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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bloody hate the school run

14 replies

lamandler · 20/10/2011 10:47

So DS has started nursery school in a class of 26 - he is one of two non siblings. We just moved here recently so I don't know anyone.

Try as I might (and I do) I have never met such a bunch of cliquey, unfriendly people as other mums on the school run! I don't think it's me, I can hold a conversation and haven't two heads, and I have tried to engage in the general chitchat. But they look at me like I am from another planet because I have joined in.

I am not sure I can be arsed, yet I can see that DS would like to have playdates, but urgh - it's like being back at school myself. Is this just how it is? Am I learning the hard lessons that many before me have had to learn?!

OP posts:

Groovee · 20/10/2011 10:49

My dd's nursery class were so friendly, nights out and friendly smiles. It took me 4 years to break into ds's year group's mum's clique and even then I still get left out of nights out. Was gutted to see it on facebook all the pictures and my so called friends had all gone along :-(

minimisschief · 20/10/2011 12:42

why do you assume that just because you have a child and take that child to school that people will want to talk and befriend you?

To them you are a random stranger trying to push yourself into their group. If they do not want a new friend then that is that.

WinkyWinkola · 20/10/2011 12:47

It's hard when people appear so rude. But generally, people are lazy and can't be bothered with newbies.

I wouldn't worry about your DS not getting play dates as a result. It'll all happen in time.

Meanwhile, I wouldn't invest any emotion into those parents at the school gate. Be bright 'n' breezy and nonchalant. They just don't matter.

pleasethanks · 20/10/2011 12:52

Their loss. Don't waste yourself on them. I am sure in time your DS will make his own friends and ask for them to come round on playdates

cuteboots · 20/10/2011 13:36

lamandler-I feel your pain! The best way ive found is to think of it as going to the supermarket. You dont have to talk to anyone there you just go do your shopping and go home. The playdates will happen and my little boy has just started to do this and hes 7. If it wasnt for your child being at school you wouldnt engage with these people. I have cousins who ignore me in the morning as their children go the same school. I used to get really upset but now I think they can bog off...

picnicbasketcase · 20/10/2011 13:40

You don't need to be friends with the parents. Your child will probably make friends with the children anyway. Chill out and ignore them - if they're that rude, are they really worth trying to talk to anyway?

Hardgoing · 20/10/2011 13:40

I think it takes time for the class/parents to warm up and come together a bit, I found early on, people often don't talk or smile, but that's because they are a bit intimidated too or find it difficult. I think it takes a lot of school runs to start saying 'hi' to the same people, perhaps chatting with someone if something happens or at a parent's evening. You are not necessarily looking for best friends, I'm not anyway, but I do like to be pleasant and chat a bit about the children, talk about upcoming events/parties/changes of teacher, just the stuff of life. But it doesn't necessarily happen immediately, my experience is that it gets easier and once the class become a class, people do interact as playdates/parties/school things start cropping up and you get to see them as individuals and not just 'mums on the school run'.

Hardgoing · 20/10/2011 13:43

And, don't join a pre-existing group and try to nod along, find someone also on their own and chat to them a bit. There's plenty of people who aren't in the main groups who may be delighted to talk with someone. I find it a bit sad everyone is saying just run in and run out and don't talk/smile at anyone, I haven't made friends for life but I can say a polite 'hi' to most of the mums and dads in my children's classes and going to the school is not an ordeal for me (as it must be if you keep your eyes down).

duvetdayplease · 20/10/2011 13:49

Hi, I too feel your pain. I've had to accept that they are in a little clique and that's that. I've made an effort to get involved in things at school so as to meet people in a less 'hello can I join in' kind of way. Also there are a lot of parents who are not even present at these drop offs so you are really not the only one outside this clique.

I was ranting about this to DH just the other day - there is one mum who will say hello to me in the street if on her own yet LOOK THE OTHER WAY if with someone else - that's just weird.

Agree about finding someone else - wait for a newbie to turn up!

SomekindofSpanish · 20/10/2011 13:51

Can you ask the mother of the child your DS wants to play with if her child wants to come to play?

The reason why I say this is that my DS2 always asks for a certain boy to come and play but I don't really like his mum and she me (or maybe we just don't really know each other that well). Anyway, this boy has been over twice and although we don't get on as parents, we are always pleasant when arranging these things. And we always acknowledge each other on nights out as well, but it never goes further.

However, DS2 is 6 so it may be easier, but I think if you can join in the conversation, maybe you can ask about playdates.

Marne · 20/10/2011 13:52

I hate the school run too, both dd's started a new school in september and still hardly anyone talks to me in the playground (i must admit i am quite shy so i tend not to aproach people). I'm not overly bothered but it would be nice not to be the only one stood on her own in the playground .

Beamur · 20/10/2011 13:55

This seems horribly common for some people, there are some circles of friends at DD's school but they are friendly enough to other Mum/Dads they come across. I'm just going down the route of smiling and saying 'hello' to anyone.

I think a lot of these cliques are due to having older children, so the friendships are made, they already know each other from those playdates etc and maybe as time is short on the school run people naturally gravitate to those they know and are friendly with.
How about joining the PTA? That way you have the time to get to know people a bit more and break through that barrier.

Marne · 21/10/2011 17:12

Someone spoke to me in the playground today, her ds only started the school a couple months before the dd's did (so she's newish too) . I'm doing the saying 'hi' to people too in hope someone will talk .

MCDL · 21/10/2011 19:45

DD goes to and from school this year on the bus, last year as it was her first so we brought and collected. No more mono syllabel talk with the other mothers just for sake of it. Thank God ! ...

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