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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I report this?

38 replies

TwoLeftTrenchFeet · 29/10/2012 15:02

I overheard a mum saying that she locks her son in a cupboard if he is naughty. He is 3. Should i tell someone official? How much 'trouble' will she get into? Obviously i am trying to keep this as vague as possible

OP posts:
Frontpaw · 29/10/2012 15:03

Is it a joke?

EleanorBloodBathsket · 29/10/2012 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana · 29/10/2012 15:05

Was she serious? Parents lock their children in bedrooms if they're having a tantrum and while it's not the best way to deal with behaviour, it might be better than the parent losing it and hitting. A cupboard though is a different thing - could be small and really dark.

There has to be more context to decide really.

BonaDea · 29/10/2012 15:06

Does the child have a lightening bolt shaped scar on his forehead and is he called Harry?

Original poster
TwoLeftTrenchFeet · 29/10/2012 15:10

I wish i was joking. And yes she was serious. It was during a conversation about managing tantrums etc. I understand it's not the worst thing she could be doing but it doesn't feel right.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 29/10/2012 15:12

Could you give more context? Was she saying it in terms of "I think this is a good solution" or "I get to the end of my tether and I'm pushed to this"? The reason I ask is that she is either sadistic and cruel or struggling, and it's hard to tell from one comment.

naturalbaby · 29/10/2012 15:13

If you believe the child is at risk then that is the deciding factor.

VinegarTits · 29/10/2012 15:16

did you hear part of a conversation? or were you part of this conversation? i.e she actually told you she does this and was serious? you need to ahev all your facts straight before you go reporting anyone

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 29/10/2012 15:18

I call DS2s cot "the cage" to DS1, as he cant climb out of it, ie:
"If you wont be good while I have a shower, I'll put you in the cage"

Original poster
TwoLeftTrenchFeet · 29/10/2012 15:18

It was totally matter of fact as if it is a reasonable course of action. The others were talking about naughty step/time out strategies vs tantrums etc and she said that's what she does, no one else commented on it.

OP posts:
Loobylou222 · 29/10/2012 15:19

I don't think you can report someone just because you over heard something, you don't have any proof, you could possibly end up turning this family upside down for no reason. Do you not like this woman very much as it sounds a bit like you are clutching at straws.

whatthewhatthebleep · 29/10/2012 15:19

would a person just stand there in public and tell anyone that they do this to their small child though?
surely if this is for real with this person then there are serious worries about MH and what else might be happening with this person???...nobody who was sound minded would say this seriously and think it was alright Shock

are you sure this was seriously meant or is it possible it was deap- pan dry wit but you didn't really get it because you were evesdropping a convo and have picked it up wrongly...I'd like to believe it is misconception and not really happening...
difficult one...

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 29/10/2012 15:19

To my neighbours walking past with the windows open, that must sound no different to your OP Blush

aufaniae · 29/10/2012 15:25

Can you talk to her about it?

aufaniae · 29/10/2012 15:26

BonaDea how is that helpful?

bigsnugglebunny · 29/10/2012 15:27

I threaten mine with the wheelie bin if they're especially naughty!

The "cupboard" could be a big roomy one, you don't know the exact circumstances - or do you know what sort of cupboard it is?

I used to play in the cupboard under the stairs as a child, I made a den in there!

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 29/10/2012 15:28

Big me and my sister (who shared a room) both made dens in the bottom of our wardrobes Grin

VinegarTits · 29/10/2012 15:29

its sounds like it was a deap pan comment, which is probably why the others didnt comment or look shocked

do you know this woman well? why were you evesdropping?

GhostofMammaTJ · 29/10/2012 15:29

Oh dear, my DD1 used to put herself in the cupboard when she had a full on funny tanrum that I could not stop laughing at.

I sometimes ask my DC in public what I do with them when they are naughty and they say 'lock me in the cupboard under the stairs'. I wouldn't mind being reported for this as if SS investigated they would find we have no cupboard under the stairs.

Original poster
TwoLeftTrenchFeet · 29/10/2012 15:30

I don't know her well enough to not like her. I'm not being malicious. I'm concerned about her son. How on earth would i have that conversation aufanie? AIBU probably wasn't the right place for this but i don't know which topic child protection fits in best.

OP posts:
ObiWan · 29/10/2012 15:30

If what you overheard is all that you know of the family, you'd be insane to consider reporting it.

My son tells people he sleeps in the cupboard under the stairs, complete with convincing details about watching the numbers change on the electricity and gas meters. Harry fucking Potter.

Actually, I've probably had conversations similar to the one you were eavesdropping on, but my friends all know that my humour is as dry as ash (a trait obviously inherited by my son).

Shovelnotspade · 29/10/2012 15:30

I laughed at BonaDea.

Have you had some difficult post?

ZombTEE · 29/10/2012 15:32

If you are truly concerned, call SS and discuss with them.

You obviously aren't sure or you wouldn't post about it on MN, you'd do something about it.

And who says every post has to be helpful?

SpookySparkle · 29/10/2012 15:38

I often tell my sister or sister in law that when I baby sit if their kids are naughty they are going in the kitchen cupboard.

When they were little I used to say I would stick pins in them to wake them up.

I'd be mortified if someone reported us, because I obviously would never do it, it's just the way we joke!!

whatthewhatthebleep · 29/10/2012 15:40

lots of people say stuff like this deliberately for the shock factor...for laffs!!...it can sound plausible and maybe leave you wondering if they were serious...

You should ask her what sort of circumstances does she find herself using the locking up in cupboard action most effective with...see what response you get.....or next time you're standing chatting say 'oh, btw, I tried the locking in cupboard idea you use for your DC the other day...it didn't help though so I wondered if I'm doing it wrong....any tips???'

See the shocked faces with this one Grin....or maybe she will explain how she does it Shock!!!