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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that ive maxed out my overdraft?

24 replies

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 09/11/2012 12:31

We have a modest lifestyle, modest income and modest bills.

Yet today I met the limit on my overdraft and didnt even realise, shamefully being told.my card had declined whilst christmas present shopping Sad

DM who I was out with just kept saying "welcome to the real world....we are never out of our overdraft" and other such reassuring comments.

I am quite upset. I get paid next friday, and the mortgage came out today, but I will have to scramble round to find some loose change for petrol for work and may open that old tin of beans in the back of the cupboard. But I am so disappointed in myself.

Two.months ago I went back.to work after maternity leave, and we scraped through SMP so I thought we were going to be better off.

Not sure what I wanted from this thread....jist needed to vent, I think.

OP posts:
TooImmatureGhostiesAndGhoulies · 09/11/2012 12:34

I don't think YABU at all. It is very upsetting to suddenly run out of money a week before payday. Especially with the mortifying factor of having your card refused. If more people thought like you then perhaps this country wouldn't be in so much debt.

mutny · 09/11/2012 12:39

Yanbu to be upset. But you spent it the money.
Maybe a modest lifestyle isn't a reality now. Maybe you need (like alot of people) to be more frugal for a while.
You also need to keep a check on your account. I know exactly how much is in mine all the time and when every payment is due.

Yes its boring but its stops this sort of situation.

CaliforniaLeaving · 09/11/2012 16:27

I do the same as mutiny Check and balance and know whats there at all times, we don't have an overdraft so it's essential to keep track.
I go online and do it a couple times a week. I have a paper register where I write in every time I use the ATM so I can make sure the bank and I agree on what we have.
In my younger years I didn't balance the cheques for months on end and got in all sorts of trouble.

VirginiaDare · 09/11/2012 16:28

YABU. How do you not know whether you have money to spend or not?

Fairylea · 09/11/2012 16:31

I know how awful that feels. But you need to go online and check balances everyday. It's the only way !

noisytoys · 09/11/2012 16:53

YANBU I am in the same position and I'm sure there are many more like us

Original poster
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 09/11/2012 16:54

I know. Sad

I need to start doing online banking. we have never gone into our overdraft til the last two months (and ive had a bank account for 12 years) and only got our first credit card in August.

Dh has been asked and said yes to being his best friends best man who now lives in NZ and guess when ticket-buying time fell...smack bang in my Mat Leave. That is what has pushed us so far in. I just didnt think we were at the max

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 09/11/2012 16:57

It usually takes about 6 months to get yourself 'right' again after a maternity leave, so don't beat yourself up too much.

As others have said, check every other day for the next couple of months and try to be ruthless with your budget, don't feel that you can go back to pre-baby levels of spending. If you can try to set a strict budget and aim to be a little each month under what you have coming in so that you'll slowly build up a buffer that will help when you have the occasional big bill.

Your mum's lack of sympthy suggests that you've been raised with a 'spender' not a 'saver' - it's hard to unlearn those bad money habits, but it's now time to decide what sort of spending habits you want to show your DC. The credit crunch board is full of good suggestions that'll help you cut your budget.

DontmindifIdo · 09/11/2012 16:59

oh, just x posts, so you do'nt have your mum's habits, that's great! I would still think about hitting the credit crunch boards, see if you can get yourself back in the black by 6 month mark.

Original poster
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 09/11/2012 17:00

My dad is a spender, to the point where he isnt allowed to carry a credit card bossy wife my dm is so she is used to living in their OD.

I knew we needed to sit down and rejig our finances since dds arrival and planned to do this in January - once dh is back from NZ and a good few months after I went back to work. I will now do this this week!

OP posts:
mutny · 09/11/2012 17:01

With all due respect, you didn't have to say yes to the wedding.

I have had this conversation with my dbro twice. Him and sil have first baby on the way but are always skint. I have given them loads which is fine as I am not having anymore.

But when they moan i remind them that they have been away for x friends birthday or y friends wedding. His response is 'well i can't say no as I have known them 20 years. ' or 'i am best man' etc.

I know his friends and most have got married abroad and are all extremely aware that when getting married abroad some people won't come and they are fine with it.

IMO if someone chooses to get married abroad (no matter who they are) i would not put myself into debt to attend. certainly not push myself to the limit when i have a child. You are in danger of this spiraling into a debt problem.
I know because this happened to me when I was younger, but I was single and no kids.

Going to NZ is not living a 'modest lifestyle' sorry but its not and it would be a shame to miss the wedding. but your have to prioritize.

DontmindifIdo · 09/11/2012 17:02

yes, best do it now, it's embarrassing, esp if you've prided yourself on being better with money than your dad. You know this is a small blip, time to sort it now, better to live very quietly and cheaply for the next few months before the NZ trip than working out how to pay it back afterwards.

Original poster
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 09/11/2012 17:03

We did a great job of saving for our wedding, gave ourselves pocket money and saved a set amount minimum each month so im sure we will not spiral.

The overdraft amount is a couple of hundred over my salary, so its going to take us a few months to get back in the black.

I found it easy to be frugal on Mat Leave as I had the time. I do the moat random shifts so am paying for it by having to online shop rather than go to Aldi and the fuit and veg shops, and saved loads on petrol when on Mat Leave too.

OP posts:
mutny · 09/11/2012 17:04

He went to nz alone and that used your over draft.

A, my dh wouldn't have gone and put us in debt, neither would I.
b, when you are getting into debt for something surely you look at how much debt you have.

Original poster
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 09/11/2012 17:05

Mutny, im not going, just dh. he has found a return flight which is half the cost of most but takes twice as long.

His best friend came over to be BM for him when we married

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 09/11/2012 17:06

If it helps, I found when we on-line shop we spend less because we meal plan and just buy what we need, no wandering around and seeing some "cute t-shirts for DS", or "ooh look, crisps", or "yum, they've got a new type of stuffed pasta, let's give that a go" (but then I have no selfcontrol)

I think 6 months is a reasonable timeframe to get yourself straight.

mutny · 09/11/2012 17:07

Honestly, i get that he is a close friend. but what about money to spend while there and he will be buying drinks, going out etc.

Sorry but thats how debt starts. You are not living within your means. If you did not have an overdraft (i choose not to) what would he have said to his friend?
imagine if overdrafts didn't exsist.

gettingeasier · 09/11/2012 17:12

You are a bit sanctimonious mutny

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/11/2012 17:13

mutny I don't think that is helpful really.

OP - sympathies. We have a pretty good income, but I check balances 2-3 times a week to be sure that we aren't just bleeding cash. Everything costs a lot more than it did a couple of years ago, especially if you add growing children and their expenses into the mix. If you want the same level of lifestyle, whatever that may be, then it isn't feasible to think you can manage on the same money.

mutny · 09/11/2012 17:30

Oh no people don't agree. I am so upset. not really.

it may sound sanctimonious, however that what I had to do to get myself out of the shit.

There is a difference between skint and skint because you have spent it.

Honestly I have missed some big things because clearing my debt came first as I wanted to get married and have a child. Why should I pretend i didn't because you don't like it?
note my first post, I said the op wnbu to be upset. because it is upsetting, but she is not in debt because her dh got made redundant. She is in debt because he has gone on holiday.

Imo there is a difference.

gettingeasier · 09/11/2012 17:41

Actually I do agree with the choices you have made mutny and live my life along similar principles.

I agree on the difference too I just think the OP actually sounds fairly astute and has landed up broke , having never been overdrawn for 12 years, over a one off.

I imagine all of us are feeling it at the moment with the way things are

mutny · 09/11/2012 17:46

I imagine all of us are feeling it at the moment with the way things are

but that's my point. Had they not used the whole over draft (although it seems unclear whether it is the whole overdraft or they have been spending elsewhere) on flights to NZ, they would be in a better position. Certainly, had the OP actually known how much debt this had caused would be helpful.

Or at least checked her bank before she went Christmas shopping.

Nothing here indicates the 'its the times we live in'. I am not being high and mighty I am being genuine. Sometimes we have to say no to things or deal with the consequences. That's whats happening, the consequences.

to avoid being in this position again the OP needs to have a plan.

AlwaysReadyForABlether · 09/11/2012 18:03

It is upsetting when you've tried to be careful and it hasn't worked out. It's bound to take some adjustment after being on maternity leave and having a DC to take into account.
Online banking is the way to go. I always check my balance before I go shopping and mentally add things up as I go along so I know I haven't spent too much. But that has come from some hard lessons when I would regularly overspend and got myself into debt.

Whoknowswhocares · 09/11/2012 18:49

I agree with mutny. The terms 'careful' with money and 'modest lifestyle' do not really tally with an expensive trip to the other side of the world!
Think of it as a wake up call. Yes it's embarrassing and upsetting but you have clearly taken your eye off the ball and now have the dubious pleasure of going without to get back on track. Make sure it's a one time thing (assuming oh cant reassess his desire to go to NZ. His priority should be his family, not a knees up with a mate on a holiday)

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