you do that again you'll get a smack

[Rollon2012]

I've said that a few times in last weeks, and as soon as it leaves my mouth i'm like :O

pretty much learned rhetoric from my parents even though I dont like smakcing myself, I have done a one finger wrist tap when DS hit me in the eye with a book end. :(

it generally happens when ds if acting up e.g. banging windows, slapping, nipping and if he grins etc and I know he's escalating deliberatley.Then im an even worse oarent becasue I dont want to smack so I dont follow through,

How do you stop things that were drilled by parents crossing over into your parenting??

I say this too but we rarely smack. I've learned to second fuess myself and say 'the naughty step' or 'go to bed' instead but when I'm really angry it just comes out.

*parent

If it stops them doing it again, then they dont get a smack. Sounds perfectly fine to me actually. But I was also brought up by a mum who would give one warning, and if it was disobeyed, I would get a smacked backside. She very very rarely had to do it, because like most kids, I didnt want a slapped bum. That (in my view) is why it is an effective punishment..

I've said that too. They know I don't mean it though so they just laugh at me - which then makes me laugh at myself!

If I'm being serious I'll threaten to ground the 11 year olds (and I will follow through). Also loss of spending money, priveledges etc works with them too.

With the 3 year old I will threaten naughty step or "up to her room until she can behave". Sometimes works, sometimes not. Sometimes she'll just be looking for a reaction though so I just take myself off into a different room which works sometimes too.

Just thought of another threat that does actually work. I say I will tell Xxx from nusery. Xxx obviously knows what she's doing more than I do!

I have never used the naughty step his attention is so short by the time id put him back hed have forgotten why I'd put him there.

I lock him in his pushchair if he is being naughty, he really doesnt like it but he does calm down

You can also threaten to phone father christmas or the pilot who will be flying the plane to take us on holiday. Depending on the time of year.

The pilot phones me regularly as he can't risk having naughty children on the plane as he needs to concentrate on flying.

Yeah naughty steps not great for a major moment is it? Can be impossible actually getting them to stay there. It does get easier once you can start to reason with them though. I'm guessing yours is still quite young?

just 2 yrs NCG

I tend to fine a stern "if you do that again you will NOT like what happens next" (preferably while using 'the eyes') works well.

Funny thing is she has no idea what might happen next as it never gets that far!

I would never say that as I am not a smacker. But I do say, 'if you do that again you will be punished!' but I have no idea what would come next!

I wouldn't say this - ever. I ain't perfect but smacking or threats to smack are not my bag because I disapprove of any physical punishment.
If you don't agree with smacking why threaten it (apart from anything else, talk about a toothless threat)?
Distraction/time out/taking away a favourite toy/sending to bedrooms/naughty step all work sometimes.

I agree with the poster above talking about the threat about nursery. DD is always told that "x" from nursery will be told about her bad behaviour at home, and this seems to get DD in line.

If it stops them doing it again, then they dont get a smack. Sounds perfectly fine to me actually. But I was also brought up by a mum who would give one warning, and if it was disobeyed, I would get a smacked backside. She very very rarely had to do it, because like most kids, I didnt want a slapped bum. That (in my view) is why it is an effective punishment

Absolutely. I would never have grinned at my Mum and carried on being naughty.

My DS thinks I have Father Christmas on speed-dial. Not sure he'll believe me form much longer though....

I do say the if you do this again comment too, no smacks, but it works... Mostly I favour removing his favourite toy, banning access to games etc.

The thing about threatening to smack is that you may have your bluff called, and then you'll be making empty threats if you don't go ahead and do it.

I try very hard not to smack, mainly because I feel SOOO shitty after.

My mum used to hit us all day long, it was water off a ducks back in the end. I doubt it helped control us.
Whereas my Dad just had to speak, not even raise his voice.

Squeaky, I quite agree.

My mum used to hit us all day long, it was water off a ducks back in the end. I doubt it helped control us.
Whereas my Dad just had to speak, not even raise his voice.

other way round with me

Id like to mae clear what this thread is about im asking why do some of us even not agreeing with what our parents drilled into us, seem to emerge with the same opinions when put under stress is it just me?

The problem here is partly that you don't feel you have an effective sanction and partly that you are losing your temper a bit. How old is your DS? Perhaps we can help you find something you would feel more comfortable with. I know what you mean about repeating scripts learned from your parents - I have experienced this a couple of times. But you will feel better in general if you manage not to.

2 yrs old

im generally very passive too so it shocks me

Sorry, I see you have already told us his age.

My DS2 is two and pretty hard work at times too. I find it fairly pointless with him to issue 'threats' as he doesn't seem to care, he's rather do what he wants to do and sod the consequences unlike DS1 who did care. I do a lot of physically removing him from situations.

It's an automatic response. You get those when you're at your limits. To avoid them act before you're at your limits. Establish another form of discipline (naughty step or pushchair or whatever) and employ it earlier. Childhood learning (your own parents threatening to smack you) is deeper ingrained than adult learning but it's not so set in stone it can not be replaced, it just means a bit more effort and repetition. Keep working on it and you will change.

as long as you follow throw with a smack on the bum if the bad behaviour continues thats fine, otherwise its pointless

There are more effective ways to discipline children. However I think its a good sign that the OP realises that she is struggling. We are all human and its good the OP is looking for other ways.

With children under three the naughty step is of limited value. Very few toddlers have the language skills to be reasoned with. With this age group, child proofing the house, use of distraction, completely ignoring the child when badly behaved is more effective. I have found that having an empty travel cot to put a toddler in is more effective than the naughty step. This age children crave attention and would rather have negative attention (ie. a smack) than be ignored.

Its also worth looking at your routine. Children under three are often badly behaved when tired. Prehaps you need to think if your child is over tired, hungry or bored when the misbehave. Small children have a very short attention span and will get bored quickly. CBeebies is useful for the over tired child who will not nap or when you have to get food ready.

The terrible twos are hard, my two year old very hard work.