AIBU or is she?

[HtotheS]

I had my little girl 15minths ago and in that time my mum has only babysat once!! To be fair I haven't asked her but she hasn't offered either. Just been to London for 3days after friends offered to babysit, again told mum and she didn't offer.

Should I be asking her?? X

Yes of course you should ask her if you want her to babysit.

Ask. Unless your dm is psychic.

You can ask her. But how would you feel if she said no. Better or worse than you do now?

Of course you should ask her! She still might say no - which is entirely her right btw - but if she's not going to offer then you have to ask her.

Well unless your mum has psychic powers how else is she supposed to know you would like her to babysit?

YABU completely.

Because your mother does not HAVE to babysit (would be nice if she did) and how is she meant to know you want her to.

I think if she wanted to babysit she'd have offered. SO you can ask and she might say yes, but it won't be what she'd actually choose to do. Maybe she feels she's done her child-rearing stint at this stage?

So you have dropped hints and she doesnt take you up...sounds like she isnt interested in babysitting to me.

What would she say if you asked her outright?

I didn't realise its a grandmothers job to babysit, and to ask for the privilege.

My dcs are 8 and 10 months, and my mum has never offered to babysit. I asked her this evening if she could so Mr and I could go out next week and she was thrilled and said yes straight away. It may just be that she is waiting to be asked.

Just ask but be prepared for a no and accept that.

My mil offers, I have to ask my mum, just how different people work. Of course there are some that don't, won't or can't thank fuck mine do

My PIL quite often ask to have the dc, they take them if they are going out for the day with SIL and her family and have asked the kids if they would like to have a sleepover soon but my DM needs to be asked. She is more than happy to babysit but I have to mention it.
It's just the difference between them. I'm sure if you asked she would be more than happy to but maybe she wouldn't just volunteer.

YABU if you haven't asked

Why would your mum offer to babysit for three days, when your friends already had it covered?

I have never specifically offered to babysit my niece although would of course do so if asked. Have said generally that I would look after her once or twice but feel that if needed my sister would ask. Surely if you want to go out you ask for babysitters.

I keep asking my DM to take DD (6mo) out for an hour on a Saturday when my DSS's are at their mother's - I'm having about a 30% success rate.

My DPs have never once asked/offered to babysit either of my dds. I know they would always do it if I asked but they don't want to interfere. They assume that if I mention I'm going out/away without the kids then I have arranged childcare for that (usually dp as we rarely go out together :(). I actually think they would be offended if we asked someone else to babysit but they would never, ever mention it.

my mum babysits loads, but when they were little she didn't actually offer. I think it was because she didn't want to interfere.

Just ask. make her feel wanted, and make it clear that you would like her to because she is GP and therefore it is nice for dc and her and you trust her etc etc
you could ask her if she would prefer a couple of hours in the day, or evening and bedtime etc
If she says no, well, she says no.
and 3 days is a long time with a 15 month old.

Maybe your Mum reads MN and is scared of coming across as a baby grabbing granny

Just ask her.

Of course YABU. If you want her to sit for you, why on earth wouldn't you have asked her ?

Ask her if you want her to babysit. Just ask.
Maybe she thinks you'd feel she's interfering if she offered? Maybe as you're her daughter she reckons that you would feel happy to ask her for help?
Ask her to babysit for a couple hours one day, see how it goes.

I have never offered to babysit for my dsd's children. I have done it almost every time she has asked but I don't offer because I don't want to do it. I work full time, have other children and her dc's are hard work.

Ask your mum but accept she might not want to.

DS is the same age and I haven't had any explicit offers of babysitting as such - but he has been babysat by various people, none of whom (including DM!) seemed put out to be asked - quite the contrary! Of course people don't want to seem like they're trying to get rid of you, do they?

I would ask more in the vein "Would you like to look after XYZ sometime? It would be a big help to me and I think she would like to spend some time with you."

I am of the opinion that it isn't a grandparent's job to babysit though so either way I think YABU. Just ask and see if she wants to do it.

My ils always ask to babysit. I have to ask my parents. I find it odd, that my ils want to do it more than my own parents just the offer would be nice.