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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel a bit uncomfortable with this

17 replies

gallifrey · 16/10/2012 15:08

I have a friend who is married to a bit of an arse, she had a daughter from a previous relationship who is friends with my DD and she comes to my house a lot. They are very strict with her and she often comes to my house in tears and doesn't want to go home.
The other week she told me her step dad had dragged her off the sofa by her feet and pulled her across the room and she has carpet burns on her back, she also gets punished by him for really silly things.
A few days ago she said that her Mum and step dad really argue and he shut her mums hand in a cupboard deliberately and locked her out of the house.
Later that day I saw my friend and she had a massive blood blister on her hand :(

Now she has put a picture of a bouquet of flowers her "lovely" husband has given her and everyone is commenting on how lovely he is and how jealous they are!
She is always putting on there how much she loves him and I think he is a bloody bully and a nob head, poor girl :(

OP posts:

BeingBooyhoo · 16/10/2012 15:12

i would be uncomfortable too. if what the girls said is true then her and her mother are being abused by this man. i would have to inform SS if it were a child i knew. do you think the mother knows what he did to the daughter? the carpet burns and dragging across the room i mean?

tabulahrasa · 16/10/2012 15:19

Report it to social services...

My step dad did similar things to me and called it discipline, some of my friends' mums were aware of what was going on and while they made sure I was always welcome at their houses, nobody actually did anything. I assumed that meant it was ok to be left with bruises for not washing dishes fast enough until I was in my teens and then I was too scared to report him myself - I was desperate for someone else to report it so that it was then taken out of my control, but no-one ever did.

There's not much you can do to help your friend until she wants help, but you can stop her DD being hurt.

ClippedPhoenix · 16/10/2012 15:22

That poor girl OP, how old is she?

MsOnatopp · 16/10/2012 15:24

I understand that you would struggle to go to SS about a friend but really this is domestic abuse. I would struggle to go along with it.

Original poster

gallifrey · 16/10/2012 15:24

I imagine so, but I get the impression they are both equally strict with her.
She came round the other day in tears because she hadn't had any breakfast because she spilt the milk whilst making porridge for her little brother and sister (who are his children) she's 9!

OP posts:

MsOnatopp · 16/10/2012 15:25

* about a friends situation* that should have been. Your friend is a victim obviously.

Original poster

gallifrey · 16/10/2012 15:27

Her real dad and stepmum are no better either :(

OP posts:

MyLastDuchess · 16/10/2012 15:28

Even if she is "only" witnessing violence against her mother then she is at risk You really should make that call .

Original poster

gallifrey · 16/10/2012 15:28

Sorry just read my opening post and it should say she has put a picture of the flowers on facebook.

OP posts:

Monty27 · 16/10/2012 15:29

What about telling the school? That poor girl needs some sort of help.

ClippedPhoenix · 16/10/2012 15:30

What a terrible situation.

You're caught between a rock and a hard place aren't you.

I'd give the SS a call to have a chat with someone in the first instance.

KenLeeeeeee · 16/10/2012 15:31

Please, please, please report it to someone, OP. My stepdad was violent towards me in the name of "discipline" and I wish so much that someone had picked up on it and stepped in.

inthisdayandage · 16/10/2012 15:31

The girl is only 9 so quite helpless- by telling you she is trusting an adult to do the right thing. Please please tell social services. What has happened is unacceptable and may get worse. I appreciate it is tricky but you are helping your friend and her daughter (and probably the 2 younger children too). Alternatively phone the NSPCC today.

BeingBooyhoo · 16/10/2012 15:33

well if her mother is just as 'strict' with her aswell then you definitely need to be reporting this to SS. someone needs to protect this child.

StuntGirl · 16/10/2012 15:34

Agree it was probably a massive thing for her to confide in you. Please help this child.

user12785 · 16/10/2012 15:35

No one ever reported my stepfather either, though I'm sure people knew, as I was always welcome at friends' houses from dawn till dusk. I'd report it.

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 16/10/2012 15:47

If the stepdad is capable of deliberately injuring your friend (who is the person he chose to be with and is meant to care for), I'm sure he is capable of doing as much or worse to his stepdaughter, who it sounds as though he doesn't care about at all (except as an unpaid skivvy).

So, I would definitely call SS. And maybe police too if you hear any more horror stories.

And if by your friend being "equally strict" you mean that she is giving this sort of punishments as well, all the more reason to call them.

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