husband staying elsewhere with stepchildren

[shawl20]

Help, i need advice, my husband and i live together with my daughter who treats him like her real dad, he has 4 children with his previous partner, they are from 4-12 years old, his children have told him that they don't like me and will only continue contact away from the house, they said they will see him for the day only but he wants overnight sothen they have to sleep elsewhere, his solution is to do just this, is it right

Agreed NADM, my 4 year old has taken to calling me 'wicked' every time I tell him off.

Would you invite someone you even feel 'meh' towards over every weekend let alone someone you actually disliked?

Yep, regularly - my Mum's DP. They've been together since I was 18 and I've never taken to him. No reason, he's just not my cup of tea. But he makes my Mum happy and I love her so he's always been welcome here/ to my 18th birthday/ my DD's christening etc.

My parenting choices aren't made on whether they will like me or not, for the most part. However I know 1st hand how damaging a situation like forcing a child to spend time with someone they dislike for extended periods of time is. I would never choose to do that to my children.

Oh god, and don't get me started on DH's friends and family!!! Actually, they are mostly lovely - but I am about the odd person. Still, I don't have to love everyone I come in to contact with. It's called tolerance. And it means a lot to DH that I accept people. The only person i have commented negatively about is the mohte rof his best friend who is a racist. I told her to her face that i didn't appreciate her views and I told him she wasn;t welcome here again.

On the reverse, his ex seems to take dislike to pretty much everyone whom he or her DD like or want to spend time with. It must actually be quite shitty to carry around dislike for all those people. If I lived my life like that, I'd be damned sure to make sure I didn't pass on that quirk to my child.

Missymoo, I am assuming that, whoever it was you were forced to spend time with who you didn't like, that you had good reason not to?

It does seem that you are projecting your own situation on here, and hence assuming that the children have good reason not to like the OP. There is a HUGE difference between spending time with someone you haven't particularly taken to, as opposed to someone who has treated you badly/unfairly/cruelly. I am assuming that the adult you refer to from your past was in the latter category? You are assuming the same scenario applies to the OP and her step children, whereas, based on this thread, there is no reason to suspect this is the case.

That is a fair point allnew and I probably am overthinking my own situation a bit .

I do think the best course of action would be to let this continue for now and slowly introduce the OP into their lives. It all seems a bit rushed to me and that obviously hasn't worked. Their feelings are valid and shouldn't be ignored.

I would always listen to my children if they said they didnt like a person, of course l would. Same when l had my own small company and employed people.

What l wouldnt tolerate either from my children or from people l employed was a dislike for someone with no good reason or for any unfair predjudice e.g. they have a big nose, they are fat, have acne, follow a certain religion or whatever.

I certainly wouldnt enable or condone any such unjust or unexplained 'dislike' by promising either my child or employee that they would never have to see or work with that person again.

They would have to come up with better than that - and in the meantime until they did l would insist they were at the very least civil to that person.