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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to keep giving DS2 a £1 here and there

26 replies

Dee03 · 23/10/2011 13:43

Hi...this is my first post, just feel I need to a have a whinge about the constant demands from my ds2 for money!
I have 3 dc, all boys 9,12 and 14 and I'm a single parent who works part time being supervisor of a pre-school...money is tight!!
They each get £3 a week in their hands...to do with as they wish, now my DS2 is always out and about with mates...today I gave him an extra £1 as he was going up local skatepark...but he's just come home and said that him and 2 mates are off to another skatepark and can he have more money!!!
Y do I feel so unreasonable for saying No!

I can't keep dishing out pounds here and there and he knows this but I do feel bad as his mates will have money for drinks etc and my DS won't! I've told him he needs to manage his money better!

Don't know what answers I'm expecting but just wanted to have a moan really......

OP posts:
Beamur · 23/10/2011 13:46

You give them money, they must appreciate that money is tight in your family, so fair enough to ask, but you're right to refuse to give what you can't afford. They do need to learn to manage the money they have.

valiumredhead · 23/10/2011 13:51

Explain that his pocket money has to cover trips to the skate park. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it , that's a fact not being unresonable.

Original poster
Dee03 · 23/10/2011 13:52

Usually they r very good about money as been a sp for past 8 years but as they r getting older it's becoming harder not to feel bad as I constantly hear " so and so gets £10 a week" or "so an so gets given a fiver everytime he goes to skatepark"...

OP posts:
SquelchyBodyParts · 23/10/2011 13:53

You're the parent, you don't have the cash to give him, he doesn't have the cash...simple!

talkingnonsense · 23/10/2011 13:56

It is hard though especially as he is too young to get a job himself, and his friends may be too young to understand that peoPle have different financial restraints. But, where is his dad? Is he paying support/ providing pocket money? Could ds2 plan for a job when he is older? Could he sensibly do any chores that wOuld save you money and therefore earn that way?

bigTillyMint · 23/10/2011 13:59

YANBU - DD gets £5 a week for her social life and she has to make it lastGrin

Why does he "need" an extra £1 - what soes he "need" to buy? More sweets/crisps/crap?Grin

Weetabixchanger · 23/10/2011 14:01

Do they charge for using skateparks in your area??? That's outrageous, ours our like public parks, where you just go along.

gordyslovesheep · 23/10/2011 14:02

YANBU - I am in the same boat - mine are female and younger but the damends are the same. Mine also get £3 a week every Sat - I explain that we are skint and it's tough - it's hard sometimes and I feel a bit mean but then they also get money spent on them for riding lessons, swimming, birthday parties (friends - including gifts etc) plus school trips ... so they just have to lump it x

Original poster
Dee03 · 23/10/2011 14:04

Talkingnonsense- thanks! Ds dad hasn't been on scene for 8-9 years...he pays £6.67 a week for ds1 and ds2!!!! Don't even get me started on that subject Grin

I know it's as easy as if I haven't got it he can't have it but just wanted a moan as it just seems at weekends/ half terms all I hear is "have u got any money?"

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 23/10/2011 14:04

At 12 could he earn any money himself? Weeding for an elderly neighbour? Washing cars? We got a leaflet through our door from a local teenager last year offering to do light house work, reading etc. I was impressed with her creativity in thinking of ways to make her own money.

Original poster
Dee03 · 23/10/2011 14:07

No they don't charge for skatepark but he wants extra money for drinks/ sweets and general crap Grin

Eldest 2 also have contract mobiles and go to youth clubs etc so I know they r lucky in that respect. The pocket money only really started a month or so ago

OP posts:
SquelchyBodyParts · 23/10/2011 14:09

Agree with ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged, if he wants a bit of spare cash just get him to ask neighbours if they have any jobs they need doing. The children round here often come and ask if we want the car washing, for a couple of quid. I think it is enterprising and I respect them for wanting to earn money rather than getting it off parents.

GypsyMoth · 23/10/2011 14:12

Could he earn a bit more doing jobs?
I try to buy in cans/bottles of drinks anticipating they will need something. Cheaper in packs from the supermarket than the corner shop

fastweb · 23/10/2011 14:15

We had this.

I got him in the habit of taking something to eat and something to drink with him in his shoulder bum bag thingie.

So that way he can fork out only if it is exciting group snack buying, like a slice of pizza or something.

One other trick was to make a note of every extra whinge for cash/buy me something and knock 25eurocents of next weeks pocket money.

He only lost 50 cents before he stopped asking.

Miraculously enough it seems to have started some savings going on as well.

Hope that bit lasts.

He is 11 though, so maybe adjust stratagy for age if not appropriate.

Original poster
Dee03 · 23/10/2011 14:16

I do keep a supply of drinks here but I suppose it's because his mates always have money that he wants money too

Good idea about earning some extra cash doing some jobs....I'll speak to him about that Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Dee03 · 23/10/2011 14:19

That's a good idea fastweb....hadn't thought of trying that one!
Money just burns a home in his pocket that's the trouble, ds1 is good at saving and ds3 spends his on moshi monster cards Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Dee03 · 23/10/2011 14:19

Burns a hole...not a home!!!!

OP posts:
LineRunner · 23/10/2011 15:03

I have a change jar in the kitchen. I chuck in all my loose change (not pound coins!) in it most days and the DC are welcome to ask if they can have something from that if they are going out with friends.

I also encourage them to take a bottle of tapwater out wherever they go. Much healthier, and free. Smile

I also think that doing odd-jobs or extra chores is a good idea.

colken · 23/10/2011 15:08

Do you have local newsagents? They often employ paper boys who start at 13.

SaffronCake · 23/10/2011 17:02

Sit your kids down all together and tell them:- Everyone's got a budget. Rich people might have a big budget but even theirs is not unlimited. Whether your budget is big or small you need to live within it or you much your whole life up pretty spectacularly. It is really important that they learn how to do this, so you're setting the pocket money budget in stone. They will have (£x-amount) weekly on (weekday) and not a single penny less or more. They have to learn to make the most of it for themselves.

troisgarcons · 23/10/2011 17:12

We went through this - the summer holidays one year were a killer - three children, all with palms out for quid here and there.

Once you add it up - £1.20 each an evening for an ice cream, £1 each for the sweetshop to get a drink , a fiver here and there for pictures...so thats when bank accounts came into play.

Dinner money (£2 a day), mobile top up £10 a month), hair cut money (£8 a month)..... round it off to £80 each per month - and don't come back again.

BarbarianMum · 23/10/2011 17:18

YANBU

Another idea would be to suggest ways to him that he could earn extra money. My bro and I used to wash the neighbors cars for thruppence ha'penny

plupervert · 23/10/2011 17:23

I thought it was either regular pocket money or as-and-when, not both strategies.

amicissima · 23/10/2011 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greenshadow · 23/10/2011 17:49

I think maybe you need to think about letting the older ones, in particular the 14 year old, have a little more. Better to have a set amount than topping it up most weeks.
A 9 year old doesn't have the same needs as a teenager.

Ours have had graded pocket money according to age - 10p per year/a week to start with, then as they got a bit older the 10p per year plus 50p (if that makes sense).
Once they got to about 12 and started going out independently with friends, we upped it to £5 a week.

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