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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or just extra hormonal about what fil said...

22 replies

salempickles · 03/02/2012 10:38

20 weeks pregnant and had my 2nd scan yesterday, myself and my oh took the scan pic round to his parents last night, i went straight into the toilet while he sat down, i overheard fil saying wow its a big one isnt it , must take after its mum, ah the little hippo !

i walked in just as he said the last part and stood there looking at him asking if he wanted to take on a hormonal pregnant women with a timebomb temper and he immediately backtracked saying oh he didn't mean it like that. then spent the rest of the night telling me to eat my tea up, i was wasting away etc etc.

for what its worth im 5 foot 5 size 12-14 and didnt realise he saw me as dramatically obese, he has issues with his other dil who is around the same size as me too i just never thought id hear him say it about me though, he thinks anyone over 8 stone has an eating problem, hes tiny so he must compare everyone to himself. Im still fuming now though i know im hormonal too but just upset that dp never said anything to stand up for me, i had to do it myself!

OP posts:
MateyMooo · 03/02/2012 10:40

we take the inlaws out for sunday lunch every sunday, usually to a carvery and FIL ALWAYS comments about how much other people pile on thier plates.....very loudly!

ignore him, he's probably senile, and you can look forward to picking his care home! Wink

aldiwhore · 03/02/2012 10:40

I THINK you may have been being U.

Hippo to me means fat, unattractive and dangerous. Hippo to your FIL may well mean obviously rounder due to be pregnant, beautiful and dangerous!

He wasn't being very sensitive, does he ever call you fat any other time? (when not pregnant!)

It sounds like he felt bad, getting you to eat more, silly fool. Go easy on him and well done for saying something at the time. Let it go now.

Original poster
salempickles · 03/02/2012 10:44

Thats just it though im hardly showing, im still in my own clothes at 5 months pregnant and have only recently had to open the top button on my pants in work, he has said other things though once when coming down the stairs with his other dil, he shouted up it was like a herd of elephants coming down the stairs.

My dad said this to me and my br when we were younger and it was fine he said it in a jokey way, fil though always has to comment on peoples weight constantly. when he first met my nan he said hi then said to me later wow shes a big girl isnt she! think ill have to put it down to an old man with no manners and i will indeed look forward to picking his care home, 1 run by a load of rolypolys would be his hell Smile

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 03/02/2012 10:51

Thinking of it, my own FIL would think nothing of refering to average sized people as big girls.. I honestly don't think there's an intent to hurt there (especially as my dear late MIL was HUGE) still annoying though!

MeconiumHappens · 03/02/2012 20:17

Cheeky bastard! YANBU. I hope your death stare did the trick.

AgentZigzag · 03/02/2012 20:25

My really good friend called me 'fatty' and 'piggy' when I was pregnant with DD2.

I'm neither when I'm not pregnant, but that 'side of a house' feeling is horrible and can make you a bit more sensitive to other peoples foot in mouth remarks.

You're not being unreasonable, but it sounds like he tried to make it up to you afterwards and that's the main thing to me (I love your 'asking if he wanted to take on a hormonal pregnant women with a timebomb temper' Grin fucking scary shit Grin)

Put it down to him being an idiot.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 03/02/2012 20:37

I would have said you where being a little hormonal at first, but then I read that he has issues with his other DIL and what he said in your second post. He is horrid, my FIL is an opinionated git sometimes but wouldn't dare say anything like that.

NeedlesCuties · 03/02/2012 20:51

Get your DH to have a word with him.

Calling a pregnant woman a hippo is rude rude rude!

MonkeyTastic · 03/02/2012 23:37

You are Beautiful.

Hippo's are Beautiful.

Pregnant ladies are Beautiful.

Therefore you are doubly Beautiful!

Nay! Three times Beautiful! Congratulations on your pregnancy!!! Grin

lurkinginthebackground · 03/02/2012 23:51

I think he was totally out of order.
Calling someone a hippo is not a compliment, how can it be?

How rude. I would tell your dp that you think his father is a rude old twat tbh.

I would also be thinking up an array of insults to throw straight back at him. Is he married? if not why not did his wife leave him by any chance?
I would go along the lines of "Yes I may be fat according to you, but at least I won't be a lonely old f*** unlike you, will I when I die."

There again I don't let anyone throw insults at me lightly, they always come off worse, strange how it makes them shut the fuck up.

JuluLu · 04/02/2012 05:19

ignore him, he's probably senile, and you can look forward to picking his care home!

That is seriously mean! Shock

Ilovedaintynuts · 04/02/2012 07:19

It sounds like he does have a problem with anyone a bit fuller figured. Some people do.
He was rude. Unfortunately people talk about other people behind their backs all the time and we aren't supposed to hear it Smile
All my in-laws are larger folk. Their other son married someone so thin they are still talking about it 9 years later. They cannot get past it. How bloody nasty is that? I fit in because I'm a bit fat. People are horrible.
Stop caring what he thinks. He's the one with the problem not you.
Enjoy your pregnancy Smile

Nagoo · 04/02/2012 08:28

Aaah come on, julu what's a little meanness when you're cheering up a pregnant lady :)

He's an unlikely MNer. :)

redstormrising · 04/02/2012 08:35

I think your FIL was bang out of line and I do not blame you for being upset and hurt. What did your dh say? I am also about your height and 12-14 and when I was first pg my Dfather said that I would 'be even more like a tellytubby' which really upset me too. I have long had a struggle with my weight based on comments like that when i was a child and it has really affected me. I know people say shrug it off, and it may be that you have to do that in the real life world, but to be honest I just think comments about ANY body's weight, especially a pregnant woman is just totally bloody unacceptable. So I am fuming really on your behalf. Congrats on the pregnancy though!

Animation · 04/02/2012 08:41

Cheeky buggar - you did right!!

Hey and don't put yourself down - calling yourself hormonal. He needed putting in his place. Pregnant or not.

Original poster
salempickles · 04/02/2012 08:52

Ahh thanks everyone, my oh knows exactly how i feel about his dad, he can be lovely sometimes but its a rare thing. hes of the generation where he comes home from work and expects his tea on the table by dp's mum. drives me mad the way she runs after him, the same way she ran after dp and his brother till their late 20's, cleaning their room, cooking and washing etc. Its taken me a long 10 years to teach my oh to do really basic things around the home. if we go to the pub with them its women on 1 side and men on the other, really old fashioned, but he can be controlling with it, other dil refuses to go anywhere with him, Im due in june and hes trying to coax dp into going on a stag night with him the end of june and just wont listen to him when he says no he wont be going (he also knows that if he did, it would be the last thing he did thanks to my timebomb temper!)

I did see fil try to make his own tea once tho when mil refused, he was only trying to defrost some prawns in the sun, his face was a picture cos he really hasnt a clue. As someone else mentioned all his family is really slim, he must weigh around 7 stone himself so anyone over that to his is obese. I doubt very much he will change but i like someone else's advise, think ill stock up on insults ready to fling at him as and when, starting with his tightness, he currently wears 2 pairs of £land glasses (and has done since last jan) cos hes waiting till may when hes 60 and will get an eye test for free!!!

OP posts:
ithaka · 04/02/2012 09:04

My MIL is like this. In her case, her one achievement in life is being thin and she loves to cricticise anyone who isn't. You could discover a cure for cancer, but if you were a touch tubby in her eyes you will still be beneath her.

She has been a housewife all her life, so apart from her children, being thin is her only accomplishment. It is sad.

I happened to be slim, which has always annoyed her as she can't lord it over me for my weight. However, she did get in the odd dig about my size when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. I found it easy to ignore, but it does mean I have always disliked the woman (as do most people).

Alligatorpie · 04/02/2012 09:30

I would be upset too. I hope your dh stood up for you.

Inertia · 04/02/2012 10:44

At first I thought you were maybe being a tad sensitive if it was a one-off, foot-in-mouth moment, but clearly he makes a habit of it. Well done for calling him on it - he perhaps needs to be shown that his hurtful comments are directed at real people with feelings.

I don't think flinging insults back and losing your temper will help though- he sounds as though the stock MN response of "Wow, FIL, that was very rude", might be enough to stop him in his tracks. Losing your temper might make him (and the people around him) lose sight of the fact that he caused offence in the first place.

bleedingheart · 04/02/2012 10:48

YANBU

He has issues with weight and how to behave in a civil manner.

ENormaSnob · 04/02/2012 10:53

yanbu

Hippo is not a good word to describe anyone, let alone someone who is pregnant.

AKissIsNotAContract · 04/02/2012 10:58

YANBU, he sounds like a douchebag.

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