might make a big difference. I thought that type of thing was only talked about in magazines. The girls must be mortified - and very drunk! And your husband gets put in a very awkward position very publicly, too.

OH's work are crazy about parties, but it's quite formal. He had one last night, one tonight, one Saturday, and next Wednesday. His team want to do one next Friday too. They are a mix of meals out, pub quizzes and going to nearby cities.

It's driving me mad but only because it's so expensive!

Original poster
Snowinsummer · 14/12/2012 11:49

He's telling me when he gets back. Just to reiterate I trust him.
Just feel annoyed that these girls are basically asking him to cheat on me Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowinsummer · 14/12/2012 11:53

Can't say where he works as might 'out' me but its not v exciting! Def not showbusiness. There is a big drinking culture though but DH can't as always has to drive home afterwards. The party was at work last year & in a restaurant last night.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/12/2012 11:54

Why does he feel the need to brag about it, because this is what I see it as.

He knows it makes you feel uncomfortable and unhappy, so why bloody torment you about it. Does it boost his ego having these women chatting him up?

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 14/12/2012 11:55

Hmmm. Are you sure you believe him?

Are you more attractive than him

Wishfulmakeupping · 14/12/2012 11:56

It's good that he's told you. Could you not go along next year?

littlemissstan · 14/12/2012 11:58

I was saying this the other day... There is a woman at DP's work who texts him every time she is drunk, he doesn't reply (I have seen his phone) but they are sort of 'where are you, I miss you' type things. He has been to HR about it as it was upsetting me and making him very uncomfortable (she is older and in a more senior role) who advised reporting it, but he doesn't want it on his record that he made a complaint against a manager for something that his colleague suggested 'was just banter'. I do feel that if it was reversed, with a younger female employee getting this level of unwanted attention from an older male manager, it would immediately be seen as harrassment. I just don't know what she hopes to achieve by it, she is married and also knows all about me.

It's his Christmas do tonight and I am already concerned about it :(

MolotovCocktail · 14/12/2012 11:59

I'm not convinced that he's bragging. I know my DH would tell me if this was happening to him because he wouldn't want to 'hide' anything from me: especially something that could so easily be misconstrued.

However, I'd be fucking livid with the other women, and my gut would tell me to march to his work and punch them in the face. Of course, as a reasonable individual, I wouldn't actually do this!

I would, however, request that my DH refrains from going to works parties in future, instead taking me out; spending the money and lavishing his attention ON ME. That'll show 'em.

Original poster
Snowinsummer · 14/12/2012 12:00

I would say we were about the same level of attractiveness but I don't really flirt. It does boost his ego a bit I think, but I'm sure he'd prefer it wasn't happening. He's not an insecure type. He's telling me as I'm sure he believes keeping everything in the open's the best way to go. He's not doing it in a boasting way. In fact I do actually prefer to know just wish it wasn't happening (2nd time this year) plus he's got another one tonight...

OP posts:
flurp · 14/12/2012 12:01

I can well believe it. I used to work in an office where the Christmas do was just a free for all. All the single young girls would be getting off with the bosses and laughing about it all on Monday morning (Disclaimer - I never did, my dp at the time worked for the same company)
Looking back now I feel for the poor wives of these guys at home with the kids while their 'D'Hs are out partying and snogging the young girls. Sad
I think its good that he leaves and comes home and tells you tbh. It would be worse if you heard it second hand as gossip.

MolotovCocktail · 14/12/2012 12:01

I'm working on the assumption there that partners can't come to his office do's.

MolotovCocktail · 14/12/2012 12:03

I'd not be able to handle my anger if my DH got off with some flirty bint at work. Razorblade sandwiches for him on Monday if he did that ... joke!

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 14/12/2012 12:08

So is he flirty?

Its just strange that its happened more than once. If he is flirting maybe the women think he fancies them.

Perhaps they need to be told its inappropriate and he needs to be less flirty.

manicinsomniac · 14/12/2012 12:12

Aren't partners allowed to go?

My work party is tonight and it will be full of husbands and wives of my colleagues. I don't really like it (because I'm a bitter singleton and it stops me having as much fun!) but I suspect quite a lot of people wouldn't even go if they couldn't take their partners.

YANBU to like your husband's work parties. Most work parties are awesome though, imo.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 14/12/2012 12:16

I'm glad he tells you, because it'd look worse if you found out.

Does he have a flirty personality they could me mis-reading?

Or are they just so drunk that they are throwing themselves at anyone?

Original poster
Snowinsummer · 14/12/2012 12:25

I would say that he's more on the side of friendly than flirty. The girls are pretty drunk but I personally believe that being drunk just removes your inhibitions so they probably do fancy him. I know he talks about me a lot at work so his family life is not at all hidden iykwim. It's also happened twice at parties when I have been there & another time at work (not at a party - just someone he worked with wanting an affair Shock)

OP posts:
DadOnIce · 14/12/2012 12:30

Chap can't win, can he?! If he tells DW some girl at work tried it on, he's "bragging about it" Hmm - if he doesn't, then when it comes out he'll be accused of trying to hide it.

Original poster
Snowinsummer · 14/12/2012 12:33

I agree Dad, not blaming DH. Just feel aggrieved that these girls think it's ok to give it a go.

OP posts:
bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 14/12/2012 12:33

I didn't say he shouldn't have told her. I just think its strange for a man to have 2 different young women throw themselves at him, even though they know he is married.

I wondered if he exaggerated it because OP is so attractive he feels insecure. Xmas Grin

WitchOfEndor · 14/12/2012 12:34

I went to our works party this week and I don't know if I'm just getting old but I was really surprised by how some people were behaving. No 'cheating' as far as I saw but lots of sitting on laps, hands on arses, holding/stroking hands between people who I know have other halves. I don't mind a kiss on the cheek hello/goodbye but these guys were kissing on the lips.. I think that that sort of behaviour is disrespectful to your OH, I wouldn't be happy if DH had a girl sitting on his lap half the night or he had his hand on her arse! I tried my best to hide my catsbum mouth as its not my business!

Original poster
Snowinsummer · 14/12/2012 12:39

I see what you mean, but on 2 occasions I was actually there. Once we were literally leaving a party & he was grabbed & snogged on the lips right in front if me Shock couldn't quite believe it but had never liked the woman anyway.
The other time was at a house party & I think that any of the married men would have been fair game once their DWs had gone to bed.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 14/12/2012 12:50

I would suggest he speaks to hr if he feels it amounts to sexual harassment.

Christmas or not I don't find this behaviour acceptable.

Oh and ime of nights out I always find women worse than men for inappropriate behaviour. Or maybe that's just my colleagues!

LimeLeafLizard · 14/12/2012 12:53

YANBU. My DH also goes to evening work events frequently all year round, but especially at this time of year. He's never told me about anyone actively coming on to him though, so either he just isn't as attractive as your DH or else he isn't as honest! Grin

I do trust him, he loves me and his children and he knows he'd be getting the same sandwiches as molotov's dh if he did anything, but I'm aware that the drink fuelled environment can easily lead to inappropriate behaviour. I saw it myself when I was in my 20s and early 30s. Not sure there is anything that can be done about it though.

Original poster
Snowinsummer · 14/12/2012 13:07

So it's not just me then Hmm
Please don't flame me when I say I'm a bit shocked that quite a few of you have experienced similar. I don't think that it's the considered social stereotype. Indeed in my job I have never experienced any gorm if flirting/harrassment from the men I work with.

OP posts:
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