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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move my children to another nursery

52 replies

susiesmith · 14/10/2011 17:49

I feel really upset with the nursery my children go to to the extent that I am considering trying to move them. My dh thinks I am being unresaonable - what do you think.

My 2 kids go to the most expensive nursery in our area. We used pay about £100 a day nursery fees, it has gone down a bit now the eldest is 3 and gets early years grant. But still expensive. We thought we were paying a lot but getting alot for money. However, I am increasingly not so sure.

I have noticed when I pop in unannonced that my 3 years yr olds group is often watching cartoons on the interactive whiteboard. I mean he watches Tv at home but I am not paying top dollar for him to be babysat by a TV.

(I am aware lots of birthday parties go in the 3 yr olds class that he is not invited to - but as we have not had a birthday party ourselves so I was just thinking you probably have to do one yourself for your child to be invite to others.)

But the final straw for me has come today - and I now just think it is all just a bit cliquey. I newish worker gave us a letter about swimming lessons yesterday. I noticed that it should have been returned by 6th oct, we only got it yesterday. I went in today and said we only got the letter yesterday but we want Louie to do the lessons. We were told the class was full. I really think the letters were given out to the clique first - and particularly the children of staff before us. I even suspect I would never have got the the letter only the new member of staff gave it to me.

I am really angry as feel there was no equality of opportunity - I feel it was dilebrate. I am being unreasonable- should i move my kids? Dh thinks I am overeacting but I dont want to pay a £300 a month more than I would elsewhere to be left out of things.

OP posts:

DoingMyVeryBest · 14/10/2011 17:53

YANBU - I would consider moving if I were in your shoes.

You have several more years at the nursery if your oldest is in the 3 yo group, I'd move somewhere you're happier with.

Expensive, doesn't always mean best - it can sometimes just mean snobby and exclusive...

Original poster

susiesmith · 14/10/2011 17:55

Well yes that is what I am starting to think - snobby and cliquey

OP posts:

DoingMyVeryBest · 14/10/2011 17:59

Not nice either for your little ones to miss out on swimming (and parties) etc because you're not 'in'.

I say go smoewhere normal and nice!

boohoobabywho · 14/10/2011 18:01

susie, please move them.

Original poster

susiesmith · 14/10/2011 18:07

But is it unfair to my kids to unsettle them by moving them to another nursery when they are happy where they are (obviouly at 2 and 3 they dont get the politics of the situations described above). My son only has 2 terms before starting school - is moving him now in his best interest he has been there since 6 months old and mostly we have been happy with it - it has only been in the last few months we have had issues with the use of u tube cartoons on the whiteboard.

OP posts:

sloggies · 14/10/2011 18:10

Another option would be to move them when ds goes to school, and then you are only uprooting one.

Original poster

susiesmith · 14/10/2011 18:11

Also as dh has said they would not even get the opportunity to do swimming lessons at other nurseries - it is just this one is situated within a gym that they have that opportunity.

OP posts:

Original poster

susiesmith · 14/10/2011 18:11

but actually as i have said it is not an opportunity as no places left before we even got the letter!

OP posts:

pugmill · 14/10/2011 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofthreekids · 14/10/2011 18:27

Must confess I have considered 'did that child invite my dc to his / her party?' when sending out invites, particularly for a 2 or 3 year old who isn't yet very good at telling you who they want to invite. Not trying to be cliquey, but you can't invite everyone and that is one way of narrowing it down!

I would be angry about the TV and swimming thing though.

AnotherJaffaCake · 14/10/2011 18:28

It doesn't sound very good putting the children in front of a tv. You could quite easily do that at home, for a lot less money! When DD used to go to nursery she would come home with arms full of paintings and craft pieces she had made, and I'm sure DS will be doing the same when he starts there too.

vincentvangogh · 14/10/2011 18:30

I moved my child away from a nursery where standards had slipped. I wish I'd done it months earlier. Go with your gut feeling.

AKMD · 14/10/2011 18:30

YANBU, I would be very cross. I'd either move them asap or when your DS starts school.

FabbyChic · 14/10/2011 18:37

I would just make a complaint, I'd not unsettle the children.

But I would put in writing the fact that the swimming letter came later than the response due date, and you feel that discrimination exists.

I'd further point out that you are not paying for your children to attend to watch TV but to be actively stimulated by the qualified staff.

Original poster

susiesmith · 14/10/2011 19:09

Fabbychic,

I had considered complaining and indeed I have tonight when picking them up made it clear that I am not pleased about the swimming issue. Putting my complaint in writing to the management of the nursery is something I am also considering (the nuesery is part of a large national chain) but it is a hard decision to make when thinking you are thenleaving your children 8 hours a day with people you have complained about.

OP posts:

breatheslowly · 14/10/2011 20:26

Is there a nursery manager that you could go and have a chat with? Nurseries rely on their good reputation and they need to keep parents happy, so they should respond to a gentle nudge. If they don't then you can escalate it.

I haven't got a clue about birthday parties for 3 year olds, but there isn't anything the nursery could do about that.

Original poster

susiesmith · 14/10/2011 20:35

Oh yes realise that about the parties and we have never had one - so understand ds not being invited but do think there is a party going clique. Also there is a new manager at nursery - which is when the watching of TV on the whiteboard started. While the new manager is lovely her child is also in the nursery class with louie and I heavily suspect he will be doing the swimming lessons - bet his form was back in time!

OP posts:

breatheslowly · 14/10/2011 20:57

With the birthday parties I can easily see how a "clique" could set itself up. My DD is 13 mo and in nursery. I don't know any of the other parents and DD is too young to express her friendships to me. If she was invited to a birthday party it would be lovely as it would be an opportunity to meet other babies and parents, get contact details and invite them over to ours. I obviously would only then have met the parents at that birthday, so would only be able to invite those babies to anything we had. Next thing you know, there is a little group with shared contact details who know each other and anyone not in on the first event wouldn't get a look in. This wouldn't be intentional, just we don't get to meet each other and get each other's contact details.

NeatFreak · 14/10/2011 21:00

I think you should talk to the manager again.

Fwiw, in seven years of using our nursery for two children they have watched tv once- a film one Christmas when most children had already gone home!

bushymcbush · 14/10/2011 21:08

I wouldn't accept the tv watching, especially when you're paying top dollar. It might not be fair to move your eldest child with such a short time left, but couldn't you move your younger ones?

MrBloomsNursery · 14/10/2011 21:15

No, I wouldn't pay that much and expect your child to watch TV, but how do you know it's all the time? I know DD used to watch TV towards the end of the day when it was about 3-4pm and children are going home.

I didn't realise it's bad for 3 year olds not to be invited to birthday parties in nursery...I haven't had a big birthday party for DD yet, and she is going to be 4 this year. She only gets invited to one party a year. Is this bad? I don't see the point in having a birthday party and inviting children from nursery at such a young age when they won't even remember it - I'm planning to start when she starts school. I feel left out now....

Original poster

susiesmith · 14/10/2011 21:28

Yes i am with you on the party situation MrbloomsNursery - we will probably invest in parties when ours start school.

In terms of the Tv - I dropped son off late (as in 9 am ) this morning and the class was all sat on the carpet watching TV. I went to pick him up early (3ish) last week as he had a hospital appointment ad they were all st watching TV.The same about 3 weeks ago when he had last appointment. Also louie has mentioned watching gruffolo and little mermaid - which he has not seen at home.

OP posts:

MrBloomsNursery · 14/10/2011 21:34

Oh, well there's no reason for them to be watching TV at 9am! In DD's nursery they're normally finishing up breakfast and then starting activities in class at that time. I would definitely talk to the manager about this and if she doesn't do anything about it, then move them.

I've found most of the time, the most expensive nurseries aren't always the best.

missmapp · 14/10/2011 21:36

Is there a nursery attached to the school your ds will go to? We moved ds2 to the school nursery in sept ( for a variety of reasons ) he has settled very well, made friends with children he will go to school with and it has saved us a fortune.

afussyphase · 14/10/2011 21:41

You could consider making it known to Ofsted. It will give them the flag that what's actually happening isn't necessarily what the staff told Ofsted is happening, day to day. I would definitely do something about it and make your concerns known to the management. If they are at all reasonable carers they won't take it out on your DC! If you think making these concerns known would affect their care of your DC, that's probably a good reason to pull out, as obviously you then think they are vindictive twits at some level.

As for unsettling ... I've had DD1 (3yo) in two different nurseries now, as well as 1 childminder, and I've dropped by, dropped off late, picked up early many many times and I never ever saw the children watching TV! Also, I was worried about unsettling her with this recent move but she has been just great, taken it all in stride - and we've moved cities, are in a rather dim temporary rental while we wait to buy a house, and she's 'lost' all her old friends and favourite places but she has really been totally fine, made new friends, likes new places, and of course she still has us and her baby sister. Your DC would at least still live in the same place and all, just have a different nursery. And if you're really worried about unsettling them and making them unhappy temporarily, think how much they'll love the 300 quid per month, all added up, if you save it for them when they're older :)

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