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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Confrontation

29 replies

Flumpyflumps · 22/10/2012 19:30

What do I do about my neighbours? They have been doing up their house around work and at weekends.
I've listened to the hammering sanding masonry drilling etc since February.
4 times I've asked not to do noisy work around 7 as I'm doing bedtime (nicely).
He's chiseling tiles off the bathroom and is hammering something, it's on the other side of te wall to DD bedroom and she can't get to sleep (again).
Do I go round there and get really cross or ask politely again if they can please keep it down?
I don't really do confrontation but I'm riled.

OP posts:
Casperthefriendlyspook · 22/10/2012 20:09

Can you move her rooms? I think it's perfectly reasonable to be doing DIY at 7pm. I don't get home from work until 7pm. Maybe they're the same?

IvorHughJackolantern · 22/10/2012 20:11

It's not reasonable when they've been told the reason why it's a PITA, they'd presumably agreed to stop then, it's been going on since February and it is the wall adjoining a child's bedroom.

Go round again. Whether or not you do it politely is up to your own self control. I'd be tempted to have a good yell.

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 22/10/2012 20:13

Afraid I can't move her. It's less the actual DIY and more the fact that I have asked them to keep it down around bedtime, they say yes of course no problem, then they start drilling again a week later.
If they had just said what their loud work plans were to begin with I could have worked around it, but they said yes of course we will be quiet.

OP posts:
Portofino · 22/10/2012 20:14

No - it is NOT reasonable if they have been told. Our wm/tumble dryer is upstairs and we would never dream of putting it on after 7pm as they have 3 young children.

Everlong · 22/10/2012 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kinkyfuckery · 22/10/2012 20:14

Unfortunately, whilst it's irritating and disturbing for your family, there's nothing you can do about DIY at 7pm. If you've already asked and they've ignored, I don't know what else could be done?

GhostofMammaTJ · 22/10/2012 20:14

I would ask nicely the first time, then ask a bit more firmly if they did not stop, then be downright cross the next time I had to go round in the same night.

It is not reasonable at 7 pm, whatever the circumstances, to be making noises that keep a young child awake when they should be sleeping.

larks35 · 22/10/2012 20:17

I would speak to them again about the need for quiet around bedtime. Probably not worth being confrontational as it won't help the situation. WRT the other times, I feel your pain (literally as our neighbours seem to lurch from one DIY disaster project, to another!) but it is just a fact of life when you live in close quarters to others. (Dreaming of a detached house in the middle of nowhere!!). At least they aren't having bangin' house parties every weekend!

Groovee · 22/10/2012 20:18

My neighbour did nothing all day and would start at 7.45pm just after both children were settled. We got enviromental health in who gave him a warning as our walls were shaking with his drilling. He tried to claim it was nightshift which meant he worked at that time of day but she pointed out he shouldn't be drilling til 11pm if it was nightshift. He stopped when we drilled at 5pm one night with loud music on. His wife was mortified and it turned out she went out running then :-/

McHappyPants2012 · 22/10/2012 20:18

it is not reasonable to start DIY at 7pm.

i would be livid, DS has a strict bedtime routine and I can not afford for that routine to change.

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 22/10/2012 20:18

Mrs works shifts and does some work durin the day, mr works 9-5.
It's not a problem work as such, but the drilling, sanding, masonry work at 7pm is getting on my wick.
I suppose I'm riled because I'd only do noisy stuff during day or at weekends, does anyone know what's actually allowed time wise?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 22/10/2012 20:32

I went round again, said in a middling voice, not too singsongy canyou stop the noisy work now as I DD can't sleep, he came back with a snipey 'when would be convenient to you??!'
I replied with a 'it is 8pm now, and you are working directly behind my daughters head'
He huffed and said they would stop and he 'would have to come back to that'
I said thank you and left.
Aaaarrrhh! I feel all shaky and it wasn't even a proper confrontation!!
Need to woman up!!

OP posts:
Portofino · 22/10/2012 20:39

It's bloody tough isn't it - consideration for others Hmm. We are not allowed to mow our lawn on Sundays for example as here it is still considered a day of rest/a family day - and others don't want noisy shit. Drilling in the evening is TOTALLY inconsiderate.

Raspberrysorbet · 22/10/2012 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suburbophobe · 22/10/2012 21:01

My new neighbours took 2 years Shock to "fix their 2 appartments". in the building, above and next to me..... (total overhaul!).
But of course the stone floor was left.

Since then I've had to put up with her practising her scales, only about 5x a week, including weekends at around 5 pm..... "I sing in a choir, you know!"

God love us! Grin

(We did put a communal letter through the letterbox - the answer? - "yes, we have rights too" - i.e. they don't give a sht!!).

You have my sympathies...

Itsaboatjack · 22/10/2012 21:18

Speak to your local council office. I don't know what the definitions of noisy work are but I know the building site next to us is not allowed to do noisy work before 8am or after 6pm.

geegee888 · 22/10/2012 21:29

7pm and 8pm no, YANBU. DIY is a temporary thing, they are doing it to improve their home. Do they complain when your children are noisy?

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 22/10/2012 21:36

Most of the day we are out, leave at 8am, back at 5.30 and it's tea bath and bed. No night wakers (not stealth boast) always had good sleeper, when we get Home it's normally just quiet ish playtime.
I wouldn't mind if they maybe rang the bell and gave me some warning, but to say yes we will be quiet then get the chisel or drill out is riling

OP posts:
3LittleHens · 22/10/2012 21:38

I do sympathise because I have lived in the same terrible circumstances with a very ignorant and selfish neighbour. (I bet they don't have children).
Just seen the post from Itsaboatjack, and believe she is right - i.e. not before 8.00am and not after 6.00pm. Also 8.00am to 1.00pm on Saturdays. Also no noisy work on Sundays and Bank Hols.
Obviously I don't know where you live, but presumably the law is the same throughout the country. However, it should be very easy to find out with a call to your council like she says, or google it.
My husband is actually a builder and wouldn't do that, and it's his livelihood!
My advise would be to keep calm, but to be honest, I didn't, and ended up going round at 11.00pm one night and exploding!!!!
Good luck!

emsyj · 22/10/2012 21:42

Check out your local council website as they should have guidance on when it is and is not acceptable to do noisy work - as mentioned by another poster upthread. It is not considered acceptable in our council area to do noisy work at 7pm, so you could just put the Council on to him.

Or wimp out and just print off the guidance and put it through his door if you're not feeling brave enough for a grown-up conversation about it.

3LittleHens · 22/10/2012 21:52

Just seen post about 'them putting up with it when your children are noisy'. Hammer drills, drills, hammers, sanders etc etc etc., are a LOT NOISER than children!!!!!

I know - my husband is a builder and we have totally renovated several properties - Please do not feel guilty about your children being noisy - IT DOES NOT COMPARE!! Been there, done it and worn the t-shirt.
Forgot to say, and perhaps I shouldn't, but when I exploded at my neighbour at 11pm, it did actually work.

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 22/10/2012 22:00

They have never been that late! I'm more annoyed about the fact that I asked them to be quiet then they sai YES! Why would you say yes when you had an evening of chiselling scheduled?! Why not just tell me in advance? I can't explode (I'd love to) I just can't tolerate confrontation, got all shaky just asking civilly I think I'd pass out (wimp)

OP posts:
3LittleHens · 22/10/2012 23:20

Well there's not a lot you can do about that - I used to be exactly the same, honestly!

In the end I just got so frustrated with people taking the p....
There's more than one way to skin a cat - ie. say it is really affecting your child/children because .........(make it up, cry a bit), or give them a copy of the regulations either discretly or indiscretly.

Don't lose sight of the fact that they are acting against the law/regulations, not you.
Would you do what they are doing to neighbours with children or indeed without children? NO!

geegee888 · 22/10/2012 23:39

So if you're out from 8am til 6pm on weekdays OP, what will you do if you need to do some noisy DIY in your home?...

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2012 00:29

I feel for you but I still think YABU

It's not easy for you to live next door to someone completing DIY...but it's not easy for them to manage to complete their DIY, whilst living next door to a child young enough to need to go to bed in the early evening.

I think 9pm is a fair cut off point, though I realise that doesn't suit you and your family...but it won't be forever.

It would help if they could keep the noisier jobs for the weekend but I guess that's not always feasible.

One of the downsides of living in a terrace/semi I suppose. We all have our own lives and it's not always possible to get on with them, without upsetting someone Sad