To want to do this?

[Spottyblancmange]

It's DNiece's 21st birthday tomorrow. She's lived with me on and off since she was 8, and she's currently away at Uni. We've had her here all weekend, done some early presents, had a little party and she caught the train back this afternoon because she has lectures tomorrow.

But I want to see her tomorrow, and I'm so tempted to drive down to her Uni to see her. Deep down I know IABU to want to, she's an adult and she's got some great friends there. But it's her 21st, and whilst she didn't want a big party, I feel like it should still be a big deal and I hate feeling like she's not got any family with her on the actual day.

AIBU to so want to drive down to see her, even though she's an adult, I'd probably embarrass the hell out of her, I'd have to miss a day of work and I know she'll be okay? Also I suppose WIBU if I spend most of tomorrow morning in tears because I recognise IABU but still want to?

YABU. She's done family stuff this weekend, tomorrow is for uni friends.

You have to realise her birthday is about her not about you. Sorry, you are very sweet and lovely but YABU.

Yes YABU, its her 21st not her 1st bday!
Will u be wanting to do this every yr?
I'm guessing there's more to this, there must be some other reason u r feeling so over emotional about something so tiny?

Sorry but yes. YABU. You've had your time, now its her mates time. They might have something amazing planned that doesn't factor you. Its her birthday. Its not about you and your needs. Glad you've been able to do something lovely for her this weekend, but now its time for her to be with her friends. Would she be able to totally let lose and party with you there? As close as I am to my mum I wouldn't be able to enjoy a uni party as much if she was there.

You sound lovely... But she is 21 and will want to be with her pals, not auntie!
Call her to say happy birthday and to say you are thinking about her, but she'll be having fun with the 'young folk'. I'm sure she really appreciates having someone who cares so much though.

YABU to spend the morning in tears because you're not seeing her on a certain day of the year....what's that all about?

It's just the anniversary of the day she was born that's all.

You've already celebrated it with her and she'll now probably want to celebrate it again with her friends.

There's no need to go OTT about these things.

The most important thing is that you show her you love her every day of the year...not just on an anniversary and I have no doubt you do.

Is there something else bothering you perhaps and you're focussing on this one day instead of dealing with it?

Hiya Op,

Its great ur dn has got you...
But as a previous poster pointed out how u feel is about you,not her.

My own ds was at uni for his 21st &i felt very tempted to 'surprise' him!

He had a fantastic day,his friends made sure he had a great day!

Call her tomorrow,she will be glad you called.

I would bet she has a brilliant birthday at uni!!