working full time and doing things for relatives

[chobbler]

hubby works split day for various reasons 7-14.00 then a lull until 18.00-23.00. I don't think I am being unreasonable to expect him to actually get some downtime between 14-18 if he can and I am usually on school run and after school stuff so he can.

BUT his mother has other ideas. he keeps getting asked to go over to hers , about a half hour drive, to do various tasks and repairs which his stepdad is too lazy to do. he doesn't say no but is constantly tired and gruff with us because he cannot get a rest between 14-18.00.

This is now having an effect on his health and spilling over into our family weekends, saturday is when we usually go to his gran to help her maintain her house as she is 85 and struggling to remain independent.

I am quite happy to help her out as she isn't able to do the things she needs help with, they just are too busy watching tv. I am disabled myself so limited in what I can do, but now even DD is getting roped into tasks for her so she can't get her work and other bits done.

I don't mind if its an emergency but it never is. He has 5 siblings and they never ever help.

I want to put a stop to weekend visits so he gets proper downtime but AIBU?

Do you mean you want to stop weekend visits to his Mum, but not his Gran?

I think I'd make him see that he needs to stop going over in the middle of the day.

' he keeps getting asked to go over to hers'

Asked or ordered? Or a combo of the two?

What hold do they have over your DH that they don't have over his 4 siblings?

Does your DH agree with you that it's affecting his mood and impacting on other areas of your life?

(Questions, questions... )

sorry ILL :( @ outraged not Grans we have done that for over 10 years now, she doesn't actually trust anyone to do it apart from us. We have keys and come and go to do the job and are on call whenever she needs us, even been over at 3am with dog to search garden for burglars which turned out to be the gate in the wind :)

@ Agent guilted probably more than ordered. the usual response is if I don't then who will. But I want his siblings to start shouldering some responsibility BIL already does for his inlaws so why not his mother.

We are always helping but never get the help ourselves. (well I say never about 10 times in the last 20 years)