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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy DSS a new Xbox 360?

30 replies

BeauNeidel · 29/10/2012 13:56

I really don't feel like IABU but I feel I need some impartial input.

DSS wants an Xbox for Xmas. For his mum's house, not ours, because his is old and sometimes cuts out. We have one already. AIBU to not want to spend £150+ on something that is intended to not stay in our house?

We have 3 other children as well, we all use our Xbox. We will probably need a new one soon as ours is also old. BTW, we had ours sorted out by Xbox about 3 years ago now - it could easily be done with his 'own' one but his mum 'doesn't think it is worth it'.

So tell me, is it unreasonable to not want to get this for him? (BTW, I happen to think this is an excessive present for any child if it is just 'for them' and would refuse my other children if they just wanted one for themselves - unless they were much older and we were much much richer!)

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 29/10/2012 14:04

how often is he at yours?

Floralnomad · 29/10/2012 14:05

YANBU if it is more than you would usually spend on him for Xmas . If its what he wants could you not just give him money towards it for Xmas and a token gift , then his mum could perhaps do the same . If however you do normally spend that amount then I think you should get him what he wants and where he keeps it is irrelevant as it is a gift for him .

missymoomoomee · 29/10/2012 14:06

If its only because you don't want it at his Mums house then YABU. If its his present then he can keep it where he wants.

If its because you don't spend £150 on your dc at xmas then YANBU.

cantspel · 29/10/2012 14:06

I am confused are you saying it will cost more than you spend per child or you dont want him to have a new one as you dont have a new one in your home?

If it is that it is more than your budget can you not offer him the amount you would spend in cash so he can put it towards his savings to buy himself one.

freddiefrog · 29/10/2012 14:07

Could you give him money to put towards a new one? Are other relatives likely to give him Christmas money so he's likely to have enough to buy one himself?

To me, something like an Xbox would be a joint present for all the kids to use

ZombieArmsDragOnTheFloor · 29/10/2012 14:07

Well, you have no say where he can use his gift.

XH bought "DS1" an Xbox last Christmas. It has to stay at his house. Result? I had to buy him one for here because otherwise he gets to play on it once a fortnight. FFS.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2012 14:07

Yanbu if you don't want to buy it because you think it's excessive

Yabu if you don't want to buy it because he wants to keep it at his Mum's house

valiumredhead · 29/10/2012 14:09

I think it's a bit shit to dictate where he can play with his gift. It's not his fault he has 2 homes, is it?

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2012 14:10

And it's only 'his Mum's house' to you

To him it's his home

valiumredhead · 29/10/2012 14:11

What worra said

Pincushion2 · 29/10/2012 14:14

'An excessive present for any child if it is just for them'...

So how about if a child is an only one?! Should they just never get an X-Box or equal value amount pressie? For that YABU.

Floralnomad · 29/10/2012 14:14

Well said worra

Lilyloo · 29/10/2012 14:17

It comes down to whether you spend £150 on each child or not, it's not his fault that he has two homes or that there is only him at his other house.
If that is the amount you spend then it is a gift for him to use where he wants surely.

BonVoyageCharlieBrown · 29/10/2012 14:17

I think that if its more than you'd spend on each child then YANBU but could give him money towards a new one.

But this doesn't appear to be the issue, you cannot dictate where the poor boy keeps his christmas present.

It makes you sound a bit nasty to be honest

Mrsjay · 29/10/2012 14:18

I was going to say what worra did it is his house too not his mums house, if you don't want tog et it because it is too expensive for 1 present for 1 child then YANBU if it is because he would take it home to his house then YABU,

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/10/2012 14:24

one of my kids dads does this,its plain nasty to treat a childs property like your own property,and thats exactly what not leting them take stuff home is.

however if its because you wouldnt spend that sum on your own children when they are the same age as he is then thats different.

ratbagcatbag · 29/10/2012 14:36

Going against the grain here, but I think yanbu, portable presents are fine to go between houses and my DSS regularly takes his scooter, bike, psp between both houses and I'm happy for that, but I'd not let him take an Xbox any more than his mum would want him to bring his ps3 to ours and leave it there. If he wants one then the best option is give him some money towards it and get him a present that he will enjoy too :)

Original poster
BeauNeidel · 29/10/2012 14:37

Thanks for all the input. I am guessing at the amount it costs tbh, ours is old and cost about £300 but I think they're cheaper now. Even £150 is a lot more than we would spend on the other children - although we'd spend more on him anyway as he is 11 and our others are 4 and 1.

Feel a bit Sad that you all think we are so nasty now. He takes everything else we have ever bought him (well, most, probably bit of an exagerration if I'm honest) when he goes home of a weekend. We both still think the amount is excessive tbh but I think we'll ask him further at the weekend. Money towards it might be good.

I can see all your points and it does seem a bit shit to say he can't have his stuff where he wants, but from a family point of view it also seems a bit shit that if ours breaks down to the point of no repair and we can't afford a new one then the others (we use it as a DVD player as well) will have to do without until we can afford another one.

We'd also like to get him something 'new' but I recognise that as totally stupid - he won't appreciate it less if it's a replacement for something broken!

Thanks all.

OP posts:
DinosaursOnASpaceship · 29/10/2012 14:48

I think it depends on how long he spends in each home.

My older boys spend 50% of their time with me and 50% at their dads so if I was to buy an xbox then I wouldn't be over the moon if it was kept at their dads as there would be no extra benefit to it being there, if they spent most of their time there that might be different.

They don't really bring toys of any value from house to house though. ExH and I have an unofficial arrangement where I bought ds2 a 3ds last year and he bought ds1 the same so there is a console at each house and the boys tend to share at which ever home they're at.

ExH has the boys for more time over Christmas than I do (because due to his shifts he often misses birthdays and assemblies etc) and the boys get two Christmas days which they love. They don't take their presents from here (if we've done Christmas day on the 24th) to their dads unless it's something they desperately want to take because often exH has got them something similar, and it takes a bit of the shine off for his Christmas day if they are preoccupied with new toys already.

To be fair though they never really ask.

DinosaursOnASpaceship · 29/10/2012 14:49

I don't think yabu, it's not that simple.

Jules666 · 29/10/2012 15:43

Couldn't you buy him a new one for your house and let him have your old one for his home?

ZombieArmsDragOnTheFloor · 29/10/2012 15:51

Couldn't you buy him a new one for your house

That's not a present for him is it?!

MistressIggi · 29/10/2012 16:29

An 11 year old "needs" an xbox far more than your 1 or 4 year old though. And as for a dvd player, buy one for about a tenner (20 at most) on Amazon or Asda. What costs more than the console (when you add it up) are all the ruddy games!

Chattymummyhere · 29/10/2012 16:39

YANBU... On the fact that its more than you would spend anyway... No one needs an Xbox and surely if the one at his mums is broken she should buy the new one? Just as if the Xbox at your house broke you would replace it? Maybe a phone call to the BM to say go half's on it?

I agree it would be a bad move to buy one and say it must stay at yours, we have this issue with a family member buying my children presents then saying they must stay at their house.

The idea of getting your house a new one and giving him the old would sounds workable though as well.

LineRunner · 29/10/2012 16:58

Well, don't, then.