aibu or not about exp seeing dcs.....

[howelsabout]

myself and exp have just recently split and of course there have been tensions between us since splitting he hasn't taken much intrest in dcs only seeing them on his terms when he wants and only for an hour or so well he hasn't seen them since last tues not even bothering to call or txt me to ask how they are so i called him on thurs to say that we need to sit down and sort out proper contact this was arranged for yesterday
i was all set to take dcs down to see him when he txt me saying he was doin something else and couldn't meet so i told him to forget it and do it another day(i was pissed because he always does this)

so this morning he txt me saying he will be down at three today and i told him i was not going to be at home (already made plans with friend to go shopping so not really important) he told me to cancel my plans i told him no aibu not to cancel?

also bearing in mind i asked him on sat to have dcs for two hours whilst i helped a family member sort out an emergency and he wouldn't cancel his plans (again not important)or put them on hold for a couple of hours

please advise.

YANBU, but you also need to consider your kids getting to see their dad.

It is a shit situation and I really sympathise. My DS's dad has told me before that he was advised 'by family and legal experts' not to push for contact. Subsequently he's seen DS about 20 times since we split up when DS was 6months, he's now nearly 9.

Huge sympathies, it's a horrible situation. Can you get access visits put down in writing?

write down the contact offered and that he refused it at short notice.

go out this afternoon. repeat again and again that contact needs to be arranged a certain number of days in advance. the children need the consistency and need routine and of course he wants to do what is best for the children. do not let yourself be bullied into cancelling stuff. try to keep everything in writing, preferably by email. you then have records. keep his texts.

How old are the children?

well that is excatly why i wanted to sit down with him yesterday to try and sort out proper contact between us as i don't really want to drag it through court.

i don't want to keep them from him but at the same time he just doesn't seem intrested in them

i agree its a very hard situation

@ worral two

Sorry howels I didn't mean that to come across that you're NOT thinking about your children, obviously you are. I just know the feeling of having to swallow your anger re his treatment of them so that they can see him. It has seriously clouded my judgement in the past. I've always been careful though not to obstruct contact so that ex can never use that against me.

I think susan's suggestion is sensible and helpful. Sorry, I really didn't mean to imply you weren't thinking of them.

no of course not i didn't that you were implying anything.

i went shopping anyway i txt him and said what time i would be back and if he wanted to he could come round and get dcs ready for bed the reply i got "cool" so i don't know when or if hes coming they go to bed @ 7