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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To attend a work conference that eats into DS2's birthday?

19 replies

Lorelilee · 26/09/2012 09:47

I work full time and am the main wage earner. Our work conference is a sort of one and a bit day event - one whole day then travel back the next day - the day of his birthday. I should be home @ 11.30am (just in time for him finishing nursery). However, I can't bear the thought of him waking up on his special day and not seeing Mummy. Would you go?

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 26/09/2012 09:50

Yes I would go - he won't even know it's his birthday unless you tell him, and you need to go to work to pay the bills. Do something really nice for his birthday at the weekend or whenever you have a day off, it won't make any difference.

Nottigermum · 26/09/2012 09:52

Oh dear..... could you come back at night? Have an evening flight instead? I think in your shoes I would also want to be there. If you really can't you could come back with a nice surprise like some super cool breakfast pancakes with chocolate or something. And a bunch of balloons. I understand your situation, it's hard, but I can't say if yabu or not.....

Or leave a big box for him to open in the morning with a nice breakfast treat!

Personally I would try not to go but hey, it's life isn't it?

CMOTDibbler · 26/09/2012 09:54

I'd go - I do go with not being away all day on their birthday, but you'll be there for the full bulk of the day.
Unless you can travel back late on the day of the conference ?

Ragwort · 26/09/2012 09:55

Of course you should go, can you imagine a man asking for time off to be at his son's birthday? Presumably he is young, if he is at nursery, so is very unlikely to be aware that it is his 'birthday'.

This is the sort of thing that gives working women a very bad image. How would you colleagues react if you asked for the time off?

Are you going to request every birthday/first day of school/nativity play etc etc off ?

Does he have a father at home, why can't he make it special?

WilsonFrickett · 26/09/2012 10:05

YABU. Way to smash your credibility at work - I don't think I've ever heard of a man doing this.

He's at nursery, just make his birthday another day. We did this when DS was 6 as he had to have an operation - we just 'moved' his birthday forward a week. Which involved a certain level of subterfuge which won't be needed for a nursery child...

adeucalione · 26/09/2012 10:09

I can't see a problem. Whoever wakes him in the morning can do the whole 'birthday breakfast' thing and tell him that you will pick him up from nursery.

missymoomoomee · 26/09/2012 10:14

Ragwort, my DH books our childrens birthdays off every year. Why does everything have to be about whether a man would do it or not.

OP its totally up to you, tbh nursery age he won't even know its his birthday unless you tell him so you could not mention it until after nursery and do presents/decorate the house etc for him coming back from nursery and start his day then.

missymoomoomee · 26/09/2012 10:14

Ragwort, my DH books our childrens birthdays off every year. Why does everything have to be about whether a man would do it or not.

OP its totally up to you, tbh nursery age he won't even know its his birthday unless you tell him so you could not mention it and do presents/decorate the house etc for him coming back from nursery and start his day then.

porcamiseria · 26/09/2012 10:17

go

you gotta pay the bills!

1130am is fine xx

ragwort, lots of men take time off for events like this, thats why we plan ahead and have annual leave!!!!

aldiwhore · 26/09/2012 10:20

I would go. You can stall the birthday gifts until after nursery, and still have a special day, you could perhaps have a birthday boxing day breakfast the next day, but I highly doubt your LO will be angry x

I would probably drive overnight, leave as soon as I could, because ultimately this is about your feelings not your child's (and that okay!!) so if it were me, I'd travel over night so I felt better Smile

financialwizard · 26/09/2012 10:30

I would go. I would also make the weekend nearest his birthday his 'treat time'.

If it is any consolation my husband (main bread winner here for a while) is going to be away for Christmas, our DD's birthday, our wedding anniversary and both of our boys birthdays next year. All of these events will fall to me to make special, or arrange later in the year. Our children are 13, 11 and 2.

anewyear · 26/09/2012 10:44

DS1 was 14 on the 11th of this month,
He had to put up with me working (childminder) when he got home from school, and then at 5pm got shipped off with his grandparents, who took him and his brother out for birthday tea (got spoilt) Because of a course on the new EYFS that I had to attend. He was asleep by the time I got back.

I didnt hardly see him all day and felt guilty about it.
I think what Im trying to say is that, hes a lot older than yours and if he had had a crap day, he definatly would have told me..
He hasnt.... yet Grin

Netguru · 26/09/2012 10:51

Go. Your child won't see this as bad if you don't.

Booking birthdays off work wouldn't work in this family - nor many others where there are restrictions on leave and a lot of travel with work.

It doesn't matter if you have the most understanding employer in the world, accepting that when we agree to work there will sometimes be demands on us which we would not choose is part of having a career and being taken seriously at work rather than second class employees.

Floggingmolly · 26/09/2012 10:57

If he's too young to realise it's his birthday, why don't you bring it forward a day?

Startailoforangeandgold · 26/09/2012 10:59

Honestly I would save the good will at work for nativity plays, concerts or when he's ill.

Small DCs don't know what date it is and insisting birthdays must be celebrated in an exact way at an exact time makes a real rod for your back.

After nursery will be fine. The next day would be fine.

When DCs get older birthday tea and fuss often moves a day or two because of after school clubs etc.

SeventhEverything · 26/09/2012 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoldeInvierno · 26/09/2012 11:17

Just tell him his birthday is one day after, or a few days before. He won't know at this age. I wouldn't want to miss an important work appointment for something that you can easily change at home. DS will not notice.

AMumInScotland · 26/09/2012 11:20

If the "waking up" bit of a birthday is a special time in your household, then I think it's easiest just to transfer it to the following day, unless DC1 is at an age where he/she would give the game away of course!

But, more generally, I reckon in any household where someone has time commitments they can't always get out of, you're better to find ways of making special days "special" which don't require them to follow a specific pattern. You can't always be there when they wake up, or for lunch, or dinner, so try to be flexible about celebrating in ways which can be adapted to suit the circumstances, rather than feeling it's been "spoiled" if x and y haven't happened exactly as planned.

Original poster
Lorelilee · 26/09/2012 12:45

Looks like an overwhelming GO! I really thought I would get flamed for even considering going shows you what I know. I really appreciate the feedback, thanks.

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