To wonder why having a bed is a cp issue?

[BrittaPerry]

I keep reading that one of the main things checked when ss visit is if the child has a bed and what state it is in.

Would they be upset if the child shared a bed with a sibling or the parents, or had a mattress on the floor?

(My two have their own beds, but both regularly sleep in my or each others beds - it isn't a huge leap to imagine this happening so much that someone wouldn't bother with wasting the space for another bed. Me n my sister shared a bed when we were under 5 in the late 80s, because my mum was worried I would hurt her climbing into her cot every night for a cuddle and we turned out fine.) (we are also thinking of getting that Ikea bed where the bottom mattress is on the floor to reduce the possibility of the kids hurting themselves falling out of the top bunk) (we have just started HE and I have a history of mental health problems that have led to a surprise SS visit in the past, so there is the slight possibility of the wrong end of the stick being got)

I think it's the idea that they have their own bed available to sleep in that's the issue, AFAIK. A bed that is clean and dry, with sheets on it.

One of my children really hates to sleep alone and will get in with their sibling or me most nights, but they have their own bed too.

I don't think SS would be bothered at all that the children shares their bed out of choice, but having their own place to sleep is part of recognising them as an individual in their own right, IMHO.

A mattress on the floor may well be a good option if they tend to fall out/hate bed rails, as long as it has cleanish bedding on it.

Just pondering, of course.

When ss visited my house, they put on the report that my DC didn't have beds. They did, but they'd pulled the mattresses off to make a trampoline.

To me it was obvious that they did have somewhere to sleep, it just took 5 mins to put the mattresses back

Haha, I went a bit ott with the brackets there...

I bloody hope they would take it into account if a child only had a mattress on the floor (unless valid reason like bed broke and new one being delivered/just moved haven't had chance to put beds up).

When I was 4 and under, I was being physically and emotionally abused by my 'mother' and her friend. My 'bed' was a scabby mattress on the floor with a sheet over. My 'mothers' friend's DD who shared my room had a proper bed in the corner and got fed proper meals whilst I had dry bread and water, when I was fed.

They should be looking out for signs like this as it is a sign that a child is not being cared for properly.

perhaps I take it too literally, but the 'own bed'? I take that to mean 'own space' as opposed to sleeping in the bath/dog kennel/shed.

WRT the bed you are thinking of getting, I think they would realise that this is the design of the bed and not a lack of bed itself, right?

Also if a child is climbing in with someone else, thats not the same as not having a bed provided for them. What if they decided that they did want to sleep on their own but couldn't because there was no bed for them?

I had a bit of a panic about this as mine have two singles pushed together to make a double. Dd's room does not have a bed and never has. I was really surprised this would be seen as an issue, then I gota bit of a grip. Large, clean bed with young siblings sharing is probably fine. Smaller, less clean bed with teens sharing - probably also fine but may be an indicator of neglect or abuse, to be put into wider context. Less about the bed and more about responding to their needs iyswim.
Apart from anything else, I doubt ss have the resources to worry about children whose biggest worry is having to compromise on which duvet cover is going on this week :o

Some people may choose to spend their money on a decent mattress and do away with a bed frame on grouinds of affordabily. It wouldnt just be a bed they looked at - I can hardly see the SS whipping away a child from a perfectly clean set of bed linen on the grounds that the mattress was on the floor..

I know of families where they just have a huge mattress on the floor for everyone. It is not common but not shocking in the breastfeeding/cosleeping/babywearing/home educating types of families. Evn if a child technically had a bed, if it wasn't used it would likely be covered in toys, clothes etc.

In fact, I have a friend ith a child who will only sleep on the futon (set up as a sofa) in her room and shuns the top bunk where she is meant to sleep. Friend was considering turning the top bunk into a playhouse...should I advise her against it!

So how would they take my house? - DD 16 months wont sleep alone (never has - just cried) so we dismantled the bedframe and put the Kingsize mattress on the floor with another single bed mattress alongside so there is room for DP, me and DD with room to spare!

I think its part of the bigger picture of them having space and somewhere safe, comfy and clean to retreat to and sleep.

Its not just about bed or no bed. But if a child has a dirty old matress on the floor in the corner of a room then that would probably start alarm bells ringing.

i had ss around a year or so ago. the sw told me that they HAD to check that the beds had bedding on etc. she said i would be amazed at how many children didn't have appropriate bedding .
it is a mandatory part of the visit, and the sw looked embarassed at asking, but we both knew that she had to.
(and yes, of course there were no issues AT ALL with the dc's rooms.)

At what age do they need their own bed? My friend cosleeps with her 18mo and as this is what she always intended to do, has not bothered to buy a cot. She will buy a bed when her ds wants his own. Would this be a ss issue?

Lol BritaPerry - we're breastfeeding/cosleeping/babywearing but DEFINITELY not into HE - I'm a teacher myself - and am back at work and not at all hippy - just had a baby that would not stop crying/would not sleep unless we did these things!
:)

Evn if a child technically had a bed, if it wasn't used it would likely be covered in toys, clothes etc.

To me, that's a whole issue in itself - why would clothes be on the bed, not in the wardrobe/drawers?

I've worked with SS in the past, and bed sharing isn't an issue unless there is suspicions of sexual abuse. The main thing is that the beds have sheets, sufficent covers and are clean and dry, and that if you are co-sleeping, that the Dc's are provided with the option to sleep in their own bed.

we have never had a cot since ds2 was born and they just slept in with us till about 3yrs of age, we did at some point get a toddler bed that is at the end of our bed, but its never used other than to store clean laundry, numerous hv and midwives have seen this and its not been an issue. ditto when ss where involved after i was hospitalised with pnp with ds4 the lack of a cot or a bed for him was never mentioned and they did look around the bedrooms and saw that he slept in our bed.

Ds1 his own bed, but ds2 still les with us. He's 2.5 and will have his own bed when he's ready or one. I would hope that if Ss were to isit us they would use thei common sense.

Yes, like some posters have said, it's about context. If a child doesn't have a bed, or all they have is a urine soaked mattress with no bedding, it's an indicator that one of their key needs isn't being met. How can the child possibly thrive in a household where providing a warm and safe place to sleep isn't seen as an absolute necessity?

kinky why would clothes be on the bed and not in drawers etc, cos i do loads of laundry (with 5 kids) and i bloody hate putting it away so it gets dumped on the bed until i can be arsed to put it away.

Most of the clothes in my house are in piles in washing baskets...we are just too busy doing fun stuff/too lazy to put them away. They are still clean and in good condition. If we do iron, it is just before we put them on.

Soft toys are technically meant to be in a hammock, just lije lego is tecnically meant to be in the trofast. Desn't mean it woukd be at a randomly selected time when someone decided to come and look at us...

I have worked for SS in the past and the type of scenario that would cause alarm includes

-dirty/stained/urine-soaked/stinking mattress with no sheets

• dirty/stained duvet with no cover (and we're talking duvets that are filthy because they have obviously never/rarely had a cover on)
• an obvious lack of space for a child should they wish to sleep on their own
• age-inappropriate bedsharing
• not enough bed space eg. 3 children , 1 single bed (if theres no co-sleeping)

I'm a social worker and if I visited and found children sharing a bed, it wouldn't necessarily be an issue: I would need to look at the context and why it was the case, ensure the children were happy about it etc. The point that there are individual beds for each person if they want them is important, and I would possibly look into why children were so keen to share, but I used to bunk in with my sis sometimes when little so understand it from the fun point of view. Agree that clean and comfortable is also important. The main thing is that you can show you are able to consider and meet each child's needs separately, and make changes if needed.