If AIBU was a call centre...

[fuzzysnout]

Please listen to the message and...

Press 1 if you would like to complain about dogs, teachers or people on benefits.

Press 2 if your MIL is being much more unreasonable than you are.

Press 3 if your DH is a lazy twunt who leaves you to do all of the housework and childcare.

Press 4 to hear a recorded message saying "leave the bastard".

Press 5 if YANBU but you would just like more traffic for your query.

Press 6 for urgent medical advice if your puppy / toddler has just eaten something they shouldn't.

Press 7 if you are not BU for wanting to take your pfb to a child free wedding.

Press 8 if you are not being a bridezilla for wanting a child free wedding but are feeling hurt that none of your friends / family can attend as they don't have a babysitter.

Press 9 if YA definitely NBU, no matter what everyone else says!

Press 10 for all other enquiries, where Trills will direct you to the correct board.

We thank you for calling Mumsnet today. Have a good day.

YABU on the fact that you can't press 10!!

Has to be # * or 0.

Hilarious - well done!

I do feel there should be a 'visit our website at www.p&cparkingspaces.com'

when I get a call from a call centre I usually tell them to fuck off. Oh yes I see what you mean its just the same !

Very good, but you need another number for those who wish to complain that their parents don't want to drop everything to look after their grandchildren on every possible occasion.

YAB a tiny bit U about 3. Just think how many relationships would collapse if we didnt get to moan about DH/DP on here. Not to mention how many friends we would all lose by moaning to them all the time.

'If you wish to complain that everyone on MN is a nasty bully for telling you YABU after you were foolish enough to ask, please hang up and dial 0800-HUNS'

and every few minutes it would be

"mumsnet apologise for our lines being down at the moment, please call back later"

Please hold the line, your call is important to us, Trills knows you are waiting ...

Oooh what would the On Hold music be? I think a panpipe rendition of Alanis Morisette's You Oughtta Know would probably hit the right note

That was very good. What about table hoggers and asking for money in wedding invitations.

Good point Viv - just realised we also need a line for complaints about soft play indiscretions. Perhaps just one to complain about the entitled and grabby should do it?

Feak maybe Dizzee Rascals bonkers would be appropriate?

Nothing about loo brushes though?

What's that about loo brushes. I've not seen a thread on that yet. What a joy to look forward to or should I do a search.