Irrationally cross?

[pamelat]

I've been having a few issues with my inlaws.

My mother in law upset me last week but apologised and I'm really trying to be ok about it

We've not seen her daughter, my sister in law, for a while.

I contacted her yesterday to meet up, trying to make an effort.

A few things happened that irritated me but i wonder if I'm being silly, and simply still cross about my mother in laws insensitivities (which are nothing to do with sister in law)

So AIBU?

In the space of 1 hour she made several references to my 2 children

1. that my daughter was badly behaved so she doesn't take after her family (!!!)

By implication, what it's me/mine?!!!

2. that my son takes after her (in personality???!)

And 3) she was sat with them and said "3 x's sat in a row" where x was our surname

I feel this excluded me??? Am I being silly/paranoid?

Oh this is the sort of thing my ex MIL used to say. She also contrived to have wedding photos up on a dresser of both her sons, without the brides actually being included as we weren't 'proper family'.

I would be pleased she's apologised, I never had that in 18 years and it was one of the happy byproducts of divorce that I have never seen them from that day to this.

Don't stress too much about it, I doubt she will change now. Some of it is anxiety that her son has chosen you over her, she knows you are more important to him. Try and have a bit of empathy but otherwise, store up the best examples to make your friends howl with laughter over coffee and enjoy your life.

A new friend recently told me that her MIL offered her £15,000 cash on her wedding day not to get married at all!

It does look like she could be trying to exclude you a bit, but I think pretty normal thing for some families to say.

If you had a good relationship with her it'd be similar to whose pet our dog is, if she's been sick in a corner she's DHs, and when she's being cute making puppy noises in her sleep she's mine

The strained atmosphere makes the difference. Could she have been trying to make a connection with them though? Make sure they know that side of the family still loves them even though the adults don't always get on?

It's good your MIL apologised to you, not everyone is so willing to acknowledge they've been an arse.

is your SIL a parent herself? it sounds like she's not and that she's trying to be an auntie but isn't sure how to - she's emphasising the blood relations to 'prove' that she has a role in your childrens' lives. i would say it's about her and how she relates to her nephew and neice (awkwardly) and not about you.

over sensitive and finding insults where none have been made??

Whaaaat Emma? 15k to leave her beloved son stranded at the alter, humiliated and heartbroken? What a massive bitch

1, is always something people say. I say it to dh all the time. When the kids are playing up they must take after him.
2, that could be true. Both my kids have very similar personalities to me dbro. To suggest they are alike is not an insult and, while you may disagree, can't understand how you have taken that way.
3, They are 3 'x' in a row again, why you have turned this into an insult to you I don't know.

In short yabu and looking to be offended. I don't get why you are being like this with your sip when its your mil that upset you.

YABU and I think a bit paranoid as you suggested.

I can't see 2 or 3 as even a hint of insult, they're passing comments which have some truth in them. They were 3 x in a row and your son may be of similar personality to her (can't say as obviously don't know them).

Number 1 is a typical comment for family to make, I suppose its not nice to say her behaviour isn't great, but maybe it isn't in your SILs opinion. The idea that any bad behaviour is from the other side of the family is such a common thing to say, mainly in jest. Whenever the DCs play up, MIL or My parents, or whoever will say to DH/I that its the other side of the family coming through. Its a jokey comment.

Thanks all

Yep I need to accept mother in laws apology and move on but it's still hurt etc

No she doesn't have kids and is single but would like them. Maybe it's just that

Im quite "possessive" over them so feel abut vulnerae by the suggestion that one of them (the "easier" one is more like someone who is their aunt?!!)

I'm about to become an aunt and would very much want to be close to my neice or nephew but I dont think I'll go suggesting they are more like me than their parents

I would have taken the fifteen grand and married them anyway!