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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I quit my job?

22 replies

cheekypickle · 19/10/2012 19:43

So I'm a primary school teacher recently diagnosed with bi polar.

Was full time but decided to go part time due to less pressure that way.

So been back at school since sept but I hate it, my hearts not in it and I'm doing a rubbish job.

Would I cope being a sahm? My DD loves childminders so it would be a shame for her not to go

My DH thinks I'm being irrational

WWYD?

OP posts:
UltraBOF · 19/10/2012 19:45

I think you need to give it a bit more time to get the right medication etc. How are you managing your illness?

Original poster
cheekypickle · 19/10/2012 19:46

I'm still up and down, feel depressed sometimes

OP posts:
Mollydoggerson · 19/10/2012 19:49

Being at home is isolating and depressing, would you be better off with a rigid working routine and time away from family, would it be a better balance for both you and dd?

ilovesooty · 19/10/2012 20:30

Why is your heart not in it and how are you doing a rubbish job?

AgentZigzag · 19/10/2012 20:40

I would say give it more time as well.

Not just because it does take a while to get the meds just right (finding the right ones for you as well as dosage), but also September isn't that long ago (although I know if you're unhappy the seconds, minutes and hours you have to live are torture).

I would give yourself a definite timeline and what you expect to have happened by then. Like say if you give yourself a shitness score of 3/10 now, you'd expect to have a shitness score of 5 or 6/10 in a months time, and if you don't you'll reassess the job then.

Is there anyone at work you can talk to?

I don't think it's helpful your DH thinks you're being irrational, having mental health problems can seem irrational from the outside, but that doesn't take into account the very real effects of what's going on inside.

Is he usually this unsupportive?

AnnaLiza · 19/10/2012 20:46

Perhaps it's the job that it's not right, not working in itself. Can you look for a different job in another school?

Chelvis · 19/10/2012 20:47

It is so hard to find teaching jobs at the moment, so I would be really hesitant to leave a job, especially when they've been willing to let you go part time.

Do you have a supportive colleague who you could talk about your performance with, because whenever I've been depressed, I've assessed myself harder than anyone else does. It might help get things in perspective.

I always think the Autumn term is hard too, a lot of settling in and assessments, then all the Christmas stuff can be draining .... I would be really hesistant to make a decision about it when you're in the toughest bit, iyswim, and not enjoying the sunnier days and better moods it brings. I hope you are feeling better soon, it's a tough job I know

mudipig · 19/10/2012 21:02

For me it's harder to stay on an even keel if I'm not working. It sort of keeps me going.

Has anyone at work said anything or is it just you thinking you're not performing well?

I think it might be better to keep trying and if you get unwell, go and see your gp. Jobs are not easy to find. And if you're ill - you shouldn't have to resign.

I would agree it's quite lonely and isolating at home unless you have a wide group of other people in the same boat.

Original poster
cheekypickle · 20/10/2012 09:09

I agree with what you guys had written. It would be silly to walk out of a job. The head teacher gave me a massive list of things to do and I guess I was just overwhelmed by it. No no one has said in doing a bad job.

We have a local authority review coming up and I'm so nervous about it :(

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekypickle · 20/10/2012 09:11

If I quit I only have one person in the same boat as me. I think I would struggle to be at home all week. It's tough because you have a great day with little one and you think yeah I can do this full time. But I think the reality of being a sahm is that it's tough !

OP posts:
WofflingOn · 20/10/2012 09:12

Can you afford to quit?

Original poster
cheekypickle · 20/10/2012 09:14

If I quit then DD would have to be with me full time we couldn't afford her to have a couple of days at childminders

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekypickle · 20/10/2012 09:16

But yes as a family we could afford for me not to work. DH would love nothing more than for me to be a SAHM but he thinks I would get isolated and feel ill x

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 20/10/2012 09:17

I think you need to ask your GP to refer you for counselling. I don't know how many times you have asked this question on MN, but it is a lot. I have problem with that. MN is a good sounding board. But soon you may well get more exasperated replies, and I don't think those are helpful. I think you need some support in coming to terms with what your diagnosis might mean for you. I don't think MN is the place for that necessarily.

I am a teacher too, with an inspection looming large, and it is playing havoc with my self belief too...

TheFallenMadonna · 20/10/2012 09:18

I have no problem with that!

WofflingOn · 20/10/2012 09:22

Only you can know what the right decision is, but teaching is incredibly stressful in multiple, unpredictable ways and is so on a daily basis.
Personally, I'd quit and combine SAHM with planned activities and hobbies for us and me if I could.
Or look for a job unrelated to teaching, something more physically demanding without the continuous, relentless mental stress of managing children, parents, colleagues, SLTs and OFSTED/LEA/Government expectations.
I've read several of your other threads. Sad

Original poster
cheekypickle · 20/10/2012 09:28

I would love to quit but worry if I did it would be hard k get back into teaching (not that I want to teach anymore) it would be a risk to quit and be at home all the time

OP posts:
GreenPetal94 · 20/10/2012 11:03

I suffer from bipolar and it tooks me a few years to get sorted, but I'm now stable on medication. My advice is to stay in your job, but if you feel you can't cope with it at the moment then take sick. This gives you a chance to get stable without losing everything. When you are not depressed then have a good hard think and decide what you want to do. Do you actually want to be a full-time SAHM? In some ways that is the hardest option.

GreenPetal94 · 20/10/2012 11:03

Oh and good luck.

MainlyMaynie · 20/10/2012 11:06

I remember your posts from before you went back. You weren't coping with being at home and needed the time off when your daughter was at the childminder. IMO the problem isn't your job or being a SAHM, it's your illness and you need to concentrate on getting that fully under control. It would be a shame to quit your job and find that nothing was any better.

whois · 20/10/2012 11:23

Hey cheekypickle you asked the exact same question about 3 days ago, why not just add another reply into that post?

You don't like being at home with your DD.
You don't like being at work.
Your mental state seems exceedingly fragile.
I suggest you take no major life decisions regarding your work and get yourself back to your GP and psychatrist and get your medication and therapy sorted.

Original poster
cheekypickle · 20/10/2012 16:41

Rainbow spiral I think your right being a sahm is the harder option

OP posts:
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