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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT put DD and DS in the same bedroom?

17 replies

huddlecuddle · 07/10/2011 22:40

DD2 and DS are four and sixteen months respectively. I have a friend who has a DD and a DS of around the same age and hers share a bedroom.

I once said (perhaps a little bit carelessly) that if DS had turned out to be a DD3 I might have had them share and she seemed to get a little defensive (her house is a two bedroomed one.) I only said it in quite a casual off the hook comment by the way - it wasn't said with any judgement.

Since then she has bombarded me with information about the benefits of siblings sharing. My view is that if there is no choice obviously they must share but since I do have a choice I've chosen to keep a boy and girl apart - do the rest of you think I am mad, as she appears to!

OP posts:

rhondajean · 07/10/2011 22:44

Not mad, personal choice, she might just think it would be easier fo ryou to have both teenies in the same room for now - or she might feel a wee bit guilty she doesnt have more room for them and needs to justify it?

Dont really think gender matters at such a very young age tbh, its up to what you prefer.

LittleMissFlustered · 07/10/2011 22:45

If you have the room why not? They're your kids, surely you get to choose the sleeping arrangements? I have a boy and a girl, they have a room each. If they had to share I wouldnt mind too much while they were young, but I wouldn't make them share as they get older. That's the point of being a parent, I get to make the choices.

If you are happy, just smile and say "each to their own":)

hester · 07/10/2011 22:45

This seems to me to be one of those issues where you really don't need to worry about each other's choices. Your way is fine; so is hers.

CristinadellaPizza · 07/10/2011 22:46

What's them being a boy and a girl got to do with anything? To my mind, if you have space, it may be better for them to sleep in separate rooms because the younger one will often wake the older one.

Trills · 07/10/2011 22:46

If there are enough bedrooms I would always keep all children in separate rooms, no matter what sex they were.

LittleMissFlustered · 07/10/2011 22:48

I personally think the sexes of the kids only becomes an issue when they hit puberty. Before then, it's just a case of what works best on a family by family basis.

As it is I am glad that my two don't have to share. The noise is bad enough when they play together, if they had to sleep in the same room I really do dread to think what complaints the neighbour would make

Original poster

huddlecuddle · 07/10/2011 22:49

No, I don't think gender really matters at this stage. I think the logic was more from the point of view that I'd have personally wanted DD2 to have her own space by the time she was about six/seven (it's at that age I can remember feeling 'aware' of my body) and so start as you mean to go on. She plans to have hers share indefinitely which I don't personally think is ideal but no choice of course. She does live in a far more expensive area than we do, too.

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 07/10/2011 22:51

I had two boys. It was a great relief when we moved to a house large enough for them to have their own bedrooms because I finally stopped having to listen to them complain about each other's quite incompatible sleeping habits.

Ultimately, it comes down to what is practical and what suits an individual family. The best way is the way that suits you.

jenniec79 · 07/10/2011 22:55

I loathed sharing with DB

We were older though, 10 & 5 and had had own space before. Suddenly bedtime was earlier, lights out no reading, no audio books and back to a nightlight

Hitting puberty / periods while still sharing with a 6 yo boy was the cherry on the cake

ChippingIn · 07/10/2011 22:56

So what you are saying is that if she moved to your area she could afford to have more bedrooms so that her children wouldn't have to share

You said that if DS had been DD3 they probably would have shared & you've said you have chosen to keep a boy & a girl separate - the implication being that it was wrong for them to share if they weren't the same sex, it's hardly surprising she's being a bit defensive is it?

You have done what you think is right, she has done what she thinks is right (she could have kept one in with them or she could sleep in the lounge so she does have options)... I don't see the problem.

However, you asked if we thought you were mad... well that depends really. What would you have used DS's room for if he'd been DD3 and been sharing instead?

Trills · 07/10/2011 22:57

It rather sounds as if quite a few MNers think you were BU to have them share in the first place if there was no need for them to do so.

Original poster

huddlecuddle · 07/10/2011 23:05

No, I'm not saying that - just explaining we aren't millionaires, we're roughly on the same income as friend (perhaps a tiny bit more as she is a SAHM but then we have three DCs so it balances out.)

DS's room would have just been a guest/spare room but all the DCs would eventually have had their own room. I certainly didn't mean to imply she was doing anything wrong and did apologise if my comment was thoughtless but then to be fair, she did ask me "do yours share" and I just replied with "no but they might have done if DS had been a girl."

I most probably am mad, however.

OP posts:

Monty27 · 07/10/2011 23:08

OP if you have the space let them have their own rooms because it might be hard seperating them later.

Just a thought.

rhondajean · 07/10/2011 23:12

Hadnt thought the wee one might wake the older one - big gap with my two - was thinking, only one room to go to in the night......

pictish · 07/10/2011 23:13

I think someone has read too much into the issue....dunno if it's you or your mate.

We have three bedrooms. Dh and I in one, ds1 (9) in another, then ds2 (3) and dd (2), in the third. So I have a boy and girl sharing at the moment.
The age gap between the two lads (six years) would make sharing contentious, as will the boy/girl issue in the future.
We have only three bedrooms, and can't afford a place with four.
I don't know what we'll do.

BonnyBanks · 07/10/2011 23:14

My son & daughter share but they are twins so it's a little bit different. TBH they get quite distressed if we even mention the possibility of separate rooms.

We have another room though so as soon as they request it they can have their own space.

Your kids, your choice. In your situation I'd probably have split mine too.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 07/10/2011 23:15

YANBU to keep them apart, obviously. YWBU if the only reason you were doing it was that they were different sexes, but you have other reasons too.

And I can see that the way you said it might well (unintentionally) have sounded as though you disapproved of her choice.

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