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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to want to scream at DH.

18 replies

nothingbyhalves · 11/10/2011 18:38

In a nutshell in the last 10 mins DH has made me want to scream. Firstly his parents want to buy our DTS a fantastic train set for xmas which comes on a table. Lovely idea but we don't have the room for a permenant train set. All i said to dh was to hold fire on telling his parents to buy it so we could look at the dimensions first He said no way he wanted them to have it and he was telling his parents to buy it asap. So much for joint decisions. I do realise i may sound ungrateful here.

Secondly, DTS used to be looked after by mil 1 day a week , but we stopped them going there due to tablets being left around ON FLOOR! Despite us asking repeatedly for them to be stored out of twins reach. There were also other issues of FIL being in and out of hospital, them swearing around kids and refusing on principle to stop, mil giving boys foods we didn't want them to have. Twins now go to sil whom we pay. Today I called mil about something only to hear twins in background. SIL had dumped boys there, DH knew. SIL knows the issues with tablets etc. Just feel like if i hadn't called, i would have never know. The tablets thing is still an issue. we visited on saturday and one twin found a packet of calcium tablets within 15 minutes of us getting there.
Again I know i may sound ungrateful. BUt we do pay SIL.
AIBU?

OP posts:

megapixie · 11/10/2011 18:57

YANBU.

Your dh needs to listen to what your saying about checking dimensions.

Your pils should absolutely not keep tablets within your twins reach. They shouldn't swear in front of them and not feed them food against your whishes if you've made them known.

3littlefrogs · 11/10/2011 19:00

You need to find, and pay, a registered childminder. Pronto.

SnapesMistress · 11/10/2011 19:13

I would be fuming, especially as you pay SIL

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 11/10/2011 20:19

You need to change your childcare arrangements.

How many times has your sil dropped your children off at your pils? apart from the fact that it goes against your wishes, which is grounds enough to make other arrangements - should she really be getting paid when she isn't actually having them?

However, you and your husband need to be a team. You won't get anywhere if you can't agree on things.

Instead of saying no or trying to make the final decision with your husband, why not try this...

ask him for the solutions.

Your parents leave tablets lying around. What will happen if the children take them?

No doubt he will say that his parents are watching and wouldn't let that happen. Is he sure? 100% sure? Bet your kids life sure? Because if he's wrong and your child eats a packet of pills...

Train set. What is his solution. Where does he suggest it goes? How is it going to fit there without being in the way?

Instead of being the one saying no - put it back on him. Make him show you how it can all work.

Does he agree with you that the swearing is a problem? What is his suggestion?

Does he agree with you about the food? What is his suggestion?

When you try to be the one who has the final say, whose word is law - you alienate people. You need agreement between you and your husband. Consensus.

mumsamilitant · 11/10/2011 20:25

Firstly boys will be boys about a train set, they will MAKE it fit.

Bit concerned about pills being left around, how old are the grandparents? I have to say though that my ds used to go to grannys and was told not to touch the pills she had out on her table and he didnt, was never an issue.

You may be paying your SIL to have your off-spring but how much? Is it the going rate? She is bound to go and see the grandparents etc.

As for the grandparents giving your children what they shouldn't it, its their right in my opinion.

All this equals you having to go and pay for a childcare service.

So, yes you are sort of being unreasonable.

rhondajean · 11/10/2011 20:34

Noone has the right to feed your children food you are unhappy with!!!

If train set is not practical for your home, then you need to be firm, its a shame but I had similar with my own DM, she wanted to buy DDs rocking horses, huge Silver Cross dolls prams, etc etc when we were living in a quite small flat. Of course shes never forgotten being told no and now we have loads of room wouldnt think to do it haha.

Childcare for twins is expensive - but if you feel they are being put at risk re tablets then its essential. Ive got to be honest, that would have happened once and my children would never have set foot in the house again, it would have been supervised access at neutral venues. You've got to protect them from risks, and thats the main worry for me from the post.

mumsamilitant · 11/10/2011 20:46

Grandparents do in my book rhondajean. As for the the pills they are probably grastrostuff. What on earth are you talking about with the supervised access stuff at neutral venues? are you on drugs?

HuwEdwards · 11/10/2011 20:53

You are not ungrateful, you are absolutely correct.

HuwEdwards · 11/10/2011 20:57

"As for the the pills they are probably grastrostuff. " Probably?

Mumsamilitant, you have no idea what they could be.
Older people suffer all kinds of illnesses, they might be anything!

Please don't give any further 'advice'. You are clearly bonkers!

rhondajean · 11/10/2011 21:00

I would never allow my children, particularly when so small as OPs seem to be, to enter an environment which would put them at risk. If you would, thats up to you. Ditto my decisions about whats appropriate for my children to eat. Laissez faire parenting is not my style, if its yours fair enough, my only responsibility is to my children.

Original poster

nothingbyhalves · 11/10/2011 21:48

OK ok ok, after blazing row with dh outcome is as follows.

Trainset too big, we are asking for a smaller one instead.
mil can only look after dts in our house where i know there are no tablets lying around. We are not going to make a big deal about this to her, just let it work out that way. (mil is always asking to look after dt's)
sil ........ well lets say that argument is on going at present, but sometimes battles need to left for another day especially when sil isn't due to look after dt's for at least a week.

Am grateful for all advice. sometimes you just need to know if IAMBU. Thanks all.

OP posts:

mumsamilitant · 11/10/2011 23:24

Huw, laughing my head off here. I can say what i like. The person involved clearly should look elsewhere for cheap childcare and not moan.

i also like being bonkers

If your up your arse then that will always be the hysterical case.

TimeWasting · 11/10/2011 23:32

I think bonkers was polite actually mumsamilitant.

OP, will she not have tablets with her, in her bag etc?
If she really doesn't consider keeping things out of their way an issue, something else might happen.
I had to snatch the salt away from my 3 year old today as childless relative left it right next to him at the table and he's fascinated with the stuff, for instance.

mumsamilitant · 11/10/2011 23:50

My mum always left her pills on the table. The kids never touched them. The other granny did the same. It was never an issue.

mumsamilitant · 11/10/2011 23:51

Timwaster, as for the salt, im sure he would have one lick and discard it!

minimisschief · 12/10/2011 08:41

Are they loose pills or in the containers

i couldn't imagine anyone having loose pills on the floor unless it was a one off occasion where they dropped one.

so i have to assume that they are in containers which i have to say are child proofed and most of the time adult proof too lol

loveglove · 12/10/2011 08:59

Erm...mini so there has been no occasion where a child has gotten into the container anyway? When I was three I got the cough medicine out of the fridge, got into it and drank it all. Then proudly declared to my horrified parents that my cough would go away as I'd drunk it all.

Original poster

nothingbyhalves · 12/10/2011 09:47

mumsamilitant, "should not moan" seriously? isn't theat what am i being unreasonalble is for?

Pills not loose on floor, in bottles and packets (not childproof) pill are fil's so mil will not have them in her handbag, as when she looks after kids here he is not with her as he doesn't leave the house.

Sometimes you have to work diplomatically with what you've got as safely as you can. Hence why we are suggesting she come here more often, which involves her staying over.

OP posts:

Flip