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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder whose fault this was

71 replies

lingle · 09/10/2012 18:10

Family A has a nanny but she can't drive just now.

Family B mum down the road says she's happy to pick up Family A's kids on Tuesdays.

Family B mum starts to pick up regularly. Nanny sends regular text on Tuesdsays "ok to pick up?" etc.

Family B takes their holiday abroad one week so family B mum doesn't respond to text - is at a wedding abroad. Family B has made vague reference to wedding to mum of Family A over coffee previous week but not in a "so you realise I won't be picking up Tuesday don't you?" kind of way.

No-one picks up kids, school call Family A dad who is very cross with Family B and sends nanny down to school in a taxi.

Jury, verdict please....

OP posts:
HecateLarpo · 09/10/2012 18:34

oh please don't say the nanny please don't say the nanny please don't say the nanny

ChaoticismyLife · 09/10/2012 18:36
kinkyfuckery · 09/10/2012 18:37
HeadlessForHalloween · 09/10/2012 18:37

It's partly Family B's fault for not being more clear, but the nanny should have gone to the school to pick up after being unable to contact Family B. You also have to take into consideration that Family B are doing a kind favour, and the dc aren't their responsibility.

HastaLanugo · 09/10/2012 18:38

If something is usually confirmed by text, but no reply text is received, it is not confirmed. Therefore, IMO nanny was irresponsible to assume arrangement was in place.

Original poster
lingle · 09/10/2012 18:39

ok, so this was actually about six months ago. Today I was driving all the children home (being mum B, as you clever people have all guessed) and they started talking - as they quite regularly do! - about "the day no-one picked us up" and it went like this.

"lingle, do you remember that time and you went on holiday and we had to go to the office and [nanny] had to come in a taxi. Daddy was so angry! Yeah, he was really angry"

"angry with who?"

"with you!"

"oh!"

I think that since this incident the nanny knows I haven't committed to informing them of my holiday arrangements - I'm pretty sure when we started this thing that I said "ok make sure you do ask me every week because sometimes I work" - so it's the idea that the father now considers me to be an unreliable picker-upper that was the unfortunate revelation!

I have no other problem with the arrangement and nanny A and mum A are lovely.

Maybe I just to steer clear of dad A for a little while? In case I rant?

OP posts:
HeadlessForHalloween · 09/10/2012 18:39

Actually, the dad of family A is being unreasonable. It was a misunderstanding and no harm was done. No need to get cross about it.

clam · 09/10/2012 18:39

I think Family A's dad has got a flipping cheek to be angry with the people who've been doing his family a favour up until now and if I were them (Family B) I would be withdrawing my help from now on.

Hope you enjoyed the wedding, OP!!! Wink

SummerRain · 09/10/2012 18:39
clam · 09/10/2012 18:39

Oops! Posted that before I read who the OP was!

MissVerinder · 09/10/2012 18:40

^ Exactly what clam said.

I presume you are being suitably remunerated?

ventilatormum · 09/10/2012 18:40

Family A dad bit unfair to be cross with Family B.
Family A parents have delegated responsibility to nanny. Nanny should have sorted it out when text not replied to.
Sorry lingle if you are nanny!! (which I too suspect ....)

Original poster
lingle · 09/10/2012 18:41

Hurray! someone finally blamed it all on dad A.

I blame him for criticising me in front of the children :)

And I blame myself for being unable to let it go for the last two and a half hours :) and for asking who he was angry with.

OP posts:
MissVerinder · 09/10/2012 18:42

As in Dad A is being mean to you, considering you are doing him a favour and I'm guessing you don't get petrol money, not as in he is paying you and you should have toled him, which is how that came across...

and breathe...

ventilatormum · 09/10/2012 18:42

oh look! too slow.
At least I also think family A dad unfair, and family B NOT your fault!!

ObiWan · 09/10/2012 18:42

Yes, do avoid him - because if he thinks this is bothering you after six months have passed, he'll think you're neurotic as well as flakey. Grin

HeadlessForHalloween · 09/10/2012 18:43

Well I'm not exactly surprised you are Mum B Grin

when we started this thing that I said "ok make sure you do ask me every week because sometimes I work

^^With this I think you are totally in the clear. It was never a long standing arrangement and was to be done on a week to week basis.

SoldeInvierno · 09/10/2012 18:43

why did they hire a nanny who couldn't drive if the school isn't within walking distance? What a cheek to put all the responsibility on you. I hope they are paying you well!

Quadrangle · 09/10/2012 18:43

He probably had a bit of a moan in the heat of the moment as he had been called away from work, but probably realised when he had calmed down that it was just a misunderstanding and that you were actually doing them a big favour. Has the nanny broken her leg or something?

ChaoticismyLife · 09/10/2012 18:43
Original poster
lingle · 09/10/2012 18:43

and no problem with the arrangement. Great family, have been so good to my children (one of whom is vulnerable). In and out of each other's houses all summer.

I think that perhaps dad A and I have a wee bit too much in common? I did tell the nanny (also my friend) about it today and said "so, we do know what we're doing don't we? I don't report in in advance if I'm going on holiday".

And she smiled and waited for me to calm down, as she has done for years.

OP posts:
WithoutCaution · 09/10/2012 18:44

Family A WBU. You mentioned, however vaguely, that you would be on holiday for a week it's hardly your fault that family A didn't put 2 and 2 together.

HeadlessForHalloween · 09/10/2012 18:44

But she only found out today Obi Grin

Original poster
lingle · 09/10/2012 18:47

"Yes, do avoid him - because if he thinks this is bothering you after six months have passed, he'll think you're neurotic as well as flakey. "

PMSL that is so right!

god I love mumsnet sometimes.

OP posts:
Quadrangle · 09/10/2012 18:47

I don't blame you for not thinking to notify family B that you wouldn't be able to do the school pick up. You probably had enough to think about with going abroad to a wedding.