To keep wondering why the he'll I am getting 'dirty looks'

[Part1]

This sounds pathetic I know but I'm getting a bit worried. I work with a man who gives me a dirty look every time I see him. I'm not sure how to handle this as I haven't done anything wrong. He looks at me like I am shit on his shoe, I have tried ignOring him and have also tried to be friendly but it hasn't changed things. I one IABU worrying about this but it is getting me down.

Maybe he's just got an unfortunate face?

Ask him?

Is he your boss? I'd ignore him, wouldn't waste time being friendly, but if you do try to be friendly and he is rude then perhaps because i can't keep my gob shut even though sometimes it's the best thing to do I might say 'i'm sorry, are you confusing me with somebody else. we've never met, or talked'.

Hmm, is he lovely with others or just you? Have you asked anyone else you work with if they think he has a problem with you?

Otherwise, I'd kill him with kindness, be the cheeriest pollyanna, with regular offer of tea/coffee, biscuits etc and a general air of being super happy. If he has a problem with you, it'll drive him insane that you aren't noticing his rudeness to you.

Maybe he isn't aware he's looking at you like that. Df reckons I do it to him sometimes but its not intentional.

I have someone who does it to me though, I don't know the woman but she lives near me and she doesn't half stare at me, even practically twisting her neck 360 degrees to get a look. Its very strange and I find it uncomfortable.

i do that to people, i look like i was to kill them but am probably thinking about bunny rabbits or something

i have to sometimes make a conscious effort to look happy

There are people who are lovely to selected people. They can be really unsubtle too, being really nice to somebody they know is a friend of yours, effusive to your friend, and then blank you. I would at least 'spread' my friendliness in that situation. But many people don't do that.

Are you sure it isn't just an unfortunate expression? I'm rather short sighted, and apparently I frown horribly when I read students' essays. Since someone told me about it, I try to keep a pleasant expression when reading people's work in front of them!

I worked with an utter prick like that once. I hated him for making me feel so bad, he worked well above me too so felt I couldng really confront him.

Anyway he was leaving and we went for work drinks. After loads of beer I thought sodd it I'll ask him. It ended up in an arguement, I said why the hell are you such an arsehole to me?!

I got "Because I fancied ya didnt I!"

Fucking idiot. He was 40, anyone would think he was 4.

Made my skin crawl.

Thanks for the tips. No he seems normal with everyone else, hasn't got a weird face and is quite good looking and is generally quite friendly to others. There is no way that I am going to ask him why as it is bad enough saying hello. If he was weird or the same with others I wouldn't be bothered.

If you're with someone point at him and whisper something funny (not about him) to your friend then laugh and walk off :-)

Childish I know but he sounds a twonk

I'd try keep being polite to him. I have a colleague who I and another colleague had mentally put down as very rude, but I was polite and friendly to him in a distant way for a couple of years. He is now perfectly polite and friendly back (when I tell you that the other day he saw me in a corridor and said 'hello GrendelsMum, how are you?', and I was quite taken aback by how friendly that was, you'll get some idea of how offish he originally was). I've come to the conclusion that he's very very shy, especially with women, and especially with young women. He's chatty with male colleagues who he's worked with for years, but I think he struggles with anything else.

I think you have to tackle him. I'd do it when someone else that you trust is nearby. Just say, "Have I ever done anything to offend you? You give me such dirty looks and I notice you don't do that to anyone else. Why is that?" And say nothing at all until he tells you.

Maybe he fancies you, like at school boys would shove snow down your neck or try and trip you up etc to get your attention - or maybe they just didn't like me

I would just ask him

I'd call out "Are you ok, you look like you're in pain" every time he does it.

vary it

"ooh, do you have a toothache? That's quite a wince you have"

"Gosh, had bad news?"

"Is everything ok, you don't look very well/happy."

But I'm childish.

The mature thing to do would be to either ignore it and just behave professionally and keep your distance or pull him to one side and say you have noticed that there may be a problem and have you done anything inadvertently to annoy him in some way.

Smile at him and wink next time he does it!

I think that's a good idea. If he is being weird with you it'll unsettle him to think that his opinion of you matters so little to you that it hasn't even come to your notice.

People think I do this. I've often had to explain that it's not personal.

Seems like I've just got a case of chronic bitchface.