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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say something to the teacher

21 replies

99luftballoon · 08/02/2012 17:16

DD 10 is having problems with her best friend. Her friend is stealing things from people and school. Her friend arrived back last week at our house with a cuddly toy which DD said she took from a class mate's pocket. Her friend told me she had found it in the yard until DD told me otherwise. She took some figures from another classmates board game on toy day and planted them on DD. Now her friend is stealing things and is trying to plant things on DD or is threatening to tell the teacher that DD took them.

I do not want to be a snitch but I feel like I need to pre-empt things by saying something to the teacher. There is an open night coming up where I could say something. I would be horrified if DD was accused of something she did not do as she has special needs and can easily be taken advantage of.

I would tell her parents but they will do nothing about it :(

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Whenisitmysleepytime · 08/02/2012 17:20

Tell the teacher. I'm a teacher and would be fine with you telling me. It'd probably clear up a lot of suspicion/ telling takes etc. then the teacher can talk to the child and parents.

It wastes so much time when stuff gets pinched and you try and get to bottom of it.
I'd tell teacher ASAP if it was me.

Flisspaps · 08/02/2012 17:21

I wouldn't wait until open night. I'd call tomorrow.

OnlyWantsOne · 08/02/2012 17:22

Call and tell as soon as you can Smile

TheresASpareChairOverThere · 08/02/2012 17:24

Agree with others, call tomorrow and give this info to teachers.

CakeMixture · 08/02/2012 17:25

I would say something tommorrow morning too

fivesacrowd · 08/02/2012 17:30

Please tell teacher as soon as you can - would be horrible for your dd to be accused of something she hasn't done. The teacher can then deal with the situation and nip it in the bud. Good luck

Original poster
99luftballoon · 08/02/2012 17:33

I will make an appt. I don't know how to put it. Will the teacher let on that I said something or do you think they will keep an eye on it.

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mumofbumblebea · 08/02/2012 18:44

another teacher here. i would say something quietly to the teacher but i bet she already knows who is behind it. teachers tend to know the children in a class very well and are not biased like parents so can always tell who has done it even if there is no proof. i'd be a bit more concerned about how this could affect your daughters other friendships though if this girl is being a bit sneaky and lying about your daughter doing/taking things and that needs addressing.

mumofbumblebea · 08/02/2012 18:45

the teacher won't let on. they will just keep an eye on her till they catch her red-handed, which they probably have already!

Original poster
99luftballoon · 08/02/2012 18:49

I know it is so complicated. DD gets a bit obsessive with friends and she is sticking up for her friend.

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TidyDancer · 08/02/2012 18:54

You definitely need to say something. It's not about 'snitching', it's about acting in your DD's best interests. If she was to be accused of stealing at a later date and you hadn't said anything, anything you say to the teacher at that point would risk being seen as a defensive mother protecting her child.

Saying something now is the right thing to do.

Original poster
99luftballoon · 08/02/2012 18:56

Would the teacher normally have a word with the parents or wait for the suspicions to be confirmed?

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mumofbumblebea · 08/02/2012 19:10

when i've been told similar things by parents, i have waited till i've seen something myself because you have to be careful that you are not seen as "picking on" a child. if this is something that has been happening frequently, i bet they've already caught her and are probably already talking to parents (not that they could tell you that though, so don't expect them to say anything if this is the case). if they believed it was your daughter, you would have heard about it by now.

Original poster
99luftballoon · 09/02/2012 09:46

Thanks for advice. We have a meeting after school today with teacher. Still feel like a snitch, but I think it will not only protect dd but maybe help intervene with her friend's behavior before her stealing escalates.

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TroublesomeEx · 09/02/2012 10:54

The teacher won't say anything to the parents until they have concrete evidence themselves.

They won't mention you or your daughter.

Good luck this evening. Don't feel like a 'snitch', you are being a responsible parent and an adult.

Original poster
99luftballoon · 09/02/2012 17:19

The teacher was extremely receptive and thankful. It seems we may have just added another piece to the jigsaw, IYSWIM.

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Shallishanti · 09/02/2012 17:22

good that you told her- a child who is behaving like that is probably not very happy

OriginalJamie · 09/02/2012 17:25

99 - I don't understand why you keep using the term "snitch". Showing concern for your child and another isn't being a snitch. It sort of annoys me a bit because children pick up the message that they shouldn't tell adults when things are happening to them for fear of being a tell-tale. Adults should be giving the message that you must tell when bad things are happening. As you did

Sorry, rant over!

Original poster
99luftballoon · 09/02/2012 17:30

I totally understand about the snitch thing. It is just I was bought up that way, and my mum was horrifed that I was saying anything to the teacher. We had a row over it this morning, but as far as I am concerned dd comes first, and if we can help her friend get sorted, that is even better

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 09/02/2012 17:34

Exactly - children don't do bad things because they are bad. Very often something is troubling them and that needs addressing for their sake.

Original poster
99luftballoon · 09/02/2012 17:39

I know there is something more to this, and feel relieved I have said something...

I know DD's friend is not a bad child, she is lovely.

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