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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to follow my maternal instinct..

11 replies

lolaflores · 24/10/2011 16:07

DD1 has a boyfriend at uni. He is in 3rd year, she is in 1st. They know each other from home. This weekend, a fight erupted, there was drink taken, he threw her out of his flat at 1am, calling her a slag. She made it home on her own. Frankly, I do not know what caused the fight or what was said. What I am furious about is his behaviour and her being left on the street in a town she does not know very well.

so, do i go round and ask for his version of event? I realise that I was not witness to it, but am fuming at the outcome. they have had run in's before. And yes, she witnessed certain unsavoury behaviour between me and her dad. Am I the cause of this? Am I projecting my own guilt?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 24/10/2011 16:10

I think you should stay out of it and just be there for her.

No good ever comes of interfering in relationships really...even though you love her so you obviously won't think of it as interfering.

As for you being the cause of it, I doubt it as all relationships have their ups and downs...it's hard to say though really.

LorelaisMommy · 24/10/2011 16:10

How well would she take the interference? (sp, I know!) I know I would have been well pissed at my mom for speaking to my boyf....
Anyhoo, I would be unhappy and sympathetic to your DD, but other than give her some advice, I would stay out of it.

AgentZigzag · 24/10/2011 16:11

I wouldn't advise going round to get his version of events, because it's nothing to do with you.

I mean that in the nicest way, and can totally understand the temptation to act like a lioness and rip him to shreds for acting like that towards your DD, but it's not for you to sort it.

Just be there when she needs you with lots of sympathetic head nodding and chocolate.

Splinters · 24/10/2011 16:12

She's at university? That means she is an adult. A very young adult, but an adult. Don't go round to see him. Your business is to try to put your own fuming aside, and to listen to your daughter whenever she wants to speak to you, and to support her in making her own decisions about her safety and her future.

Original poster

lolaflores · 24/10/2011 16:14

by the way, her dad is ex. has been for some time. does that kind of emotional atmosphere lead to all this sort of shit. I know she would go wild if I went anywhere near him. That is for certain. THe utter little shit. I just want her to get the message to stay clear. he rang her the next day as if nothing had happened.

OP posts:

fuzzynavel · 24/10/2011 16:14

I'd be fuming too Lolaflores. He sounds like a total arse.

Don't think you could really go round and ask although I'm sure I'd want to have to hold myself back.

What sort of run-ins have they had in the past?

Original poster

lolaflores · 24/10/2011 16:17

he has promised to give her lift back to uni, not contacted her. she rings him up and his already back at uni and then a load of flannel about his phone out of power etc etc. I told her then to leave well alone....however. he seems to my mind a nasty little shit with no respect or even common manners. In reality, I want to kick his head in.

OP posts:

fuzzynavel · 24/10/2011 16:21

In size 10 DM's even though you're a size 6

Sister is having this problem at the moment with her daughter and a runt of a bf.

She sent her on a 3 month trip only for her to come back in 2 weeks and straight back into his controlling arms.

All you can do is talk to her and maybe little by little it will sink in.

AgentZigzag · 24/10/2011 16:23

When you say 'does that kind of emotional atmosphere lead to all this sort of shit' are you asking whether your DD is being drawn to that type of relationship because she sees it as the norm?

If you are, I would say it wouldn't necessarily contribute, because sometimes you find people will do the opposite and steer well clear so a cycle of it doesn't begin.

He was bang out of order leaving her stranded at 1am, but how much of his normal brain functioning was skewed by drink? (your DDs as well?)

And some teenagers fight/make up/fight/make up constantly, not nice for a parent to watch, but apart from the locking out, I would say it sounds quite normal.

As does your reaction.

AgentZigzag · 24/10/2011 16:23

'In reality, I want to kick his head in.'

I'd be the fucking same!

Original poster

lolaflores · 24/10/2011 16:32

I wear size 4 bovver boots, and shout "fee fi fo fum, I gonna kick an assholes bum" as I stomp around in a very big display of unhappy momma bear. Agree that drink is an awful fuel in any arguement. wish they wouldn't. deep sigh

OP posts:

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