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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

potty training is the hardest thing to do.

39 replies

McHappyPants2012 · 23/03/2012 00:05

Plan of action:- booked the time off work notify nursey and then crack ahead with it.

DD is ready, uses the potty or toilet but come tuesday when i am in work it always sets he back.

so iabu to think potty training is the hardest thing to do

OP posts:
ChaosTrulyReigns · 23/03/2012 00:06

YABU.

Smile
IAmBooyhoo · 23/03/2012 00:13

YABU

we're doing it right now and it's a doddle.

this is what happens, ds wakes up and pees in his jammoes before he is fully awake, he yells "mummy peeeeeeee" so i come in and say "take your jammies off and we'll get you washed" rest of the day can be hit and miss, sometimes he goes in the toilet, sometimes in his pants. neither is a big deal. we have a million pairs of pants and a washing machine, the floors are wipeable. it's very easy. it just depends how you look at it. is it a bad thing that he pees in his pants or is it just part and parcel of having a toddler? for me i totally expected it, i totally expected it to happen often and i totally prepared myself for it. dont set your expectations too hight and you wont find yourself frustrated anywhere near as much.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/03/2012 00:18

she does get it, tells me and have a few day with very little accident, but as soon as she goes to nursery it goes to pot

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 23/03/2012 00:22

are the nursery following the same strategy (cant think of a better word Confused) as you are? at ds's nursery they ask them ever half an hour at the start of potty training to go to the toilet and see if they need to do a wee. what do they do at her nursery?

IAmBooyhoo · 23/03/2012 00:24

also remember that at nursery there are way more distractions than at home. it can be very easy for children to get engrossed in what they are doing and the staff ratios aren't 1:1 like at home so staff might miss the signs that she is ready to go.

Hopandaskip · 23/03/2012 00:26

YABU. My friend's son was doing drugs and ran away from home. I reckon I'd rather potty train a toddler than deal with that.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/03/2012 00:27

to be fair it is not the nursery, it is DD.
she will use the potty with me, but no one else

OP posts:
Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/03/2012 00:29

Hopandaskip i hope your friend is ok

OP posts:
totallypearshaped · 23/03/2012 00:32

We found it really difficult.
ONLY because DD got a fright when doing a poop, and from then on held them in.
OMG longest three months in history.

My advice - get a bottle of syrup of figs and make sure to give half a spoon every day for the initial few weeks. From my experience if there is only one uncomfortable tough poop it can put them off.

Also, don't get hung up on the result - potty training is all about the process - get an egg timer and go to the potty every 30 minutes from every room in the house, so your LO knows how to get there on his own.

Good luck.

IAmBooyhoo · 23/03/2012 00:32

she will come round. i know it doesn't seem like it now but i promise you she wont be wetting her pants at her friends' houses when she is 13 Grin. giver her time, she will get to a point where she forgets that she only does it for you and will just go with whoever she is with. some children take longer than others, some regress and some dont, somne have little quirks like only going in certain toilets or for certain people, some only go to the toilet for pees but not poos but mostly they all get it eventually. i know it can be tiresome when it takes longer than you expected but it really does help to have pretty much no expectations. i know people do it in a week/fortnight/whatever but i think putting a timescale on it equals putting pressure on her. she doesn't understand that you have a timescale and can only go as quickly as her brain is letting her.

IAmBooyhoo · 23/03/2012 00:34

totally try six months with my ds1! hence the no expectations at all with ds2 Grin. he is getting it far quicker and no stressy mummy either.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/03/2012 00:45

it is soo frustrating, she knows what to do

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 23/03/2012 00:56

but shes not ready to do it for anyone but you yet. you have to let her dictate the pace at which she progesses otherwise you risk creating an issue where non needs to exist. trust me i've been there with ds1. lesson learned. ds2 dances to his own beat and he is a happy chappy with no toilet hang ups. ds1 had issues for sometime even after he was fully trained. and it wasn't enjoyable for him or me while training was happening.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/03/2012 01:01

i think i will have to relax, with DC1 i was on maternity leave so potty training was easier this time i think i have put a time frame on it, i understand now that i may be giving her issues about potty training.

not going to cancel the time off, but enjoy being at home with both DC

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 23/03/2012 01:10

yep, just enjoy the time, dont set any targets for what you want her to have acheived by the end of the week. just follow her lead. i rememer with my ds1 i would ask the nursery staff how many 'accidents' ds had had that day. now with ds2, i dont bother. if there was a massive regression they would tell me but other than that it doesn't really matter how many times he peed in his pants (i dont call them accidents anymore, they aren't accidents, just what he has been used to doing for the last 3 years, it's me that has changed the rules).

Hopandaskip · 23/03/2012 01:16

thank you for the concern, he is doing much better now :))

really though, this will pass, one day she will just 'get' it. My friend's daughter is four and FINALLY cracked it. I thought my friend was going to go spare.

She won't go to university without learning it!

rogersmellyonthetelly · 23/03/2012 06:33

Just keep repeating the mantra "this too shall pass" I remember training ds was a total nightmare as he was at nursery 2 days and my mothers 1 day, he had the most accidents at my mums, and this from the woman who allegedly had me and my sisters in pants by 18m!

valiumredhead · 23/03/2012 09:23

How long have you been 'training?'

It took ds 6 months to get to be properly reliable without pull ups.

ReallyTired · 23/03/2012 09:36

McHappyPants2012 how old is your dd? It must feel frustrating that she will only use the toilet with you.

I think that some children take to potty training easily, but other children struggle for one reason or another. Its not necessarily anything to do with the training style.

peskimo · 23/03/2012 09:38

Booyhoo s advice is great. I've potty trained 2 dc's so far and i'm going to do ds3 this summer when its warm and washing can dry quick and he can run around in the noody if he likes, he'll be 18 months then, same age the other two were.

The main thing is not to stress about it, get your head round the fact that its going to be messy but fun, like fingerpainting! get into it, be positive and smily and it'll happen quicker, and without any resulting complexes that your child will need therapy for when they grow up Wink.

Remember though that children can still have accidents when they are 5 or 6 or 7 or older - it doesn't mean they aren't potty trained. If they are able to recognise the urge and go use the potty or toilet, thats a success. Good Luck!

Dinosaurdrip · 23/03/2012 09:44

We are having the same problem here, ds2 has no accidents while at home or out and about but on the 2 days he goes to nursery he will. I just figure that it is just because it's busier there and he gets engrossed in the computer or such activities. he also doesn't have me or DP to constantly remind him and ask if he needs to go.

I am not worried though as I know he'll get it eventually as ds1 was exactly the same.

mycarscallednev · 23/03/2012 09:45

If you can't crack in 4 days or so, leave it, and try again another time. Bladder and bowel control is different for every child, can regress through growth spurts and change of routine. Unless there is a neorological issue - which won't be tested for before they are 5 anyway - it's just down to the body and brain switching onto the feeling of the detruser muscle telling them it's time to go.

It's not a race [despite what all the books and others say], it'll happen, but unless you dehydrate a child so that they have nothing to wee with, they cannot be forced until they are physically ready.

Don't stress, it's a time thing - and the summer is a great time to have less to take off and undo in order to get there, so if it's not happening - just wait.

CrunchyFrog · 23/03/2012 09:51

I didn't get it right until DC3.

DD I started too soon, with a new baby in the house, and it took months.

DS1 has ASD. At the CM instigation, we started training him at 2. At 4, I put him back in nappies because we had all had enough. Amazingly, his behavioural issues instantly halved. By the time he was 5 he was dry in the day, at 6 he is now dry and clean 99% of the time in the day and 50% of the nights.

DS2 came downstairs one morning aged 2.5, announced that he no longer wore nappies, and has had no accidents at all. He's never used a potty. He has taken himself to the loo since day 1, no help at all. Nobody had mentioned it to him (after experience with his brother, I was not going to even attempt trying until he instigated it.) I am still a bit Shock at him actually.

Basically, if it's hard work, I would give up and try again in another while. Grin

lostboysfallin · 23/03/2012 09:53

ime, it's not the hardest thing to do
you are overthinking it.

good idea to relax about it, enjoy your time off

can you take her potty into nursery?

DeWe · 23/03/2012 10:14

Depends on the child. Grin

Dd1 was told by an older friend at 22 months that she was a baby because she wore nappies. She was dry the next day with hardly an accident. We told people she was trained by a 3yo, so it must be easy. Wink

All mine were easy at just before 2yo, led by themselves. However some children are very difficult to train, and if you've had one of those I imagine it does feel a huge mountain to climb. Some children are just not interested in doing it at any age.