Stand up to Cancer

[Sharptic]

I have just had this debate with my husband, who is b u?

We're sat downstairs with 6yr old DS1. DS2 in bed so usually on a weekend DS1 gets to stay up a little later with us.

DH has just turned on Stand up to Cancer, he thinks it's Ok because DS should not be sheltered from confect and it may prepare DS for the future, I apparently wrap him up in cotton wool.

I disagree, I think we do need to protect DS from this, he already thinks about death sometimes when he's alone at night and I always try and be honest but reassure him.

We have not had to deal with cancer first hand yet, (touches wood) but if and when we do, thats when I think we will talk to DS

honestly? I think you are being rather PFB

I've had to cuddle my 5 year old to sleep tonight, because his beloved grandma is dying of cancer aged only 65, having battled it three times in nine years. He never met his granddad, thanks to cancer.

I think your DH has a point.

I sent DD (10)to bed quite a while ago, partialy because I did not think this was suitable for her to watch. We certainly don't overly protect her, both her GMs have had cancer, and she is very aware of this, and their treatment, but she does dwell on sad reality, and is very soft hearted (Comic Relief documentaries which were on pre watershed keep her awake even now) so I didn't want her to dwell on this.

I also vividly recall as a child watching these campaign programmes and taking really positive messages from them. The starving children and terrible suffering was stuff that happened to other people - that's very much the case for children. Or it should be.

Nothing like a consensus to resolve an issue, eh?

lol! I'm happy to prepare my DC for the future, and be completely honest with them, but want to do it myself, rather than watching a programme.

I think your DH has a point TBH. You can't shelter your children from life unfortunately.

DFIL is fighting cancer at the moment, my children are older than yours, but we have a 6 yo in the family who knows what is going on in simple terms.

You are very lucky you've not had to deal with anything like this TBH.

We have a friend whose 9 year old daughter has AML, DS age 4 knows that she is very sick and has a bug in her blood. My father has cancer. If you tink your DS shouldn't watch it because you don't want to let him know about cancer then YABU.

However if you don't want him to watch the programme as you will be telling him about cancer soon then YANBU.

I'm with your DH. It's being done in a sensitive way, mixed with entertainment. I think it's ok.

I wouldn't have let my dc watch, but then I think I'd get upset myself watching it.

When someone close to you dies for the first time it hits you like a tonne of bricks. And it does the same every time after that too. (I have lost far too many people to cancer and other things) I don't think any amount of watching programmes or anything else can really do that much to help prepare a child when it comes to things like cancer that are so terrible but so common.

I don't really see the point in telling children when they are still so young about the horrible truth that is the fact that they will probably be affected by cancer at some point in their lives, not at 6yo.

On the other hand, they may be better placed to understand if their lives, or that of their friends, is touched by cancer, but I think there are better ways to introduce those ideas than television programmes.

Depends on the child. You could try letting him watch it and if he's really upset next time you won't let him.

Learning about Cancer imo is very important. I include adults as well as children in that opinion. Cancer is a scary word that has a million different forms, some of them are deadly, some not so and I am all for demystifying the word cancer, you hear cancer, you think death and suffering. It's not always the case, though too often it is, which is why everyone needs to talk about it.

I think it's a need to know subject in the main, but nights like this, fundraisers, are a great opportunity to talk. About giving, the need to give, why we give and what we hope will be achieved.

Just like Children in Need or famine fundraisers.

The world IS cruel, and I understand your need to protect your children from 'grown up' pain for as long as possible. I want my children to look back as adults on their childhoods and feel the magic of being a child. Ot's not an either/or situation.

My children know about cancer, death, illness, war, suffering and injustice... they have heard my tell tales that are real about true pain. I balance that with conjured magic, with positive talk, love, laughter and fun. It's my opinion, a healthy one I think.

Your DH is NBU, and neither are you. Somewhere in the middle is a place that's just about right for a child today.

YABU. He needs to know. This is a fairly gentle introduction.

However if you didn't want to expose him to the awfulness that was Cheryl's opening performance YANBU

I had my hair lobbed off (7 1/2 inches)today and donated it to the Littleprincess Trust. My Ds is only 3 but we did explain to him why mummys hair would be very short and where it was going to. Even at 3 he took it in his stride and thought it was a good thing that someone would be getting my hair. I think kids only worry about stuff sometimes if its not talked about because it escalates in their little minds. That being said I understand your want to protect them from scary stuff, but it doesn't seem to be that scary for them if they know. I suppose it depends on the child and how they process stuff

Thank you, your replies have been a real eye opener.

So sorry that cancer is such a current part of some of your lives. I know we're lucky not to have dealt with cancer in our family, but do feel as though we're a ticking timebomb because of this and we will have to face it sooner or later.

I do agree the programme is a good mix of reality and fun, but the real features would get to ds. Even when DH explained to him what we had put on he had tears in his eyes, perhaps even more of a reason DS should have watched!