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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is really disrespectful?

25 replies

woopdiedoo · 28/10/2012 11:41

DP went out last night for the annual end of season cricket do. This morning he has been tagged in photos where he is hugging a group of women looking very drunk. Although he's not 'doing' anything I feel like it is a suggestive photo but don't know if I'm reading too much into it?

I'm not happy about and have said as much to DP so he has stormed out leaving me with the DCs AGAIN. Plus I've got a very heavy flu like cold and feel like crap already.

Have I just started a pointless argument or would pictures like that upset you too?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/10/2012 11:44

He's not doing anything. Sorry, I don't see the problem.

I have been held by other men. It was a grief scenario but if someone had taken photos, it might have appeared differently.

But well, I'm married and nothing happened.

I don't find this disrespectful, tbh.

julieann42 · 28/10/2012 11:45

I suppose it depends on wether you feel you can trust him or not! I wouldn't get upset as I trust my husband. Maybe you are feeling a little fragile as your not well.

Sirzy · 28/10/2012 11:47

Do you trust him?

Unless there are already underlying trust issues then I would say you probably over reacted

PickledFanjoCat · 28/10/2012 11:47

I wouldn't have a problem with it....

Unless you have cause for not trusting him
It sounds harmless....

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 28/10/2012 11:49

I don't find it disrespectful auth do know where you are coming from. I had a look inward and realised I was just a bit jealous because I wasn't out dressed up looking good and having fun. Could this be the case?could you be feeling left out?

Then I think of when I am out with my male friends and think if DP saw me in pics with them, I'd be cross if he made a big deal about it

Sparklingbroomstick · 28/10/2012 11:49

I blame Facebook. Angry This would never have happened in the olden days.

When he storms back in have a chat and put it behind you.

Birdsgottafly · 28/10/2012 11:50

If there were pictures of him hugging one woman in particular, you might have a point.

Group hugs are the norm on my nights out, we are all with partners, so are kiss on the cheeks when we are saying goodbye.

I don't think that there is a problem.

I would be upset if i had to be stand-offish because of my DP.

Do you not get to go out in a group and have a laugh?

MrsKeithRichards · 28/10/2012 11:51

Yabu, a bit but he's acting shitty too by storming out.

TidyDancer · 28/10/2012 11:55

Yes, sorry, pointless argument just about sums it up.

When he comes back, apologise to him for being silly and put it behind you.

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 28/10/2012 11:55

Yes, I guess there must be trust issues for me to feel like this. The photo is a big group of women together and he's come behind them and put his arms round them all as if to say 'they are mine'. And I can see from his expression he is drunk and leery. That is how it looks anyway. Also, the woman who posted it doesn't like me very much so thought maybe she'd done it on purpose .

I just can't help but think if it was a pic of me and a group of men he wouldn't like it so feels a bit disrespectful? But I am ill and tired and the DC have been ill this week too.

OP posts:
Original poster
woopdiedoo · 28/10/2012 11:58

Sorry, xposts. Very good point, no I don't get to go out very often at all so don't get to dress up and look nice. He never asked me to go with him either so I thought that was because it was a men only thing but turns out it wasn't Sad. Now I feel upset that he didn't want me there even though I would have been too ill to go.

OP posts:
Sparklingbroomstick · 28/10/2012 11:58

I know what you mean woopie. Sounds like a drunk and leery bloke though-they do that. And it may be that the woman who posted it wanted to wind you up.

So you need to think about how long you want this to bother you for. x

beancurd · 28/10/2012 11:59

arms round friends no problem, hugging other drunken strangers would make me more unhappy. have no tolerance for drunken group love fakebook posturing and dh wouldnt want to pose with strangers. he is not 13 and doesnt need to prove he could pull if he wanted to. nor would he walk off when i am ill leaving me with the children, i think your dh sounds like a teenager.

i would ask him to return now, get back to bed where you belong and hope he can sort children, shopping, tea whatever needs doing.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 28/10/2012 12:03

Hugging randoms when out? Meh. Happens all the time. I'd be more worried about photos of him with one other woman.

Leaving you alone with DC 'again' sounds like more of a problem. How much free time has he had this weekend? How much have you had?

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 28/10/2012 12:05

Yes, stroppy teenager just about sums him up today nicely. No point asking him to come back now, he will probably sulk all day. We are off out later to a birthday party so I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it Wink.

OP posts:
PickledFanjoCat · 28/10/2012 12:05

Well he has had his jollies and you should be tucked up in bed of your ill, that's for sure.

Get him back and have a sleep.

FishfingersAreOK · 28/10/2012 12:08

Maybe the woman posted it because she always looks awful in photos (red-eye/duff hair/smeared makeup) and this is a phot of herself she actually likes. The fact your DH is "acting" a pose behind them is possibly irrelevant to her.

Or it may not be.
You will never know. Forget it.

And he is "posing". For the camera. Forget it. Give yourself a bit of sofa time, apologise to him for over-reacting.

Maybe worth having a discussion with him though about the storming out. That is not on.

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 28/10/2012 12:09

Well I was meant to go and see friends Friday but was too ill to go. He had last night prearranged do that was fine but he buggered off several times during the day without any warning so I've more or less has the kids alone. Plus he works away some of the week and the DC all had D&V so it's been a crappy week all in. But this is a common theme with us. I very very rarely go out and he gets much more free time to himself. I sense the worm is about to turn though as once I fully wean youngest I will be making up for list time Wink.

OP posts:
Original poster
woopdiedoo · 28/10/2012 12:13

Thank you everybody for replying. I feel loads better that I've read too much into it although it means I will have to apologise which doesn't happen often since I am rarely wrong Grin.

Will also discuss the storming off as I agree that isn't on either. Although I suspect he didn't need much of a reason as he's hungover and prob wanted to get away.

OP posts:
PickledFanjoCat · 28/10/2012 12:14

Well you could say having pissed photos on fb is a bit childish & teenager ish but on the other hand you have decided to let it go, and he'd better be nice all day. Grin

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 28/10/2012 12:15

With regard to the woman who doesn't like me, that's a good point about it maybe being a nice photo. She did put a comment on it which had the suggestion of 'here he goes again, we all know what he's like'.

OP posts:
Original poster
woopdiedoo · 28/10/2012 12:16

Yes pickled, very much agree. I know he can't help when people post photos of him but I've had words about this kind of thing before. I don't think he should be getting do drunk and humiliating himself and putting himself in that position in the first place.

OP posts:
socharlotte · 28/10/2012 12:24

OP-I know where you are coming from.

ENormaSnob · 28/10/2012 12:43

The comment would piss me off tbh.

Sounds like your dh is known for being sleazy.

ToManyDicksOnTheDancefloor · 28/10/2012 13:21

I don't think you should appologise, what a childish arsehole he sounds. I'd be fuming about him storming out and leaving you when you're ill. I'd be having serious words with him.

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