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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my SIL should drop her baby round..

85 replies

oaks2012 · 07/12/2012 21:12

My brother looked exhausted the last time I saw him, turns out he is up from 5.30 in the morning to look after the baby so SIL can get some rest as she is with her all day (Baby sleeps from 11 till about 5.30 when she wakes for a feed)..

I offered to take the baby for a day / night to give him a break.

The following day, SIL texts saying can I baby sit so she can go into town for something the following week. The time she needed to go into town coincided with a time I take my 2 year old to a playgroup. I said if she wants to drop the baby round (where she was going is 15 mins away from where I live) and I can take baby with toddler to play group.... she didnt want this, wanted me and my 2 year old to travel to her house, which is an hour away, sit indoors and watch the baby there.. What makes matters worse is their cramped flat is NOT toddler friendly at all and hard work on its own.....

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 07/12/2012 21:17

YABU to think she should deliver her baby so its convenient for you

SIBU to think you will drop everything and babysit on her terms.

So in the great scheme of things, your DBro can just get on with being a father.

5.30 isn't exactly a hardship, most normal people get up between 5 and 6 to get ready for work

katiecubs · 07/12/2012 21:17

Er what no - you are doing her the favour. Get her to bring the baby to you - why does she have a problem doing that anyway?

katiecubs · 07/12/2012 21:19

Holly why is she being unreasonable to think SIL should deliver baby so it's convenient for her??? She is the one doing the favour - it's mad.

PinkFairyDust · 07/12/2012 21:22

does your brother work full time to?
How old is baby?

Most normal people get up between 5.30 and 6 anyway?!

No they don't.

WinklyVersusTheZombies · 07/12/2012 21:24

Every time I've ever babysat, I went to the child's home.

Original poster

oaks2012 · 07/12/2012 21:26

She has a problem taking the baby out anywhere.. She only goes out with my brother (and then insists on a taxi) because she says its too much hard work with the baby alone and on public transport.

He is up at 5.30 looking after baby. Goes to work for 9, finishes at 7, gets any shopping needed on way home and then goes home to cook dinner (and then does the dishes, because she says "i dont do dishes". She occasionally cooks. They get a lot of take aways though.. So he isnt cooking every night.

OP posts:

Original poster

oaks2012 · 07/12/2012 21:28

baby is 3 months

OP posts:

katiecubs · 07/12/2012 21:30

Is she depressed? It doesn't sound very healthy TBH.

ifyouknowme · 07/12/2012 21:30

A 3 month old I think YABU, it's still very little.

Original poster

oaks2012 · 07/12/2012 21:31

Winkly, when I have baby sat in the past, before I had my own child, I went to the childs home.. But I now have my own child to look after! I dont think its fair on him (or me) to be stuck in a flat full of breakables (and clutter) where he can hurt himself, or break their things, in the day when he is used to being out in the park, or playground, or playgroups, or the library, or somewhere else baby friendly!!

OP posts:

RainbowsFriend · 07/12/2012 21:31

Maybe she needs to get a sling as then public transport with a baby is a complete doddle.

personally I think 11pm - 5am sleep would be bliss, and they just need to take it in turns. Tel your DB to man up and tell her to give him a lie in at the weekends.

(DD 18 months still wakes every 2 hours during the night - never slept more than 3 hours in a row)

Original poster

oaks2012 · 07/12/2012 21:32

I see 3 months old at the playgroups I go to every time!!! I think its strange to keep your 3 month old at home. I have hundreds of photos with my DS out in the park at that age, looking at the ducks and trees.. I took him to play groups and anywhere to get a change of scenery, different sounds and fresh air.

OP posts:

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 07/12/2012 21:32

YAB a bit harsh. 3 months is still really early days for some people. Don't think your db's day sounds particularly harsh tbh.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 07/12/2012 21:35

Now you're sounding a bit judgey - just cause you went out loads with your baby doesn't mean she/they have to

RainbowsFriend · 07/12/2012 21:36

I must say though that when DD was 3 months I was still letting DP do most of the cooking (or get take outs) as by dinner time every evening she would be clusterfeeding, and at that time I had not yet got the hang of feeding in the sling hands free...

ifyouknowme · 07/12/2012 21:36

Yes, you took him... not your SIL, it's nerve wracking enough leaving your baby with someone else at 3 months! Give her time to find her feet.

Original poster

oaks2012 · 07/12/2012 21:37

She has a sling!

I think she is a bit lazy to be honest.

The baby is lovely, a really calm happy child.

She is always saying its some elses turn the change the nappy - for me I loved changing my DSs nappy - it was time where I could talk or sing to him. The only time I did find it hard work was at about 9 months when he wanted to escape!!

OP posts:

Original poster

oaks2012 · 07/12/2012 21:38

She has left the baby with lots of people!

OP posts:

lola88 · 07/12/2012 21:39

YANBU if you were childless going to her would be fine but you have a 2YO why should he miss out on his group to suit her. She brings the baby or you can't babysit simple

Original poster

oaks2012 · 07/12/2012 21:40

The problem is not with me taking her to a playgroup, its with her having to bring the baby out alone without my brother to help.

OP posts:

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 07/12/2012 21:41

I think YANBU. If I'm asking somebody to babysit as a favour I deliver dcs to them (unless it's bedtime babysitting where obv they need to be at home).

As for the judginess of her not taking baby out. It can be incredibly overwhelming and just because you found it ok does not mean your SIL does so for that YABU.

WinklyVersusTheZombies · 07/12/2012 21:41

If you went to the child's home in the past when you babysat, why would you think the rules had changed? Yu shouldn't have offered to babysit, you could have offered to have them leave the baby with you some time, which IMO is a different thing.

Could you not take the baby and your toddler out together to the park or library or something?

RainbowsFriend · 07/12/2012 21:42

You've got a point then, but you are being a bit judgy. I am also judging as well as she should be making an effort to get out and about at least, and should not be leaving her baby with all and sundry

FutTheShuckUp · 07/12/2012 21:43

You sound like you are using this as a reason to judge and berate her. That's just not cricket

PurpleCrazyHorse · 07/12/2012 21:44

I see where you're coming from, but I would just butt out and leave them to it. It's up to you DBro to sort it out with his wife, maybe he wants to do all this, maybe he enjoys providing for them in this way.

You offered to babysit but DSIL wanted you to come to her house, that wasn't convenient, so no babysitting. That seems fine to me. I'd continue to offer but just say that you're usually out and about with your toddler but happy to have the baby at your house if they'd like you to.

I wouldn't worry further about it. FWIW DD and I didn't really go out much when she was little as we struggled to BF so I was quite anxious about that. Plus I don't really like small talk so baby groups were pretty stressful too.

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