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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that partners baby's Mother is getten their baby Christened the weekend were getting Married?

300 replies

19111990 · 06/10/2011 20:21

Well me and my partner are getting married in 5 weeks. His baby mum knows this and decided to do the christing the same weekend.

Her problem is the fact he didnt tell him and she had to find out from someone else, so when she found out about this she decided to do the christening the same weekend. She is doing it out of spite in my opion. another problem is me and her dont get along so we dont speak. The reason he never told him himself is because he dont want to speak to her unless it is to do with the baby.

I am on two minds on putting the wedding back! The poeple i have spoke to about it tell me I shouldnt put it back because that will be giving her what she want's. Ijust dont to be making thing's worst between them two and dont want him missing out on the baby's Christening!

Any advice on what i should do about it please?

OP posts:
Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 22:33

i dont see the point either tbh, I am religious and i christened my littke girl when she was 6 months old

OP posts:
BatsUpMeNightie · 06/10/2011 22:36

This makes for incredibly depressing reading. The Jeremy Kyle generation is real isn't it.

notso · 06/10/2011 22:38

Ah see incognito perceptions Smile, I read it as it was their business meaning not anything to do with OP.
Just out of interest OP does your Fiances Mum have a good relationship with the ex, or is it more of a bear to put up with her for the sake of the Grandchild?

Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 22:41

Them two have a great relationship they get on really well

OP posts:
Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 22:42

BatsUpMeNightie.. if this is "depressing" you dont read it... simple rally

OP posts:
notso · 06/10/2011 22:42

Could she not have a word about the Christening then?

hiddenhome · 06/10/2011 22:43

How does she even know that he's the dad? Hmm

griphook · 06/10/2011 22:47

I feel really sorry for you op, your stuck between a rock and a hard place, and at the end of the day, what ever decison you make it won't feel 100% right. Some mum's use their children as a way to control their ex's life. I agree with your first post, if you change your wedding date she would have won as it will set a precedent

Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 22:47

she says she didnt sleep with anyone else.

notso... she has tried but his ex dont want to change the date

OP posts:
notlettingthefearshow · 06/10/2011 22:48

Don't change the wedding. The christening is much easier to change. Your partner can tell his ex he cannot attend, and then it's up to her to change it.

I don't understand a christening for non religious parents. It would hardly be a meaningful event, would it?

Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 22:52

No i dont think it would be meaningful, thats why i dont really want to attend, he has also said he dont see the point... He has also said that an the reply he got was "so youre putting her before youre daughter", i dont know how else we can reason with the ex to be hones, apart from cancelling everything thats booked and changing the date.

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 06/10/2011 22:55

If your partner's child is not coming to the wedding
and the Christening is not really meaningful event

Just carry on with the wedding. Its the child's mother's choice when she has the Christening and if she is doing it for pure spite there is nothing you can do.

Its a shame it has to be so complicated but if she is not religious what she is doing is having a party with a bit of church stuff thrown in.

griphook · 06/10/2011 22:56

that's the thing, you can't reason with someone that purposefully books a christening on your ex's wedding day. it's done to be spitefull and a bitch.

Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 22:59

i know,, we have just been talking (me and my partner) and he said we should go on with the wedding because things are going threw the solicitors with them two, we can re say are vow's in a few years and his daughter will be able to attend to that.

OP posts:
incognitofornow · 06/10/2011 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

griphook · 06/10/2011 23:03

definatly carry on with wedding, there isn't much else you can do. Ask to have the dd to the wedding, (she's likely to say no) but ask so she can't say you didn't, and then enjoy your day.

incognitofornow · 06/10/2011 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lurkinginthebackground · 06/10/2011 23:05

I agree with others who have said you cannot just rock up to the church and demand to have a child baptised.
I personally know people who have been refused a christening, one of them a married couple living in the church's parish.
The vicar will give you an available date, you do not, at least where I live, go and tell the vicar anything.
It is unlikely that she will get a date at this short notice.
It does sound very spiteful to be fair.
Perhaps hold out a bit longer before cancelling your plans and see what happens.

Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 23:08

we have asked and she has said no so think we will just go ahead with it, and explain when she is old enough and is asking questions, but wont lie to her we will tell her the truth.

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griphook · 06/10/2011 23:10

oh and another thing, from my experience,

we used to tell ex p what we would be doing the following weekend with dss and she would make sure she did it beforehand.

examples would be taking him to see harry potter, took him the thursday before the weekend we asked to take him

taking him to thorpe park- too him weekend before.

We would also disscuss presents so we didn't double up and she would buy the same things even through we have agreed and make sure she would give them to him first even it mean't giving him present before his birthday. my advice would be tell her after.

Just a couple of example, I could go on

Dss is older now and due to the controlling relationship he had with his mum, he no longer has contact with her

griphook · 06/10/2011 23:13

that's all you can do, and as she gets older, just make sure you tell her that you would have loved her to have been there.

nailak · 06/10/2011 23:13

i think people have been harsh OP i understood your dp didnt want uneccessary contact with his exp so asked his mum to contact her about the weddin instead of doin it himself, which sounds perfectly reasonable.

griphook · 06/10/2011 23:15

incognito- we were never able to take our dss on holiday due to the same reasons. it's very sad

minimisschief · 06/10/2011 23:16

My brain hurt reading the title

Original poster
19111990 · 06/10/2011 23:18

griphook.. i will bare that one in mind :D because she is that type of girl to do that.

nailak... it was the best thing to do, his childs mum is 20 and he is 28 but she is still very childish, and argues over anything and everyting... i know im only a year older but i would never dream of using my baby as weapon towards her dad.

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