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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its bloody typical DH has a migraine...

33 replies

IShallCallYouSquishy · 17/11/2012 12:30

When I asked him during the week if he would have DD while I have an afternoon to myself to do Xmas shopping.

Ok, I know he can't help a migraine and they are horrible things to suffer, and I know there are more weekends I can do my shopping, but I was looking forward to it. Waaaah! Where's my toys so I can throw them out the cot?

I honestly never go out without DD for more then 45 mins as she's only just stopped refusing bottles and is back to sleeping well again. I'd written a list and everything Sad

Ok, whinge and whine over. Just wanted to moan.

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 17/11/2012 12:32

I feel for you, it's frustrating when you had things planned but I have to say I am a migraine sufferer and have had chronic migraine in the passed so I also feel for your dhSad

WorraLiberty · 17/11/2012 12:32

That's a shame Sad

I know it's not the same but can you do a bit online?

Original poster
IShallCallYouSquishy · 17/11/2012 12:49

susiedaisy when I see how bad he is I really feel for him, he gets them so bad they make him sick. He's currently still in bastard alright for some bed bless him.

worra it's not the same is it? It was more about the time on my own then the actual shopping I think! Not the end of the world though and he better bloody will hopefully not have one next weekend.

OP posts:
FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda · 17/11/2012 12:52

I have a couple of questions.

You have to ask you husband to look after his daughter?

and

Do you get to skip childminding responsibilities if you have migraine?

ChaoticismyLife · 17/11/2012 12:55

OP is there anyone else you could ask to have your dd for a couple of hours? Migraines can be nasty but I can understand your disappointment at having your little bit of free time snatched away from you.

ditavonteesed · 17/11/2012 12:55

I can only assume you have never had a migraine flamin,
op its a shame I understand it must be disappointing, I do really feel for your poor dh though. does he get them a llot, is he on any meds for it?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 17/11/2012 12:58

dita - not necessarily. I suffer from migraine and I still have to manage with the DCs if it comes on while DH is at work.

OP - YANBU to be upset about it. Can you go tomorrow instead?

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda · 17/11/2012 12:58

I can only assume you have never had a migraine flamin,

Don't assume anything. I've suffered from chronic migraines since I was 19. Still managed to raise my daughter singlehandedly.

Thumbwitch · 17/11/2012 12:58

I understand your frustration. My Dad was a chronic migraine sufferer (until he went on BP medication when they reduced enORMously - although the raised BP was only a recent thing) and he always seemed to get them at the most inconvenient times, often when there was a social thing on. He genuinely had one, he got them for 3d at a time, lying in dark room with cold cloth on his forehead, that kind of thing - but it was VERY frustrating that they kept coinciding with things we all wanted to do.

Does your DH get them very often? If so, why doesn't he have decent preventative medication?

HeathRobinson · 17/11/2012 13:02

Does he get out of looking after his dd a lot?

susiedaisy · 17/11/2012 13:04

thumb it is bp medication that has finally brought mine under control

whois · 17/11/2012 13:06

"I can only assume you have never had a migraine flamin,

Don't assume anything. I've suffered from chronic migraines since I was 19. Still managed to raise my daughter singlehandedly."

But if you didn't HAVE to look after DC while having a migraine then it's preferable not to! If I had a migrane I'd be pissed off if the kids were left with me while DP went Xmas shopping (in November).

Thumbwitch · 17/11/2012 13:11

Interesting Susie - did you have raised BP for long?

susiedaisy · 17/11/2012 13:19

Didn't have raised bp but was given meds anyway as an attempt to stop the migraines and it has significantly reduced them thank god!Smile

ArkadyRose · 17/11/2012 13:22

Thumbwitch Not all migraines respond to preventitive medicine; not everyone can take preventitive medicine - due to other meds they're taking, etc. I couldn't take most of the more effective ones myself because I was on lithium (obviously not now whilst PG), and the ones that I could take just didn't work over half the time. It depends on what's causing the migraines - amd unfortunately 9 times out of 10 there's no obvious apparent cause so you ust have to play medication roulette trying different drugs & combinations, hoping you find one that works and has tolerable side effects that aren't just as bad as the migraines in their own way.

Flamin, not everyone is the same is you. If you managed to cope singlehanded with kids whilst migraines, then bully for you - but you don't get to act morally superior just because not everyone else can do the same. You're not any better than OP's DH - you're just different. That's all.

DowagersHump · 17/11/2012 13:24

Can you go tomorrow instead?

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda · 17/11/2012 13:31

Gosh, so much nastiness just because I find it too convenient that a father who needs to be asked to look after his own child develops a migraine the one time he agrees to do it.

BarbecuedBillygoats · 17/11/2012 13:36

Arkady

I think flamin was trying to point out not everybody has a choice.

Original poster
IShallCallYouSquishy · 17/11/2012 13:37

Eeek, go away for a bit and there's an argument!

DH occasionally suffers but when he does they are horrible. Can't move without feeling sick, can't open his eyes unless very dim room. I honestly wouldn't wish it on anyone. And whilst I'm luckily not to be a sufferer if I was, or ill with anything else there would be no question about him doing majority of childcare for the day. I wild just do feeds, as said before she's been a complete bottle refuser and only just started taking occasional one (that I'd have to express anyway).

I didn't ask his permission, it was more a courtesy saying "I want to pop out for a bit Saturday afternoon so you will have DD on your own if that's ok?" rather then "here's the baby, I'm fucking off for a few hours" As I know I'd be mightily pissed of if he did that! It's a big thing for me leaving her too as I've never really done it before. We usually do things as a family at weekends so never really needed to.

He does not shirk his responsibilities, loves his little girl to bits and is a brilliant dad.

I was just having a moan that it's typical it's the weekend I was hoping to do something.

Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
IShallCallYouSquishy · 17/11/2012 13:39

Oh, and as he's asthmatic he's very limited with medication as most aren't suitable for asthma sufferers and he most certainly didn't "just develop it". I heard and then saw the throwing up. Nice!

OP posts:
ArkadyRose · 17/11/2012 13:39

BarbecuedBillygoats No, I think flamin's follow-up to my comment pretty much makes her opinion quite clear.

Ghostsgowoooh · 17/11/2012 15:15

Flamin I can trump your migraine woes GrinTry bringing up four dc on your own and suffering with migraines. Now that is hell on earth. My 10 year old looked after my 5 year old and my 2 year old for a day last week because there was no one else as I was in a dark room with cold compress, fighting nausea and I just couldnt move, it was horrible.

If I can get someone there I do, their dad was working that day.

I wouldnt wish a migraines on my worst enemy

SweetSeraphim · 17/11/2012 15:31

I'm a migraine sufferer, but I still have to look after my children! All sounds a bit convenient to me, tbh.

Can you go tomorrow instead? After a day in bed, he should be feeling much better Hmm

ditavonteesed · 17/11/2012 15:46

obviously not everyone has a choice, but it is not ideal, I couldnt fake the migraines I have, I cant even move without throwing up from the pain and while I have managed while dh gets home from work I wouldnt be a safe person to be in sole charge of a baby. However your right if I had to I would, howev er iop's dh doesnt have to, I would be so angry if dh went out and left me with the kids while I was in that state, luckily for me my body seems to have developed the abilty to hold on until we are somehwre safe and another adult is there before it goes completely.
however op I stll think you desreve some sympathy if you have been looking forward to a bit of time on your own, do you have any family around that would like to have dd for an hour while you go for a coffe and a wander or something (if you were here Id have her) more people are willing to help than you think, you just have to ask sometimes.

CaliforniaLeaving · 17/11/2012 16:23

Poor guy, I can see why you are a bit miffed at the change in plans, but also that theres nothing he can do about it either.
I'm a migraine sufferer too, but have some great meds so long as I take them when I feel it starting. Even then there are days where I take to the bed and leave Dh to it, if he's not here I pretty much lay on the couch and pray for death while Dd nurses me back to health.
If he gets them fairly often I'd recommend a trip to the doc to see what can be done. No one should have to suffer though this on a regular basis if medication could help.

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