to be scared

[luisgarcia]

With our first we were told he will arrive in a few minutes, we're not giving you painkillers because he'll be here before they kick in. This will be a fun song to be born to. Any second now.

For 6 hours.

#2 is 3 months away. midwife is coming to meet me in a few days. aibu to want her to understand what happened was wrong and unacceptable and to expect her to deal with it?

Awww good luck. Don't get yourself all worked up, every pregnancy and delivery is different.

You are not being unreasonable. Unless you were fully dilated for six hours and/or pushing they could have given you something even if it wasn't the epidural. You should speak to your midwife about it but know that she probably won't be the one dealing with you in active labour so write it in your birth plan and show it to everyone you meet on the ward the midwives.

I have three children and had three very different labours. YANBU and she should be able to reassure you. Congratulations and good luck.

I had similar concerns after a really horrible experience first time round (it still upsets me 3 years on). I hired a doula in the end because I needed to know someone would be there to stand up for me and make sure the mws respected my wishes. Dc2's birth was an amazing experience for all the right reasons thanks to my lovely doula, is that something you would consider?

I think the first time around you tend to defer to their advice. Well, I did, and like you, I regretted it big time. Second time, I had no hesitation in making my demands. Like, epidural right now, please, thanks and no messing! Good luck.

I had a fool of a community mw who I was very relieved to have found out had retired since tell me that my baby would "be born by morning!" at 4am before sending me in. 8 hours and a 4 hour second stage, failed ventouse and emcs later dd was finally out. And 3 days after that foolish community mw asked me if I'd consider a home birth next time

This pregnancy I've had counselling with a specialist mw and I'll be having an elcs. Would you consider going through your old notes with a counsellor and/or consultant to make a plan for this delivery?

Well, as gently as possible - no, I don't think you should expect the mw to deal with it. This is your body, your baby, your labour. So you need to deal with it. Take charge! By all means ask the mw to support you in that, but be prepared to help yourself. Can you organise a debrief going through last labour notes? Labours can be very different so understanding why it took longer than expected might not change how you approach this labour, but it may help you feel more informed, and back in control. Then consider a hypnobirthing type course (or even just read the book if it's too much £ - it really is worth investing in, if you can though). Especially look at the idea of 'fear release' to help you get rid of the scary feelings you have now.
I'm sorry last time has left you scared, it's such a big thing to go through. But you CAN work on those feelings now, and prepare yourself. I have read that rating of birth experience one year on, is less to do with how 'easy' labour was, and how much a woman felt in control.
Think about your choices, write a birth plan, make sure your partner knows what you want, and how to advocate for you.
Good luck!

I meant to say, dc2's birth was much easier, faster and less painful and I have heard loads of mums of more than 1 say the same. Yanbu to be scared though, definitely talk to your mw about it and get her to back you up.