To tell brother mum upset with him?

[Kissingk1979]

My Mum has just told me she is really sad as my brother (who is in his mid-30s) has not been to visit her and my Dad once this year. They both live in the UK (about 100 miles apart) and my parents have made the effort to go and visit my brother a few times during the course of the year.

My brother and his wife have had a busy year as he has changed jobs, they bought a new house earlier in the year and have been on a big holiday. However, I still agree with Mum that it's bad form they haven't been down to see my parents even once in 2012.

My Mum is really not assertive and unlikely to tell my brother how she feels herself.

Our family all get on, there are no feuds or failings out and my parents really like my brother's wife, so I don't think they are avoiding them - I think it's sheer laziness and thoughtlessness on my brother's part.

Should I tell my brother to go and visit my parents, or should I stay out of it?

*fallings out not failings out

Stay out of it , why can't your mother just invite them down for a weekend .

Have they invited him? It may not occur to him otherwise.......... especially if they have been to see him quite a bit!

I think that's perhaps part of the problem - my Mum dorsn't really invite us kids (we are all now adults) to visit she just waits for us to announce we will be visiting. She is the opposite of a pushy mum! I love seeing my Mum so I don't need any encouragement to go and visit myself but maybe she should be more pushy with my brother

I wouldn't but that's me.

I have a younger sister who likes to interfere and tell me I don't see enough of our Mother. I have my reasons for that and resent my Sister's attitude, I tell her to mind her own business.

Do they speak often via the phone or email?

My Inlaws are like that , they expect people to just go to them and then moan when no one does . I think it's a generational thing . However I'd still stay out of it .

I'd tell him.

But then in my family we all phone each other up and tell each other stuff.

Yeah they speak on the phone and email, but mum always has to send a few emails or phone as few times before she gets a response. I think my brother is just rubbish at stuff like that. I haven't seen him since August and we live in the same city.

Stay out of it and I'd say that even if your brother was in the wrong. If your mum wants to see them at her house she should invite them.

My MIL gets upset over things like this and complains to SIL. We've made it clear that we do not feel guilty for being too busy to sit and guess what they want from us. We regularly make plans and invite them to stuff, if they want something different then they can ask directly.

But my brother never invites my parents to visit him either, so they only see each other if my mum asks if they can come up and visit my brother, which normally involves my parents taking my brother and his wife out for dinner to a nice restaurant. I think my brother should return the favour from time to time

Stay out of it. You mum is an adult, if she choose to not say something and/or invite them, that is up to her.

But that's not your decision to make. You mum nerd to deal with this herself.
Its not upto you to tell your dbro how he should act.

Yeah, leave it

Not your problem. Your mum needs to be proactive in issuing invites, not moaning to you, terribly PA. Your db and his wife are obviously happy with current arrangements.

Beak out, easier said than done

I would pull him up on it. I used to have to do this with my brother, he wouldn't contact my mum for months on end even though he only lived 10 minutes away.
Funnily enough now that he has 2 kids under 3 he's all over her like a rash, only when he wants babysitting though. She's well aware of this and i'm sure it hurts her. As the mother of a son i know it would severely piss me off if he behaved like that when he grows up.

If there is no family history that would give him a good reason to avoid your parents, then I would tell him how your mum is feeling. If you are diplomatic, it shouldn't cause a row or any resentment, you are simply telling him that mum misses him and would appreciate him making contact/visiting etc without her having to initiate. I certainly wouldn't object to a sibling telling me such a thing - we talk about family things like that without anyone taking offence.