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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be incredibly insulted by this?

47 replies

TwistyBraStrap · 13/10/2012 15:58

I am currently lying on the sofa as I'm not well. DH took the DCs over to MILs this afternoon to see MIL, and his aunt, who visited MILs house.

DH has just come back and had a mini rant about his aunt, and now I am furious as well.

DS has suspected Asperger's. We are due to go in for an assessment later this month, but we are confident he is somewhere on the autism spectrum. BIL (DH's brother) was diagnosed some years ago with Asperger's and MIL has recognised a lot of the same sorts of behaviours coming from DS that she noticed with BIL when he was younger.

DH's aunt is very big on homeopathy and claims that it has cured her of various aches and pains that she's had over the years. Apparently, on this visit, she came armed with tablets that looked like sweeteners, saying that they can "cure" both BIL and DS of their autism.

What it does, apparently, is flush out the "toxins" that are put into the body with the MMR. This then gets rid of the autism which is caused by the "toxins". DH pointed out that it's not toxins, but your immune system, which can't be flushed, but she wouldn't listen.

AIBU to feel incredibly insulted by this? If there was a "cure" we would have found it by now! DS is 5, I'm not going to give him some random tablets that will do god knows what to him!

It's just such backwards thinking, it makes me rage Angry

OP posts:
MarasmeAbsolu · 13/10/2012 16:02

just ignore and tell her to go and run chanting around a fire.
Some people just cannot be educated and are not worth you getting angry about.
What did your MIL say?

MarasmeAbsolu · 13/10/2012 16:03

just ignore and tell her to go and run chanting around a fire.
Some people just cannot be educated and are not worth you getting angry about.
What did your MIL say?

HKat · 13/10/2012 16:04

Ignore ignore ignore. Oh and YANBU

WofflingOn · 13/10/2012 16:07

You will get used to people offering a range of bizarre and very personal opinions as to what caused the autism, and how it can be fixed. Ignorant, unwanted and very irritating.
You can spend a lot of time on getting annoyed, or develop a thick skin and a line in sarcasm.
My Aspie is now 17, I've had a lot of woo thrown at me and him over the years. Smile

MrsWolowitz · 13/10/2012 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumblechum1 · 13/10/2012 16:07

My personal view on stuff like this is that people generally don't do things with the intention of pissing you off, and I always assume that they are well meaning unless I have evidence to the contrary.

I think your Aunt is well intentioned but uneducated, and that there is no point in getting in a strop about it. Just let it go over your head and bin the pills.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2012 16:08

Don't worry about it.

She's just ignorant about Asperger's that's all but her heart seems to be in the right place.

Smile and nod.

WofflingOn · 13/10/2012 16:09

Oddly enough, one of the most useful people was DD, who is older than her brother. She and I would riff about chakras and Indigo children and how aligning his bed with the magnetic forces prevalent when Jupiter was in the ascendent would all help him purge and be at one with the universe.

Original poster
TwistyBraStrap · 13/10/2012 16:10

MIL apparently piped up saying that it's not been proven that the MMR causes autism. And then just sat there.

They're such a passive family, barely any arguments because no-one says anything to anyone, they just bitch behind each others' backs.

In my family they would have been told to STFU.

OP posts:
RobynRidingHood · 13/10/2012 16:11

People try to be helpful. They find something that works for them and think it will work for evryone else. I bet if put "homeopathy" and "autism cure" into google I'd find sites proclaiming to do just that. (I've now put curing autism into google and come up with stem cell research that indicates that autism may be cured in the future) so hey-ho. And I just put in the other and there are lots of stories where parents proclaim their childs autism is cured by homeopathic remedies.

Birdsgottafly · 13/10/2012 16:14

I agree that as annoying as it is, she probably hasn't meant to insult you, she is just misinformed.

At least she hasn't turned up and told you that there is nothing wrong with your child that better parenting wouldn't sort out, which i had with both my SN children.

She is at least acknowledging he has a condition, my older relatives thought that a good smack on the legs was all my DD needed during a meltdown.

Original poster
TwistyBraStrap · 13/10/2012 16:14

Oh, I know I shouldn't let it get to me - and I know her heart is in the right place. I don't believe in homeopathy at all, if anyone asks I always spout the Dara O'Brian line - "Chinese herbs have been around for thousands of years, then when science caught up, we tested the herbs, and the ones that worked became "medicine"!"

Grrrr Angry

OP posts:
getrealandgetalife · 13/10/2012 16:14

bless her... maybe she has some undiagnosed interference syndrome!

GoSakuramachi · 13/10/2012 17:06

They are just sugar pills, they cant do anything anyway, there is nothing in them.

DeadQODy · 13/10/2012 17:09

I know a homeopath, she touts for business thru Facebook and yet spends the entire winter posting about how ill she is,gets every cold going, sore throats etc. ... Not good advertising!

SlightlyJaded · 13/10/2012 17:13

I would suggest that you and DH tell Aunt to call one if the expert organisations / charities that work with people on the Autistic Spectrum and offer them some of her wisdom --and woo- Tell her that if they bite her hand off, you will follow suit.

She is an arse.

MirandaGoshawk · 13/10/2012 17:14

I wouldn't waste time/energy getting het up about it. She is entitled to her opinion. Just ignore it & forget it.

Phineyj · 13/10/2012 17:18

How annoying for you, although I expect she thinks she's being helpful.

The older generation (well, people generally) do seem to sometimes have odd views on autism. They seem to think it was somehow invented in the last couple of decades - when surely it must have always existed, just been called other things or ignored?

My MIL and I recently had a ridiculous argument about the most suitable type of buggy for my future DC and at one point she claimed that forward-facing buggies 'cause autism'. Shock

Everlong · 13/10/2012 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KenLeeeeeee · 13/10/2012 17:32

It sounds like her heart is in the right place, but she's just terribly misinformed about ASD and the MMR. My mum is also very big on homeopathy and we've had to agree to just not discuss our wildly differing opinions on conventional and alternative medicine.

YouMayLogOut · 13/10/2012 17:37

YANBU. It's very impolite to push advice onto someone with a medical condition. It's belittling, rude, and if only things were that simple!

HolyAutumnGoldBatman · 13/10/2012 17:42

YABU

Mildly irritated is probably about right, incredibly insulted is a massive overreaction.

She was trying to help.

I don't believe in God, but if my DC was sick/unhappy/struggling with something and someone told me they were praying for them, I'd be grateful not 'incredibly insulted'.

pictish · 13/10/2012 17:49

There's not need to feel insulted - it wasn't intended to hurt you.

However I agree about homeopathy.

Perhaps you should visit the aunt wearing this t-shirt.

snooter · 13/10/2012 17:51

You need to be amused rather than insulted, however she might be offended when you tell her homeopathy is a load of useless claptrap...

crashdoll · 13/10/2012 17:56

Send her a link to this.....

If you haven't seen it, it will be the best 1 min 53 seconds of your day.

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