Email etiquette

[ThuribleTrouble]

My son (17 almost 18) has recently announced much to my distress that he wants to become a Catholic priest. I am struggling with many aspects of this but thought I would start with a small gripe about the diocesan vocations people.

He has just received an invitation to a weekend residential retreat. The email addresses of all those invited are visible as I presume is his address to them. I thought it was very bad form to give out other people's emails especially those of under 18s. I know the Catholic church is supposed to be cleaning up its act but this seems sloppy to me. especially in light of all of this JS stuff

I am a regular but have name changed for this.

It's bad form for a organisation not to use bcc when all the recipients (adult or child) don't know each other. In theory, his email could be used for spam and other unwanted contact.

Sounds like you are trying to get annoyed about stuff that doesnt really matter, maybe to distract yourself from the real big issue. Why not talk to your son about whatever your real worries or concerns are?

I'd be annoyed about that too, it's bad form at the very least to show all the email addresses and I wouldn't be surprised if it breaks data protection rules as well. I'd don't suppose everyone gave their permission for their details to be freely circulated.

It's not good form, no. You should create a proper group and choose the option not to show the email addresses within in. It is more likely that your ds's email address will be used to send junk mail than it is to proposition him, however.

Yes, it is bad form. I didn't know this myself until I was doing some voluntary work to learn more IT skills. The Catholic Church should know it.

I hope you can get some understanding between you and your DS (I'd struggle too, TBH)

What's JS stuff?

It's bad form but seriously - it's most likely an error on the part of an admin assistant, blaming the whole Church is a bit of a leap.

Thanks for your replies. I might drop them a line to point this out.

RightBugger Believe me I have tried to have a discussion with my son but its not easy to do and I am scared of pushing him further in if I object too much.

I know the email stuff sounds like a small issue but if they can't get the little things right I wonder whether they have really got the big things right.

JS = Jimmy Savile

I think YABU to lump in a couple of current and contentious issues with an e mail fuck up. What, actually, do you want to discuss here?

YANBU

e Bad form.

I've had this before for online courses I've done. Apparently its to encourage you to make contact socially, arrange transport etc.

Its a real gripe of mine. If I want to make friends I will do it else where. If I have transport issues I'll discuss it with the course tutor.

I'm church savvy so have no idea if there would be a social aspect to the retreat.

MadgeHarvey Yep I know I am being unreasonable in that regard. Perhaps I posted in AIBU because what I really want to do is shout and scream and drag my son away from those creepy priest people

If you can suggest a better place for me to go and feel sorry for myself and for my son then I'll go.

Let him go with your blessing - he will learn on his own if this is for him or not, if it isn't and it's just a phase then breathe a sigh of relief if it is the be glad he has found his vocation and is happy.

You cannot live his live for him, you can be confident you have raised him to be a bright, intelligent, level headed individual, capable of making his own desicions.

Then/life

Sending out e-mails with all recipient's addresses visible is bad form, yes.

But it sounds like that's not what you're really upset about.

(and what has Jimmy Saville got to do with any of this, anyway?)

MrsBiggs First I'm not sure if atheists can give blessings. Second, I am by no means confident that I have raised him to be bright, intelligent, level headed etc etc. What he is proposing to do seems absolutely bonkers and makes me question his sanity and my parenting skills.

If you're an atheist, is it possible that this is some sort of teenage rebellion?

Also, not sure if this would apply to the Catholic church, but a school friend of mine wanted to become an Anglican priest. He applied straight after finishing his theology degree, but was told that he needed to get more life experience before he could become a priest, and to apply again in a few years.

LonelyCloud "(and what has Jimmy Saville got to do with any of this, anyway?)"

Jimmy Saville .l.. child abuser allegedly
Catholic Church ... definitely covered up child abuse amongst their clergy.
Emails to young impressionable teenagers inviting them to weekend retreats .... I know I am probably reading too much into it but the fact that they seem happy to spread his contact details far and wide is not a good sign.

I think that Jimmy Saville and paedophile priests are two separate issues.

And poor e-mail etiquette does not equal an intent to abuse impressionable teenagers.

Your son is almost an adult. when he hits 18 you are not going to have a say anyway. Have you sat down and asked him why he wants to become a priest without getting all 'Mum' on him easiersaidthandoneIknow or is there anyone else that can talk to him about his options? It may be he genuinely believes and wants to follow that path. Fwiw if it were my son after my initial reaction of laughter (we are not religious in any shape or form) I would be supportive if it was what he wanted to genuinely do, even if I hated the idea.

Bugger forgot the AIBU

YANBU about the email. I would want my email kept private.

Well it is not good form to put on everyone's email on show, but YABU to get her up about it.

LonelyCloud Yes I'm aware that I am over egging it a bit but I have spoken to the parish priest and he confirmed that in some cases they do take men from the age of 18 these days which I think is very unreasonable in the light of the problems the church has had.

I would feel much more confident of their intentions if they had sent him away until he is older like the Anglicans seem to do. I suppose that it isn't just sexual abuse that I am worried about, there are other things about the Catholic church that I have become aware of since attending church with my husband that I do not like. (Although, I stopped attending about 18 months ago.)

To answer your earlier point, I am hoping that it is teenage rebellion (although my husband is a Catholic) but I fear that it is just a lack of self knowledge and worldly wisdom and I am really scared that he won't realise it until its too late.

Could he go to university first perhaps? And meet some girls? See bands? Get drunk? Go to see opera and theatre? Maybe do some work? What can a over-young priest offer anyone? I am a non believer but surely you need some experience.
Oh and Bcc would be the way to go if people don't know one another.