to want free time too?

[mrskeithlemon]

DP is a sahd. He has a LOT of leisure time, going to the gym and out with friends in the daytime, and often going out in the evenings too.

He looks after my ds for me in the morning and after school.

When I get in from work, i would love to be able to do a class, go back to salsa, start netball again, join the gym etc. I don't get ANY leisure time. All I do is work, home, work, home - when I am at home I am often on my own once ds is in bed. Ds and dp have lots of activities going on and i feel like the only one not having fun. All work and no play and all that.....

Thing is, I don't feel like I can ask dp to have ds in the evening too, so that I can do said activities. It is really getting me down I need a release!

I take it that your DP is not your DS's biological father?

If you have asked and he has put up objections YANBU

If you are just assuming that he would object, but havent asked YABU

Your partner seems to get a lot of free time during the day, when the child is at school.

Why do you feel you can't ask him?

Is the child his too or yours from a previous relationship?

Why don't you feel like you can ask your DP if he can stay in a few nights a week so you can go to an exercise class etc? That way weekends can be family time.

Is DP your DS's father?

"can't ask" not "can ask"

No he is not his father

Ds's father is useless. he only has ds from saturday afternoon until sunday morning.

I have mentioned it, and dp says it wouldn't be fair for him to be 'stuck in the house all day and then expected to babysit in the evening'

my mum would do it, but if dp is in the house anyway, why would my mum need to babysit?

I feel like No one, not dp, ds or dsd's appreciate how hard I work and what I do for everybody. Its always demand demand demand from everyone.

But DP is not stuck in the house all day, is he? He's free during school hours to do as he pleases. I'm confused!

How old is your son, and why is your partner not working?

And another thing, who is paying for your partners excessive leisure time if he doesnt work????

he is not working due to redundancy.

Is he not looking for another job though?

It doesnt sound like much of a partnership to me.

If he is out most nights, then get your mum to babysit, and go out yourself.

How long has he been out of work and how old is your son?

As he realy isn't stuck in the house all day then I'm not sure why he would begrudge you going out once or twice a week to a class or group.

YANBU

He is looking for another job yes. He is a joiner and is hoping to do a kitchen fitters course, we are looking in to it at the moment.

Ds is 5. Dp has been out of work for 4 months

I don't see why you can't ask DP to look after DS in the evening sometimes, if he has free time during the day? I understand that it's a bit different if he's not DSs father, but if you're all living together as a family, it seems reasonable to share out the work and leisure time between you, you shoud be a 'team' after all.

Doesn't have to be every evening, just once or twice a week maybe? Does he know how stressed and unhappy you are? Does he care?

I'm a Sahm and had this conversation with my dh recently, as he was spending all his leisure time with us while I have free time during the day as ds at nursery. Its critical that you get time to yourself, if he's your partner properly then it is not babysitting it is sharing household duties.
Book a course, or better still take up zumba, one hour ( or maybe two including travel) per week is not a big ask while you are supporting you both.

But won't your son be asleep in bed in the evening anyway? So there wouldn't really be anything for him to do other than be in the house.