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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my mum she's a crap grandma?

33 replies

toofattorun · 14/11/2012 18:59

It's my boys 4th birthday today and she hasnt called at all to wish him a happy birthday. We had a party last Saturday, but she should have called today or AIBU?

OP posts:
SmileItsSunny · 14/11/2012 18:59

YABU. Couldn't you have helped your DS to call her?

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 14/11/2012 19:00

What did she do on or around the day of his party?

TidyDancer · 14/11/2012 19:00

This does not a crap grandma make.

Is there history?

Dead69Girl · 14/11/2012 19:02

YANBU, she should ring to say happy birthday,

does she act like a bad grandma in any other way?

littlewhitebag · 14/11/2012 19:03

Would she normally call and speak to him?

Original poster
toofattorun · 14/11/2012 19:06

Why should I call her on her grandsons birthday?

On the day of his party, she was two and a half hours late and only came over when I 'phoned her to ask her if she was going to turn up as I wanted to cut the cake!?

We have recently argued but that doesn't mean that she should take it out on my son.

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 14/11/2012 19:08

He is 4 - he will never know!

ditavonteesed · 14/11/2012 19:08

If you think that is bad grandparenting you should come over to my world.

scarlettsmummy2 · 14/11/2012 19:09

Sounds like my mother in law. I wouldnt waste your breath, some people are just inherently selfish and self focussed.

bangersmashandbeans · 14/11/2012 19:11

Selfish and self-focussed??? Or maybe she just forgot? Hang her from the gallows...none of us have ever done that before have we?

SmileItsSunny · 14/11/2012 19:12

Oh, you shouldn't have to call her on her grandson's birthday, I agree - but if it means that much to you that they speak to each other, you may have to enable it.

I doubt your son will be bothered, tbh. There are worse grandparent sins.

scarlettsmummy2 · 14/11/2012 19:13

She was two and a half hours late for his birthday party! She is self focussed- her needs came before her family's. I just can't imagine any of the good granny's I know doing this.

Anonymumous · 14/11/2012 19:14

My MIL completely forgot about DS1's first birthday and booked a holiday away. He was her only grandchild at the time and she was mortified when she realised what she'd done. Then, four years later, she managed to do exactly the same thing again for DS2's first birthday! But she is besotted with the pair of them - she's a brilliant Grandma and she can't do enough for them. So occasional lapses are fine, forgivable and human - unless there is something else you are not telling us, YABU.

hattymattie · 14/11/2012 19:14

She may have just forgotten - however I have ranted at my DM at how she has not fulfulled her GM role - but years of history there. My MIL however just doesn't do birthdays.

LynetteScavo · 14/11/2012 19:15

Does she do anything in between?

My MIL only has contact on birthdays, Christmas and Easter, (unless we really push for it), even though she only lives a few miles away.

My siblings completely forget birthdays (mine, DH and my DC) but are there in between for us, and would give us their last penny/Rollo.

Telling her she's a crap grandma is not going to improve your relationship.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 14/11/2012 19:17

You sound like hard work.
Phone her yourself if it means so much to your son.

dreamingofsun · 14/11/2012 19:21

i think its quite reasonable to expect a grandmother to celebrate their GS's birthday. Maybe she forget, but if she just can't be bothered thats off.

if its any consulation (which i'm sure it isn't) my mother and brother are no different. though strangely i was berated by my mother, the one time a card didn't turn up for my aunt's birthday due to the PO

butterflyroom · 14/11/2012 19:21

YANBU - she should have called. You do not sound like hard work!!!! Bloody hell, all you want is a phone call for your DS birthday! Don't tell her she's crap, let her know you're disappointed though.

Original poster
toofattorun · 14/11/2012 19:42

I'm not hard work - honest!

I wouldn't actually tell her that she's a crap grandma but the truth is, I am disappointed. She did it last year too.

I think she has forgotten but shouldn't she at least put a note up on the fridge or something? I feel like doing the same on her birthday. You can guarantee she would be pissed off with me.

OP posts:
thebody · 14/11/2012 19:50

Gosh, that's a bit harsh forgetting his birthday.

Not much point in telling her she's crap though as if she's like this then she's like this.

Was she a loving mom?

dreamingofsun · 14/11/2012 19:53

toofat - i intentionally didn't bothe with my brother's this year - i decided that if he couldn't be bothered with any of his nephew's or his BIL, why should i bother with his. we will see if that focusses his mind.

unless she's senile i would be tempted to ignore her birthday. if she says anything just apologise and say you assumed this was the norm since she never sent cards to GS.

just out of interest does she do yours?

Original poster
toofattorun · 14/11/2012 20:09

She was a strict mum growing up.

She just doesn't think. I don't know if that's a good enough reason though.

She does mostly remember mine but I'm not bothered about that.

OP posts:
dreamingofsun · 14/11/2012 20:12

i guess there's 3 options:

GS guilting her into it by sending her birthday cards
ignorning her birthday and hoping she makes more effort
or speaking with her and explaining your disappointment

thebody · 14/11/2012 20:15

Blimey so she occasionally forgets yours?

Can't imagine in a million years forgetting one if my kids birthdays even now 2 are grown up.

It's sad op. I would be tempted to not send her anything and ghen see how conversation develops.

redskyatnight · 14/11/2012 20:15

DS is 8. DD is 6. I am 40. My mum has never rung up to wish any of us happy birthday (ok, she probably said it to me for the 18 years I lived with her). Some people set a huge store by things like this, and others don't. I don't think it insolation it makes her a crap grandma.