Am I or is he?

[UncomfortableOne]

If your partner often went out by himself with a group of friends, which you were fine with, would you feel uncomfortable if you found one of the friends (happily married apparently) got off with someone on the last night out?

Especially if your partner hadn't thought to mention it so you heard it through the grapevine?

I wouldn't like that at all. Have you mentioned it to him?

Yes I would feel uncomfortable. No idea how you should deal with it though.

My eyebrows would be very raised next time I saw that friend.

If DH hadn't told me, I would take it he didn't want me telling the friends wife.

I wouldn't be concerned about DH's behavior. His friends do all sorts of things (positive and negative)he never would.

err yes. you could say i mentioned it. He just didn't see what the problem was. Also on that night, it was clear someone had been flirting with him.

he's gone out again tonight (previously arranged) and was very much 'well I haven't done anything wrong so I'm not sure what the problem is?'

how can i get across to him how i feel?

erm, tell him? explain it carefully to him? How do you feel btw? are you pissed off because he didn't tell you (in which case how do you know? is your "source" relaible or just gossip?) or worried that he might have been unfaithful somehow?

I wouldn't like it, but that's because I would feel bad for the wife and in a horrible position, not because I think it would me think dh was likely to do anything wrong.

Thanks Pom. I was pretty clear before, he was just dismissive. I was pissed off he hadn't told me, and it made me feel uncertain - not about him but just about how the evenings go.

He's sent me an apology text now - he gets where I'm coming from - so obviously what i was saying sank in.

It's the 'What goes on Tour stays on tour mentality' some blokes have. They think nothing of protecting their friend in being exposed for inappropriate behaviour even if they wouldn't consider doing it themselves.